Protection
by A Crownless Queen
Summary: "I am your older brother. It is my duty to protect you." - Zeref saves Natsu's life. Everything changes.
1. CHAPTER I: Redemption

**Protection  
** by theolims (Kitty)  
August 2015 - ?

Contra spem spero.  
 _I hope against hope._

* * *

 **Title:** Protection  
 **Category:** Gen (Canon AU)  
 **Characters/Pairings:** Natsu Dragneel, Zeref Dragneel/Some NaLu and (blatant) Zervis  
 **Rating/Warnings:** T/major character death, violence, language  
 **Summary:** "I am your older brother. It is my duty to protect you." - Zeref saves Natsu's life. Everything changes.

* * *

 _"There is no certainty; there is only adventure." -_ Roberto Assagioli

 **CHAPTER I: Redemption**

* * *

 **IN** retrospect, it started out simply enough.

Natsu wanted to go on a mission to fight the bad guys. He also wanted Lucy, Erza and Gray to go with him (and Happy, of course) just like in the old days, before Tartaros.

There was a problem with that though. He had to find one that was difficult enough that Erza and Popsicle just _had_ to come along with him and Lucy, and he had to make sure the reward was high enough for her rent since she always seemed to be low on money for it. Which meant that he had to find a mission for four S-class level (he, Popsicle and Lucy technically weren't... they never had been promoted, but he was pretty sure Lucy was S-class level now) mages to go on, because he did _not_ want to be bored out of his mind.

So, that was how he had ended up standing there and staring at the board, feeling remarkably like Nab as the seconds ticked by. All the missions were too _easy—_ mostly helping people across the desert or cosplaying some famous book that Natsu couldn't be bothered to remember. That was Lucy's thing.

"There's nothing _here,_ " he moaned under his breath, wishing he could burn the board but knowing that Erza would probably beat him into a pulp and then step on him if he did that. She had become even _more_ strict since being named guild master temporarily before they had managed to rescue Gramps.

He heard footsteps approaching, and he spun around. Mira had a serious expression on her face as she stared at him, holding a single piece of paper in her hand and— _Ooh,_ he so _hoped_ that was an exciting mission.

"Natsu, there's a job requesting you, Lucy, Gray and Erza specifically."

He wept in joy. In his head. Popsicle would never let him live it down if he actually _cried_ in front of him... again. He stopped that train of thought before he could go down it and depress himself again.

"What's it about?" he asked. He snatched the sheet out of her fingers because he couldn't wait for her answer, and scanned the contents.

 **REQUESTING: TEAM NATSU**

Dragon slayers and mages are terrorizing our town. They say there is a "demon" within us... blah blah blah. [He couldn't be bothered to read that part – something about the town's location and stuff] Please help us!

Reward: 50,000,000 J

Natsu's eyes bugged out of his head at the amount in the reward. Lucy wouldn't have to worry about her rent for a _year!_ How could these people afford to pay so much in the first place? That was S-class level pay!

"It's in Heather."

Oh. That explained it then. Heather was a port town like Hargeon or Magnolia, except it was, like, really rich. Apparently, all the elite people lived there—like the council, and the people who visited the palace regularly. What were they called? Politicians or something?

He hummed under his breath, and stared back down at the request. Even though he wasn't nearly as money obsessed as Lucy was, he honestly wouldn't mind having some extra to surprise her sometime with lunch or dinner... or something pretty, for that matter.

"All right!" He said with a grin. "I'm all fired up! Yo, Popsicle! Erza! Luce! I got us a mission!" He waved the request around in the air, spinning around on his heel. Gray shouted something at him, but he honestly was too happy to really care about whatever it was. Mirajane giggled.

"Have fun guys! Be careful."

* * *

As soon as they got off the train, Natsu hugged a tree. A stable tree. That did not move. An inch. At all.

He probably would have kissed the ground too if Erza hadn't told him to "come", and since he was more scared of Erza than he was of not kissing the still ground, he obeyed her command. Lucy was staring at some place with wide eyes, and when he followed the direction of her gaze, he realized that it was a garden.

"All right everyone; keep an eye out for any suspicious activity. Natsu, Happy, you stay with Lucy. I'll stick with Gray."

And then Erza was off with Gray, heading in the direction of a cake shop. Of course. A bead of sweat formed on Natsu's temple—of course Erza would go for where there were sweets on a mission, leaving him alone with... Lucy.

Oh.

His hands suddenly felt sweaty and he rubbed them against his pants. He hadn't really been alone with Lucy in... well, the last time he had been alone with her was when he promised her that he would bring Fairy Tail back together. Since then though, he had been too busy rebuilding the guild and then finding Master Makarov to actually really talk to her.

"Um... this way then." He pointed in some random direction. She nodded but didn't smile.

"Sure. That way."

They walked side by side for a while. He wasn't entirely sure if he knew how to break the silence—he wasn't sure if he _wanted_ to break it, simply because he really hadn't talked to her in so long and it felt nice to just... be with her. He guessed. It was kind of weird, but nice.

 _Ah! Her weirdness has rubbed off on me!_

"Natsu?"

"Yeah?" he was contemplating slapping himself just to snap his brain out of whatever funk it had gotten into. Because there was no way _he,_ Natsu Dragneel, could enjoy _silence._ He lived off of chaos and noise and energy—

"Do you hear anything?"

He froze. He hadn't heard anything; he would have told her if he had, and the fact that she was asking him meant she must have felt something he hadn't... He closed his eyes and listened. Nothing. He couldn't hear _anything._ Not even the rustle of the breeze in the trees or bird song or—nothing. Nothing.

He could hear _nothing._

A chill ran through him. That wasn't normal—in fact, that was very far from normal, and he hadn't even realized that he could hear nothing. That scared him; normally, he heard _everything_ when he concentrated hard enough, so when even Lucy told him he missed something...

"No. I don't."

She looked at him, her eyes wide and she pulled out a key— maybe Loke's. He lit his fist on fire as Happy took off from Lucy's shoulders and flew into the air.

"Well, this is a first." A smooth voice spoke, and he pressed his back against hers. His eyes darted around, but he couldn't see anything that stood out against the flatlands. There was absolutely nothing there—it was like the person who spoke was...

Invisible.

"Luce!" he hissed, and something sailed out of the air— like black fire maybe—at them. Natsu stared for a moment (he never had seen anything like it, but it was oddly beautiful in a twisted, gloomy sort of way) and then he leapt to the left, pushing Lucy along with him. He swung around, lighting his whole arm on fire, only to meet a fist that snuffed his flames out like they were flames on a candle.

He glared at the man. The first thing that he noticed was his hair—either black or blue, but it was even more wild than Gajeel's and just as tangled as Lucy's was in the morning. The man stared back at him, a smirk on his face. A black tattoo wrapped around his left eye like a vine, and his eyes... they were two different colors. One gold, and the other silver.

"Who are you?" He snapped.

"It is not who I am, but who you are, young Master."

Natsu kind of liked being called master; it made him feel like an overlord over an army of minions. Not that he would tell anyone that—Lucy would kick him into a week in the future, and he didn't really want that to him.

"I already know who I am! Who are _you_?" The man disappeared. Natsu blinked. " _What the..._?" He was gone—he couldn't even smell whatever scent he left behind. It was like he had never been there in the first place, which was impossible because that man was _real—_ he wasn't smart enough to figure out how to answer riddles, let alone think them up.

Lucy screamed.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end at the sound—like she was being tortured—and he spun around sharply in time to see an arm wrap around Lucy's waist and the other hold a dagger to her neck. The man's body shimmered and flickered, and then it solidified with a "zzzzz"ing sound a lot like Doranbolt's transportation.

"Lucy!"

"Let her go!" Happy sounded furious. Natsu's heart fluttered as he caught her gaze, but she didn't look very scared. More annoyed, like she had been held at knifepoint millions of times before and this was routine.

"Answer me this; what is the one magic?"

Blood rushed through him. He _hated_ being toyed with, but he hated it even more when people hurt his nakama. Especially Lucy. Besides, riddles weren't his strong suite – they were Lucy's! She was the one good with words! It should be _him_ who is being threatened at knife point, not her. _Never_ her.

"Better hurry, or my hand might just... slip." A thin trail of blood slid down the side of her neck. Natsu swallowed the lump in his throat back. He had to get her out of that psycho's hands, but how? She didn't even look scared – there was steel in her eyes that hadn't been there before, which meant that she wasn't going to lose her head and freak out. And there was nothing he could see that could help them, and as far as he knew, Erza and Gray weren't coming which meant that he was on his own... with Happy... and Lucy, who was a hostage.

He gritted his teeth. The more he played the man's games, the less likely he was to hurt Lucy... until he got bored. But if he was able to stall him for a bit, think of a way to get her back, or maybe she could think of a way to fight back herself... then he and Lucy could fight back. Somehow. He wasn't even sure how he managed to let Lucy get in his clutches...

"The one magic..." he murmured, frowning. Hadn't Lucy said it was love once? But why in the world would he ask about _love_ when he was about to kill her? His blood boiled. Maybe if he was able to get Happy out of here, he could distract the mage and Happy would be able to get Gray and Erza... maybe... but how would he tell Happy to get them?

"The one magic is the root of all emotions, right?" He was basically making stuff up off the top of his head, but the longer he drew it out, the more time Lucy had, right? He caught her eyes again. She nodded minutely, and he flinched when he saw that the dagger had drawn more blood with her small movement. He shook his head at her—trying to tell her not to move without words. "It's love, isn't it?"

"Close enough..." the mage said, peeling his lips back into a smile that was too wide for his face. His eyes seemed hallow and bugged out at the same time. It was a little scary, Natsu had to admit, and he didn't get scared too often. "This round you win, your prize: my name, Barbosa."

"Couldn't my prize be Lucy?"

Lucy glared at him. He knew he would probably pay for that comment later, when they were out of danger. It was the only thing he could think of saying to respond—he hadn't meant it to come out that way, even though it was true. He didn't really care about Creepo's name anymore; he wanted Lucy _away_ from him.

"She is the grand prize, Master Dragneel!" Barbosa cooed. "Win the next four rounds, and you shall win. Lose, and you and she goes night night... eternally."

He wanted to scream and run around, flapping his arms behind his head like Erza was on his tail. He wasn't _good_ at this thinking stuff—this was Lucy's strength. Not his. He could fight with his fists, but not with his head. But he had to _try,_ at least. He had to—

...The ground. He could write a message in the ground for Happy to read!

But he had to make sure Lucy didn't die so that they could rescue her...

He shuddered. Well, this one time he would just have to be smart enough to get them out of this—he wasn't about to fail her and let her die. Again. For real.

"Okay. Give me."

Barbosa clapped his hands together, momentarily releasing Lucy. That was all he needed. He jumped forward, and Lucy swung her leg around in a perfectly executed roundhouse kick. He filed that away for later and threw his largest ball of fire at him.

"Gate of the lion, I open thee! Leo!"

He ran toward Barbosa and leapt, spinning around in the air as he curved his foot slightly. He chanted, "Fire Dragon's..." His legs lit on fire. "CLAW!"

"Lion's Brilliance!"

"Star Dress: Loke Form!"

Their attacks landed on Barbosa one after another, and Barbosa fell. Natsu breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't rise and turned toward Lucy, who was breathing heavily.

"Your neck," he said. Her eyes snapped up. "It's bleeding."

"What in the _world_ was going on?" Loke snapped, whirling around and resting his hands on his hip. "And why are you bleeding, Lucy?"

She touched her neck and stared at her hand with round eyes. "I don't suppose either of you have bandages?"

He tore the edge of his jacket off and gave it to her. She took it and pressed it against her neck. He felt a little sick when he saw that her hand was coated red.

"I'm _not_ a prize." She eventually grumbled. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It just... came out?" She sent him a look so cold that he felt like Gray had frozen him again. He shuddered. "I'm really sorry, Lushee! Please forgive me!" He hugged her, and she yelped a little. He let go of her.

"I forgive you." She sighed and closed her eyes. "M'dizzy."

"Don't close your eyes!" Loke said quickly, and then he looked at Natsu. "What happened anyway?"

"Riddle man over there surprised us with some weird teleporting magic." He crossed his arms and looked away. "I let my guard down."

"You what? Weren't you away for a year to stop this kind of thing from happening?"

Natsu froze at the accusation in his tone and slowly raised his head. He opened his mouth to respond that _he had, yes,_ but no words came out. The air suddenly filled with a static tension, and Natsu wasn't sure how that had come to be.

"Loke," Lucy interrupted. "Can you get Gray and Erza and bring them here? They're in town."

"...Fine." He didn't sound like he wanted to agree with her, but he did anyway. Loke shot one last icy look at Natsu before he began to walk away, his strides long and disjointed. Lucy sighed and shook her head before she turned toward Happy, who had been hovering by his shoulder without a sound coming from his mouth.

"Happy, can you go with him?"

"...You're kicking me out, aren't you?"

"Noooo?" She sounded way too uncertain for that to be true.

"You are, but aye, sir!"

Natsu watched her face turn a lovely shade of purple as she fisted her hand at him. Happy flew away with a cackle and chased after Loke. Natsu closed his eyes and counted each breath he took until his heart finally began to slow.

It was strange he hadn't noticed anything was off. He knew he had gotten stronger—far stronger than he ever believed he was capable of, so for Lucy to notice something he had not... for there to be something he had missed...

He sniffed the air experimentally. Nothing. He smelled nothing at all. He couldn't hear anything and he smelled nothing. Maybe he was sick? He didn't feel sick, but it was possible that he was...

Lucy touched his elbow, and he opened his eyes only to find that he couldn't meet hers. So, he looked away and studied the way her long, thin fingers rested against his elbow. Funny. He hadn't noticed how her once _insanely_ pale skin (seriously, she'd been paler than a sheet of paper) had a bronze tint that was now prevalent. It didn't contrast against his darker skin – if anything, hers almost complemented his skin.

"Your magic focuses on the things that you can touch, hear, or smell, right?" she asked. He nodded slowly, not exactly sure where she was going with this train of thought.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat and stepped away. There was something still steely in her eyes and her shoulders were tense. But it was mostly that look in her eyes that made him uncomfortable; it reminded him that this woman wasn't the helpless girl she'd once been. He recalled maps and newspaper clippings and an apartment in Crocus even though he did not want to, and pushed it into the back of his mind. Her hand fell off his elbow, and he ignored just how weird that felt. "Yeah, it does."

She hesitated. "Maybe ... I mean, it's a bit of a long shot, but, well ... my magic kind of deals more with the spirit?"

He stared at her for a moment, forgetting about the weird steel in her eyes. She held the makeshift bandage against the side of her throat again, and he tried to ignore the way the maroon blood on her neck and her collarbone glinted in the sun. "What does that mean?"

She shrugged one shoulder – the one that wasn't holding the bandage. "It deals more with things that aren't really ... well, _there_ entirely, I guess. Things that aren't tangible in our world. Things you can't touch or see or smell or hear."

 _Our world._ She made it sound like there were two different versions of reality – one that he could sense, and another that only she could sense. Who knows. Maybe there was.

"I just wish I knew why _I_ didn't notice anything off." He wanted to hit something. It would probably make him feel better, at least a little. She looked like she was at a loss for words, so he looked toward where Creepo had fallen –

He was not there.

 _He was not there._

"...Lucy?" he said slowly. "Creepo was over there right?"

"Don't be silly, Natsu. Of course he's ... not there."

He traded one long, electric look with Lucy. Only one word was running through his head at that very second: _Shit._

Erza was _so_ going to kill him.

"Don't panic," Lucy said. He gave her a flat look. Her eyes widened as she looked at something behind his shoulder. "NATSU!"

He was pivoting on his toes before she'd even finished the first syllable of his name and barely managed to deflect a dagger. Quickly, he sank back into his center before he Creepo could throw him off balance – and he held his arm up to guard his chest as he threw and backhanded punch under his guard. Creepo batted it away and Natsu seized the opportunity to grab his forearm and throw him.

There was a manic light in Creepo's eyes as his legs kicked out. Natsu took an automatic step away from the flailing limbs.

A fatal mistake.

He saw the way his gaze moved over toward where Lucy was standing – he could hear leaves crunching against the ground over his labored breathing. He saw that strange, inky fire form in his palm and move insidiously toward his partner.

He didn't think. He just turned and leapt. There was no time to bat the fire out of the way – some of it would get her. But he was close enough to her (or maybe she was close to him) to use his own body as her shield.

As they fell, he cradled her head and tried to make himself as big as possible as she curled against him. His eyes squeezed and he hoped, hoped _hoped_ against hope that something like a miracle would happen like Dragon Force kicking in even though it hadn't in over a year—

" _ **NO!**_ " A ragged scream that was so familiar that it hurt him, though he did not know why it was familiar.

Something heavy landed on him. Something so heavy that he couldn't help but gasp in surprise. Lucy groaned.

It was a few seconds more before he realized that all was quiet. He was not dead. Lucy was not dead. And there was ... something on top of him. Something heavy.

Quickly, his breath coming out in sharp gasps, he struggled to push the body off him – it had to be a body, there was no other explanation for the lumpy softness – and when he had, Lucy wriggled out from underneath him.

He glanced around – Creepo was down. Lucy was already limping toward him, clutching her side, and Natsu felt a little guilty for not protecting her better.

He turned back to the person – the man – who saved him. Black hair. Some black trench coat thing with a white ... cape? Whatever. He _definitely_ recognized this person.

"It's you! You're Zeref, aren't you?" That man on Tenroe Island ... and in Tartaros, with the creepy magic that killed everyone around him. Except for Natsu himself. Black Mage Zeref, the guy who plunged Fiore into the dark ages a hundred years ago. He prodded the man.

The mage's eyes opened and Natsu jumped back. Did he love fighting? Yes. Had a death wish? _No._ He was _not_ getting near this crazy person who was probably going to try to kill him and –

The evilest man on the planet, whose name people feared, who caused one catastrophe after another, who had been the been at the root of so much sorrow — laughed. _Laughed._ As if something was funny!

"I've gone completely mad."

 _This mission is way too weird._

"He's bleeding, Natsu."

Natsu jumped – he'd been so caught up with their savior's identity that he'd forgotten looking for injuries. He twisted around and caught Lucy's carefully sculpted poker face as she stood over Creepo. She obviously knew who this man was... Natsu turned back. There was a hole in his weird clothes, over the right side of his chest, and it was smoking slightly. He smelled burning flesh and gagged.

 _Ugh._

He focused on his hands and brought them down. Recently, he'd discovered that if he focused really hard, he could bring down their temperature until they were colder than an average human's. It would not do much, but ...

"I'll need cold water," he told Lucy, who made a sound of affirmation. He moved to cover the burned area, but Zeref suddenly opened his eyes and squirmed away.

"No, don't. Please. I'll kill you."

Natsu frowned. That ... wasn't what he'd expect a mad mass murderer who caused a genocide to say. "Baka. This is for the pain. And I'm not going to let you die out here."

"If only it was that easy for me to die."

 _What in the...?_ He shook his head—sometimes, he didn't understand people, why they would want to die when there was so many things to do and see in this world—and he pressed his hand against Zeref's side. Zeref gasped, but he ignored him. _Careful. Don't make a mistake._

"I'll be back," said Lucy. He nodded, narrowing his eyes at the round, and heard her walk away.

Zeref was still staring at him, like he was some kind of miracle or something, and that made him feel a little uncomfortable. And annoyed. Which made him want to burn something until he remembered that he was supposed to stay nice and cold. Like a popsicle. Or an annoying ice mage. Which made him want to burn something again—

"What?"

"You can touch me."

He felt a scowl knit at his eyebrows as he put his other hand over the wound. His skin was warm, which was strange. He kind of thought it would be cold since he was so ... evil. Except he wasn't as evil as history books made him out to be, since he'd just saved his and Lucy's life. Which he really, really _did not_ understand. At all.

He wondered where Loke was and what was taking him and Happy so long to get the Popsicle and Erza. They kind of needed them.

"Where _are_ they?" He mumbled. "Creepo over there may get up again."

Zeref groaned. "I killed him."

"You WHAT?!" He swung back to look at the older mage, whose eyes were beginning to close. "Whoa, hold on. Don't close your eyes—keep talking to me."

"Natsu," Lucy's voice was soft, and he looked over his shoulder. She held out a bucket and he took it, surprised to see a cloth. When he looked up again, he saw that Virgo was sitting on the ground, studying Zeref with judging eyes.

 _Right._ The celestial spirits probably would know the most out of all of them.

"Thanks," he muttered. Zeref had closed his eyes. He swore under his breath, again, and he quickly dunk the cloth under the water before he wrung it out. His fingers shook. Lucy was hurt, and so was Zeref... both of them had tried to protect him, though he didn't understand why _Zeref_ would. Zeref, whose named was used to scare children away from doing bad things – _Don't go out after dark or Black Mage Zeref will get you. Watch out for the Dark Wizard Zeref!_

"Natsu!"

He breathed a sigh of relief and looked over his shoulder as Erza, Gray and Happy appeared. Happy was flying.

"Natsu, who's that?" Happy asked when he landed. Lucy took the washcloth from his hand so he met Erza's steady glare. For once.

"There's the guy," He jerked his head over at Creepo, "Although I'm not sure if he's alive or dead." Gray made a sound in the back of his throat and he walked over to Creepo. They waited for a few seconds as he placed his palm against the side of his throat, and then he shook his head. Erza's eyes went wide as her head swung back toward him.

Natsu offered her a shrug, feeling rather lost. "I don't know what happened. I just know that this guy saved our lives."

Something quivered. Natsu suddenly realized that he felt like they were hanging on a precipice by their toes, and the gentlest of breezes would tip them over the face of the cliff.

"And ... do you know who this man is?" Erza shattered the silence.

"I do," he said slowly. And offered no more.

"Who?" Gray snapped.

"His name is Zeref," Lucy bit back.

It was the wind that plunged them over the precipice.

* * *

 **Story Notes:** This was written for the 2015-2016 Fairy Tail Big Bang Project hosted on tumblr (url: unisonraidevent), which has been a ton of fun. Basically, a Big Bang is when artists and authors pair up together and "collaborate" by making art for a fic and a fic for the art.

Many thanks goes to **ariakfd** who provides all the gorgeous fanart and helped me hash out ideas/pointed out plotholes/beta read everything. Huge thank you goes to **MissMythoMagic** who helped me hashed out ideas and beta read everything for me. Ari's fanart is posted on tumblr under our official blog: _protectionunisonraidblog2015_.

I hope you enjoy this!

(Funny story about this - This was supposed to be completed last _January_ but ... well, you have several procrastinators on this team between the three of us.)

This story is cross posted under various pen names: Wattpad (theolims), Archive of Our Own (theolims), Whimsical Wanderings (Olim), and Tumblr (protectionunisonrainbang2015).


	2. CHAPTER II: Reaction

_"Everything has reasons, even if they're not good ones. And the reasons have reasons." – Johnny Rich_

 **CHAPTER II: Reaction**

 **"GET** away from him! Do you _know_ what he's done?! He could hurt you!" Erza roared and she charged toward Natsu. He had to stop himself from reacting to her, had to make himself stay still even though every instinct warned him to get out of her warpath. She looked angry. Very angry. And scared. Fear was not an emotion that showed its face on Erza Scarlet, but it was very prominent now.

"No!" he shouted back. "He saved my life!"

She drew up short and slipped in the mud. Happy zipped forward and caught her, his tiny paws grabbing ahold of the back of her armor until she had steadied herself. Gray stalked forward, and Natsu shuffled carefully so that he could keep an eye on Erza while directing his attention at Gray.

"Natsu," he said very, very calmly. The temperature dropped around them. "You _do_ realize that this guy is the person who created Tartaros' demons?"

"Yes, actually, I do," he snapped. "I'm not stupid."

Gray snorted. Happy landed on Lucy's shoulder. She was watching him with a steady gaze he couldn't quite bring himself to meet. Erza looked ready to wrestle with a raging bull with her bare hands.

"He's evil," grumbled Erza. "He's the vilest creature on this planet."

"I know. He is." There was no denying that. "But he still saved my life. And Lucy's."

Lucy looked startled. Gray and Erza turned toward her, and she nodded reluctantly. "He did," she said. A heartbeat slipped into a moment of eternity.

"What are you going to do with him?" asked Happy. Natsu hesitated.

"You're not going to like it," he drawled. All of them stared at him. Their expressions were identically blank; it might have been funny if he wasn't on the receiving end of it. "I don't think we can just leave him here to bleed out."

Erza pivoted on her heel and stormed away in quick, mechanical strides. Something cold filled him as he watched one of his oldest friends – the one who had always been so quick to defend the defenseless – turn her back on someone.

"Natsu…" Gray sounded tired. He glared up at him but Gray's gaze was distant. He let out a long sigh. "You're asking for too much from us, you know that right? His _demons_ ripped all of our families apart."

He dropped his gaze. "I can't let him die when he saved me." He owed Zeref what any decent human being would do. And he didn't think he _could_ just leave the man here like this. Soon, Gray turned away too, leaving only Lucy and Happy with him.

"You agree with me? Don't you Lucy?" he asked, looking at Lucy. Her shoulders hunched forward a little as she curled into herself. One went up in a sort of half shrug.

"I- I don't know, Natsu. Part of the reason my mom died is because of him and his plans. And he's done so many horrible things…"

He swallowed. Out of all of them, he thought that Lucy would have supported him. After all she was the most forgiving or, at the very least, the most compassionate. Except her compassion wasn't enough for Zeref this time.

Maybe there was a reason for this. Perhaps he was being manipulated somehow, even though he _knew_ he had good instincts when it came to people. Zeref had saved his life; surely that had to repaid somehow? It felt like there was a gulf between him and Lucy, her eyes were so downcast as she turned and walked away from them.

Eventually, Happy floated over and he glanced at his friend out of the corner of his eyes.

"You don't owe him anything," Happy said quietly. "One act of goodness doesn't cancel out a lifetime of evil."

Him too.

"It's not like us to judge somebody's past and decide they're irredeemable," he replied, looking back at Zeref again. Blood had already begun to clot around the wound.

"He's _not_ like Jellal or Buchanan though. He's been the root of all evil for the past four hundred years!"

"But he saved my _life,_ Happy!" His voice cracked and he wrenched his gaze away from Zeref. He didn't even know why he was getting so worked up over this. It just felt _wrong_ to abandon him like the others wanted to. "Tell me how, _how,_ that fits in some grand evil scheme."

"I don't know!" Happy shook his head. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

He blinked. Happy sounded distressed, and he could see the tears building up in his eyes. Quickly, he scooped the exceed out of the air and cradled him against his chest. Happy sniffled and head butted him a bit more than gently.

"I _have_ to help him though," he whispered. "If I don't, I'll feel like I'm betraying myself."

Happy didn't respond immediately. "Okay," he said eventually, and for a wild moment, he thought he might agree with him. "I understand."

Then again, understanding was just as good.

"You should probably explain to the others though."

So he did that.

* * *

Natsu stared at Zeref. He crossed his arms and slid into Lucy's lap, willing himself not to vomit for the millionth time in his life.

Zeref almost looked peaceful in his sleep, which was strange because Natsu felt like he wasn't at peace with a lot of things. He didn't smile exactly, but there was a certain serenity around him that made him look… not quite as evil as the legends said. Drool dripped out of his mouth onto the ground, and he had curled his arm around his head, almost like he was using it as a pillow.

And this was the mage who everyone feared and killed First?

"You know, he could kill us in his sleep." Gray spoke up suddenly. "At least, that's how the legend goes."

"Ashes to ashes, all fall down." Erza chanted, almost like she was singing a song. It had an eerie quality to it, and he wondered if she had learned it when she was in the Tower of Heaven. His stomach gurgled and he curled into Lucy, breathing in deeply to try to settle it. "Lucy? Do you know anything? I still… I just really don't like this."

He doubted any of them had, even if they had agreed to take Zeref back with them to Fairy Tail after they had collected the award when he pointed out that he was too dangerous to leave on his own. For the first time since he had came into existence, he was at somebody's mercy – Not the other way around.

"He didn't even have to touch that man. There was just this wave of black ink and that man just dropped dead. And he was injured." Lucy sounded troubled. He rolled over again, feeling somewhat like he had to speak up and chip in with what he knew even though he knew he would probably regret it as soon as he did.

"I don't think he can control it. He keeps saying somethin' about the world rejecting him."

Then he gurgled when vomit surged into his mouth and he shut his lips, breathing in through his nose. _Ugh,_ he hated motion sickness. Lucy ran her fingers through his hair, and he felt the strangest urge to _purr_ of all things. Well, if he could, he would purr. But he couldn't purr, obviously. Probably. Maybe?

"Deloria. And Tartaros' demons." Gray murmured. "He made those. And a kingdom. I don't understand why though."

"Don't forget E.N.D." Erza commented.

"How could I?" Gray's tone was dark. They fell silent. Natsu opened his eyes again, hugging his stomach, and stared at Zeref. Nobody was touching him. He wasn't sure if that would save them if he woke up because he _knew_ Zeref didn't have any control over that freaky magic of his. It just shot out and took everything with it. He didn't control it or _anything._ He wasn't sure if he deliberately targeted the people he killed or if he could target them even.

He didn't know anything about this creature. He couldn't even read his intentions, if he meant to do them harm or if he wanted to help them. He didn't know if he was a bad guy or if he was a good guy, and that made him confused, which made him angry. Usually, he could understand people pretty well—After all, people were simple creatures most of the time. But not this one. There was too much conflict around him to actually understand his motives.

"There's something I don't understand." Lucy sounded like she was thinking deeply over something. "Why would he save Natsu and me when he wants to kill everyone in the world? That doesn't sound like something a truly evil person would do."

Natsu grumbled and flipped over again. She didn't rub his head again, which made him feel sad, so he nudged her stomach with his nose and whined slightly. She laughed and squirmed a little— _ticklish?—_ but before he could explore that further, she rubbed small circles into his shoulder.

"I don't trust him." Erza declared. Her voice wobbled slightly, but he doubted the others could hear it like he could. Was she still scared? He wouldn't blame her – or mention it to anyone if she was. Zeref been the reason Ultear had convinced Jellal to make the Tower of Heaven. "He-he's hurt Fairy Tail before. And he's done so much more evil to people."

"He made all those demons… they destroyed so many towns." It was Gray again. Natsu closed his eyes and fought back tears. He was not going to cry in front of that Popsicle again. _Igneel died protecting me from Acnologia, who may be affiliated with Zeref… all of us has had some type of bad experience with him._

He wondered what he was doing again, convincing – or bullying – them into bringing Zeref with them back to Magnolia. Maybe the Black Mage's madness was affecting him? It would have been so much easier just leaving him at the town to bleed to death— that was, if he even could die. Zeref had implied he wouldn't die that way…

 _Is he immortal?_

He honestly didn't understand anything. He couldn't believe they had _actually_ brought Zeref with them to Fairy Tail even though he had hurt all of them so much in the past. He couldn't believe _he_ had felt like he had to convince them.

No, that was a lie. He did know why they had brought him with them. They were Fairy Tail: it was their instinct to help people in trouble. Their conscious wouldn't have allowed them to leave this creature when he was so clearly in need of some type of help. They would have come around eventually to his reasoning.

"Go to sleep Natsu." Lucy murmured into his ear. He flinched slightly – her voice was too close – but her words were softly spoken and very soothing. He grumbled somewhat but he very much liked the idea of just going to sleep and pretending all of this hadn't happened…

Maybe he would wake up and this would all end up being a dream? Maybe he wouldn't go on any requests for a couple of days since this was a little _too_ weird… At the very least, he wouldn't accept any requests for him specifically.

She began to hum something very familiar – it was an old lullaby, one he could only vaguely remember. He was pretty sure a woman used to sing it to him when he was really small. Perhaps his mother? That was the only thing that made sense, even though he was pretty sure he didn't even have any memories of his biological parents before now…. Funny, this song was _really_ familiar for some reason…

Eventually, the rocking of the train and her voice somehow lulled him to sleep.

* * *

Natsu was the first to get off the train when they reached Magnolia Station. He spent the next five minutes reacquainting himself with solid, unmoving ground as he wept tears of joy. It was the rainy season, so there was a thick layer of mud which he rolled around like he was a little kid again. Grey clouds hung ominously low in the sky, threatening to burst open again soon.

"Oi, Pea Brain. Stop acting like a lunatic and carry Zeref since you seem to be the only one who can touch him. And hurry up. I don't want to stand out here and get wet."

Natsu stopped rolling around in his glorious mud and sat up, ready to set his palm ablaze. He nearly asked Gray if he wanted to have another go at it when he stopped himself. He was covered in _mud._ And Gray didn't want to get wet, which meant he probably didn't want to get _dirty…_

He smirked. Mentally. He stood up and strutted over to the Popsicle, making sure his movements were casual. As soon as Erza's back was turned, he leapt on him in the form of a "hug." Gray shrieked and began to bat at him with his hands— "GERROF, GET OFF— _DRAGNEEL_! AGGGH! YOU—"

Natsu stepped back and admired his handiwork. Gray had mud plastered all over his front from his shoulders down. There was some even on his face. It was a look that suited him.

"I'm going to gut you," Gray seethed, teeth barred as the air chilled. "I am going to gut and fillet you like a fish."

For once, he sounded serious enough to alarm him slightly—After all, there was a reason why Gray was his _rival_. Still, it was worth it.

"Natsu," Erza said, probably saving him from his imminent doom. "Are you taking him?" She was dragging Zeref along behind her with a rope attached to his wrists. He winced. Rope burns weren't fun to deal with ( _How did he know that? He's never been tied up in his life._ ). It was unexpectedly aggressive for Erza – unexpected, but not undeserved.

A part of him wanted to leave this cruel person to his fate with Erza – She actually _liked_ him and Gray but she still would throw a punch at them if she thought they deserved it – but that wouldn't be fair to her. The distant look she got in her eyes when she was remembering her childhood reflected out at him.

 _Gray's temper is worse than it usually is. Lucy's quieter than normal._

Maybe he shouldn't have insisted on taking Zeref with them….

Too late to go back now. He had to own up to his choices and stand by them.

"Yeah. I'll take him."

He walked over to Zeref and knelt by his shoulder to cut through the rope. It was odd, how someone so evil could look so _helpless._ It tugged at something inside of him for some reason. He shouldn't feel angry at Erza, really he _shouldn't._ But he did. And he wasn't angry in the way that he wanted to burn something—It was different. Deeper. Almost like how he felt whenever Lucy cried, but not quite the same…

It didn't make any sense and _that_ was what made him want to burn something.

Deftly, he fished his knife he kept inside the secret compartment in his boot and he sliced through the rope. He pulled Zeref over his shoulder and stumbled from his weight. He was heavier than he looked. Just a little bit heavier than Lucy, which was saying something since she was basically made out of muscle.

Once he adjusted, he nodded curtly at Erza. Then he tried to smile to take the edge off but he had a feeling it looked more like a grimace than a smile. It definitely didn't come as easily as his smiles usually did. "Let's go."

* * *

"You got back quick!" Mira sounded surprised. Natsu waited for her to notice him and his extra bundle, but she was too busy talking to Erza and Lucy to really notice him. He walked over to a table and dumped Zeref on top of it. He rolled his shoulders to loosen his muscles which had stiffened while he was carrying him. Happy floated over, carrying two fish, and sat down on the table adjacent to Zeref. He gobbled the first one down, barely chewing it.

"The job was fairly easy though we didn't get full pay."

"I still have enough to pay for my rent for three _months._ And I can still buy that really cute pair of jeans I saw at Stargazer the other day."

"What happened to Gray-sama?"

"Natsu. He hugged me."

Juvia had question marks floating all over her head, like even she wasn't sure how to react to the news. Natsu hoped she wouldn't go sprouting off that love rival stuff again even though she hadn't done it as often since they got back together and reformed Fairy Tail. Eventually, she clucked her tongue and waved her hand. Water leapt into the air and twisted around him, taking the mud away from his close. Gray smiled slightly.

"Thanks!"

"Who's that?" Wendy materialized out of nowhere, it seemed like. She rested her chin on his shoulder and tilted her head slightly. Huh. She must have hit a growth spurt. "He smells strange."

Natsu sniffed the air and then he wrinkled his nose. He couldn't smell Zeref.

"Him? He's a stray we picked up. Gray and Erza want to throw him out to the woods. I want to keep him. Happy and Lucy don't know what to do with him."

Wendy blinked. Lucy and the others wandered over, congregating around them. Happy steadfastly ignored him. "That's a first. Do you know what his name is?"

"Zeref!" He said cheerfully. And loudly. The chatter from the guild went dead silent and he realized his mistake a heartbeat too late when several heads turned with snapping sounds to stare at him. He was quite sure if something dropped a pin. he would be able to hear it.

"Did you _have_ to announce it to the world, Natsu?" Lucy sighed. He rounded on her.

"How was I supposed to know they would be listening?"

"Natsu, you shouted the name of the darkest, evilest wizard in history in a cheerful tone. Of _course_ we're going to hear you."

"…Oh."

She rolled her eyes. Another subtle difference in her behavior around him. Once, she would have stuck her tongue out at him and then smiled widely.

"What have you done?" Master Makarov jumped up onto the bar, and he stared at him with that _glare_ on his face. Natsu pointed at Gray automatically.

"It was her idea. Not mine."

"You're the one who saved his life and insisted we had to take him back to Fairy Tail!" Gray snapped at him. He tried to put his hands in his coat pockets before he remembered that he had torn his coat pockets off in his attempt to make Lucy bandages.

"Well, I wasn't about to let him die when he saved me and Lucy."

"Hey, why are you bringing me into this? I thought we agreed that I stay out of this." Lucy shot him an irritated glare but didn't do anything other than that to him.

"We didn't talk about what we were going to say." said Erza. "We probably should have."

"ENOUGH!" Gramps roared, silencing them. They turned away from each other to meet Gramp's smothering glare. Natsu flinched. He'd only seen that glare directed at his _enemies,_ not at one of his "brats." It couldn't be good that it was directed at them now… "One of you step up to explain how you got Zeref. Without dying, might I add."

There was a silence, and then Natsu heard three pairs of footsteps click away. He looked over his shoulder to see the others pointing at him without any emotion on their faces.

"Natsu? It looks like you have a story to tell."

 _Traitors._

Though not really, since he was the one who wanted to keep him and they had just agreed to it.

Natsu laced his fingers behind his back to stop them from wringing themselves and he cleared his throat. With every set of eyes on him, his mouth felt a little dry. _There's definitely a difference between speaking out in the middle of a battle and speaking with an audience._

Oddly, it was slightly scary. He decided to focus on Gramps to try to ignore the rest.

"Well, we split up. Lucy, Happy and I went down to the perimeter of the village to look around when this weird guy with teleporting-fire magic showed up and held Luce at knife point." Several gasps. "He… forced me to solve his riddles, though on the second he got distracted so I managed to get Lucy out of the way and we knocked him out." He stuttered for a moment, realizing how strange that sounded. Why did it feel like Fairy Tail was _judging_ him? He forced himself to continue, even though his voice wasn't quite as strong as it usually was. "Anyway, the mage woke up again and I didn't realize it until he was on top of me and Lucy. I didn't have any time to defend myself. And then Zeref jumped in front of me and took the blow meant for me. He's heavier than you expect for someone so thin…"

Silence.

"You were able to touch him? Directly?"

It was First. She was walking from behind him, but he didn't move as he nodded. "Yes."

"Odd…" she sounded like she was lost in thought. He turned around in time to see her walk pass Zeref. He noticed that her fingers touched his shoulder, and how he seemed to smile slightly. Nobody said anything. Then she stared at him, her eyes narrowed somewhat as she tilted her head like a curious child. "I wonder…" and then she shook her head. "Never mind. It's ridiculous." She stepped away from Zeref. Zeref mumbled something.

"Eighth, if you are going to detain him here for the council, you will need to somehow block his magic from lashing out when he wakes up. Somehow, he knocked himself out even though it shouldn't be possible."

Lucy said, "He was bleeding. We just assumed he passed out from blood loss."

First's eyes widened. She looked at Natsu for a split second – _Why does she keep doing that?_ – then she nodded. "Right. Bleeding. I didn't know you could still bleed while under that curse…" She crossed her arms and tapped her chin. "Hmm. I'm not sure if there is a way to bind his magic. Probably something with runes… the opposite of death… maybe some type of script?"

"Well, Lucy's a Celestial Spirit Mage." Gray's tone was thoughtful. "Can you ask one your spirits if there's a way to bind Zeref?"

Lucy rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, sure." She fished around her chain again, probably looking for the spirit that searched through the Celestial archives. She must have been collecting them – she had so many now. How many did she have? She brandished a silver key in front of her and then snapped her arm to her side. " _Gate of the Southern Cross, I open thee! Crux!_

He heard a chiming sound and long ribbons created out of light exploded from the key. He shielded his eyes when the glare got too bright.

"Hello Miss Lucy!"

Natsu dropped his arm and a tiny smile crept onto his face. Out of all her spirits, Crux was one of his favorites (Plue was his absolute favorite). He always helped them get out of tight spots. Plus, he wasn't pervert like Loke or Taurus.

"Hey Crux!" She smiled widely at him. At least she didn't seem to be … disconnected with her Celestial Spirits, like she seemed to be with him and the rest of Fairy Tail. "I have a question. Do you know anything about binding death magic?"

"For him?" He pointed at Zeref. She nodded. "I need a few minutes." He closed his eyes and began snoring. There was silence again for a moment and then several heads rotated to stare at Lucy.

"Is he supposed to do that?" Cana asked. Lucy sighed.

"He's searching through the archives."

"The what?"

"The celestial archives," First expanded for Happy's sake as she sat down next to Natsu. She glanced at Zeref before looking away, and then she said to him in a lower tone of voice, "I don't like this, Natsu. You have no idea how many terrible things he's capable of doing."

"I don't like this either," he admitted quietly. He wasn't able to hide his reasoning from First—He'd never been able to. She always seemed to know more than she let on. "I don't think I can live with myself if I just left him there, bleeding out. Maybe we can break his curse somehow."

She looked away. "The only way to break his curse is through death. And he can't die, so…" she trailed off. She was looking at him with such a sad look in her eyes that it made him uncomfortable. "This is only temporary, blocking his magic. A band aid over the infected area. At some point, his magic _will_ boil over and break through the locks."

That was a warning if he had ever heard one. He just didn't know why she was directing it at _him._

"Then we'll deal with it when that time comes."

"I got it!" Crux spoke up, interrupting First. Relief settled on him and he stopped fidgeting. There was something about her that made him nervous to be alone with her too long. "Use celestial light, a bracelet made from solid script, and strengthening runes to hold the Celestial Light in to bind his magic."

Freed and Levy came up to stand beside Lucy. Several people had wandered off now that the drama was over. Erza and Gray looked somewhat reluctantly drawn in. "Celestial light?" Lucy repeated. "What's that?"

"It's a stronger form of Urano Metria. That was how the original Celestial mages bound Zeref's magic until…" He paused and looked at Lucy. There was reluctance written all over his face. "Until someone called Anna freed him."

There was silence for a long moment, and then Lucy nodded. Her eyes hardened as she smoothed out the front of her shirt and pushed the sleeves of her jacket up. Levy smiled slightly and, out of nowhere it seemed like, a pen materialized.

"We should make some type of band that isn't very noticeable." said Levy. She looked at Freed. "What material do you think…?"

"Silver or gold," he replied. Lucy nodded in agreement.

"Silver is probably better," she said. "Gold might be too flashy. Plus silver has more anti-magic particles than gold."

"Not only that but the metal holds Celestial magic better." Levy chewed on the end of her pen, eyes darkening in thought.

"Maybe coat it with something though—I'm pretty sure silver conducts electricity. And it tarnishes easily." said Lucy.

"Electricity?" interrupted Gray lowly. He looked at First in askance and she nodded.

"We don't use it as much as we did several hundreds of years ago. Pure silver was one of the best conductors of heat and electricity."

"Do you know what to coat it with, First?" asked Freed. First shook her head.

"I don't know."

Levy frowned. "Maybe some type of alloy…?"

"Copper?" suggested Lucy. "My dad mentioned once that copper makes silver stronger."

"Would that stop the electricity though?"

"It should," said Freed. "People make eating utensils out of that alloy."

Natsu was barely able to follow half of what they were saying – They were speaking too quickly for him to keep up. He had no idea Lucy knew so much about silver, let alone the others. It was humbling, to think that they were here in Fairy Tail helping somebody even though they had reservations about it.

"Okay," Levy said. She nodded once, firmly. "Solid Script: Bracelet made out of alloy copper and silver!" As she was speaking, she moved the hand holding her pen in the air like she was writing. Immediately, a thin silver bracelet fell on top of the table. It looked rather unremarkable.

"Is that enough?" asked Lucy. She looked at Freed who nodded. Suddenly, an odd light entered his eyes.

"How about I carve the runes directly into the bracelet? Then we can monitor his magic that way, and Lucy can strengthen it daily so that the bracelet can hold it back longer."

"Brilliant!" Lucy's eyes sparkled and she smiled up at him. Natsu blinked. Since when has she looked at him like that? _No, stop! That's pointless! Pay attention to what they're doing!_

"Right, I'll carve the runes first. You'll have to put Celestial Light _immediately_ into it though. Without your magic in it—"

"It'll be unstable?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded.

"I can help stabilize to it while Lucy's transferring Celestial Light into it," Levy said. Freed nodded again once.

"Hopefully, this isn't going to blow up," he muttered. He looked at Lucy. "Ready?"

She shook her head. "No. I don't know how to cast Celestial Light?" Her voice lilted up like she was asking a question as she looked at Crux.

"Just chant Celestial Light," he said.

Lucy frowned. "That's all?"

"The more powerful the spell, the less you need to speak."

"Oh." She blinked. "Am I strong enough to then?"

"Miss Lucy," Crux's voice was a mixture of warm and weary, "you one of the most powerful Celestial Mages and you use one of the hardest types of Celestial magic to master. You are certainly powerful enough to handle this spell."

Lucy flushed and smiled. "Okay. Then I'm ready."

Freed exhaled. "Let's do this." he said, and his right eye burned purple. He lifted his fingers into the air. " _Dark Écriture:…"_ then he spoke far too quickly for him to understand. Several runes were etched into the bracelet in a winding fashion. He heard Lucy gulp.

Freed pulled away with a stumble. Natsu moved to catch him in case he was going to fall.

"Celestial Light!"

A blinding light filled the room. Freed sank into a chair. There was a _sssst ssst_ sound, like the wind was howling outside. Something crashed with a clatter.

Then it all stilled.

Lucy stumbled back and slid to the ground with a plop. The light seemed to wink out into Zeref's bracelet which Gray snapped onto the mage's wrist without missing a beat.

"Are you okay?" asked Wendy eventually. Lucy began to laugh but it quickly dissolved into a fit of coughing. Wendy darted forward, but she waved her off.

"I'm okay."

Zeref snored suddenly, startling all of them. Natsu traded a look with Happy, who started to laugh. He followed him soon after, along with everyone else.

* * *

 _Sorry for the delay in posting this update. It turns out that I'm still a horrible procrastinator._

 _The art is on tumblr under protectionunisonraidbang2015._


	3. CHAPTER III: Questions

_"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next." – Ursula K. Le Guin_

 **CHAPTER III: Questions**

* * *

 **ZEREF'S** head ached, his chest felt hollow, and his side throbbed when he came back to Earthland. More than anything, he wanted to go back to the darkness that had surrounded him like a fluffy blanket, warm and comforting, hiding him from reality. But wakefulness kept nudging him, bringing him back to the land of the living against his will, and he knew that it wouldn't be long before he felt restless enough to sit up. He'd never been one for lounging in bed; it had been a habit leftover from his father dragging him up at the crack of dawn to tend to the animals, and then, later, from his teacher frowning upon wasting away morning hours.

(Only Natsu would find the one person who actually _enjoyed_ waking up with the sun and _convince_ her to take them in as apprentices. Sometimes, he honestly wondered if his brother had deliberately set out to torture him.)

The remains of his dream kept him from wanting to wake up anytime soon also, so he kept his eyes closed and buried further into the softness that was bedding and blankets, which was something he wanted to marvel at but shouldn't. He didn't deserve the luxuries that normal people took for granted.

For once it had been a good dream— another something he didn't deserve, but that didn't make him any less grateful for it. It was more of a memory than a dream, of back when he was young and had just started to learn the magic of life. Natsu had been there: he had fallen asleep over his books, and his younger brother had draped a blanket over his shoulders, throwing logs into the fire to chase away the chill. He couldn't remember much more than that.

 _It's so soft... way softer than the ground..._ he hummed happily in the back of his throat, curling into the blankets again. It had been so long since he felt so comfortable, if ever. Back home, they only had blankets to spread against the ground and no kind of padding because they hadn't had the money to afford any beds. This felt like the clouds; soft and fluffy and warm. (The scientific part of his mind grumbled because clouds were not _warm_ but he ignored it with a practiced ease.) Maybe he could somehow fall back to sleep? He really didn't want to wake up again...

Half formed recollections danced through his head. Of walking through a town and sensing a strange presence, and then seeing Natsu throw himself over that girl, as if he could shield her with his own body. In one of his rare moments of clarity, he had known he had to protect Natsu. While Zeref was unable to die, Natsu could, and he _couldn't_ lose his brother too even though they were so distant from each other that it might have been funny if it hadn't been so terribly sad. He had an immortal body, after all. Or he had an immortal body until Natsu grew powerful enough to kill him.

For some reason, that awful darkness that always lurked in the back of his head wasn't creeping into his conscious, clouding his thoughts, tearing between hating Natsu and loving him. Between hating life and loving it.

He liked to tell himself that he didn't care about anything, but it was another lie he told himself. He cared too much. He cared until it literally hurt people around him and made him bleed. The weight of his sins was something that could not be denied after all. Such was the curse of Ankhseram. The more someone cared for people, the more individual lives it stole until he no longer cared about anything or anyone.

Still, throwing himself in front of Natsu...

 _How stupid._ A bitter smile played at the edges of his lips, though he didn't allow it to grow. He couldn't believe he had just thrown himself in front of Natsu like that—he could have killed his girlfriend by accident. If he was remembering correctly, he had killed that other man. That was weird. Normally, his curse just killed everything... not that he really tested it out. He wouldn't figure it out eventually anyway, he had no desire to plunge Earthland back into the Dark Ages. He should get back to Tenroejima soon anyway...

(He wished he could regret taking a life; after all, his teacher had taught them that all life was precious. But he _would_ have killed Natsu, he had seen far too many men and women like him who would kill without hesitation, and if it was a choice between his brother and some _deplorable_ creature then... well, it wasn't very much of a choice, was it?)

It was quite strange, actually, now that he was able to ponder it. He felt so comfortable. He felt so _sane—_ he couldn't even feel the curse lurking in the back of his mind. It was like it had been... fully destroyed somehow.

But that was just ridiculous. Ankhseram had been addling with his head for so long. It showed no mercy; something he understood far too well. Far too many years had passed for him to bother with counting them, but this wretched curse had wreaked havoc upon everything that had made him the person he once was. Maybe it was just pretending to be gone, so that he'll lower his guard? It wouldn't be the first time something like that had happened.

He didn't really know what to do with it anymore, what with it being so... confusing. (Hah! As if confusion was something he didn't live with.) He wished he could see a Psychiatrist; they were supposed to help crazy people, weren't they? Or maybe he would scare them away... _Oh, I cursed myself accidentally in an attempt to resurrect my little brother after he was killed in a fire. It causes me to go bonkers and kill people all around me. Don't worry though, I brought him back to life. He's a demon now, even though he doesn't know it. Oh, and he's gonna kill me when he gets strong enough. Don't worry. I won't be here to terrorize humanity much longer. Thank whatever God you happen to believe in._

He was sure that would go over splendidly.

With a groan, he realized that there was no way he would get back into that dream. He didn't _want_ to wake up; when he woke up, he would have to deal with consequences of his foolish, selfish sacrifice. He wasn't looking forward to cleaning up his own blood. Again.

But he would do it again if it meant Natsu would survive. It was his duty to protect his younger brother. (He never forgot what their father told him, all those years ago, before it had all went wrong).

And he had a lot to make up for.

His wrist felt cold, oddly enough. He just noticed that. Actually, now that he thought about it, _where_ was he? If he was on the ground, it would be hard. If he was (technically) dying then he would be in a _lot_ more pain. All he had were irritations, nothing that made him want to scream or sob like a baby. And he felt sane.

How queer.

Well, he wasn't sure how he felt sane exactly. He didn't _know_ what sanity was. He just felt... not insane. At least he didn't have the urge to go out to kill people. But this feeling, whatever it was, made him feel _lighter_ if that made any sense. Natsu might have had the word for it, he'd always been better had pinpointing emotions.

Or maybe he was just in a different kind of insanity. One where his thoughts went around in never ending circles. That was probable. His thoughts _always_ went around and round in circles; they moved too quickly for him to keep up with them.

"Hey, you're awake!"

Zeref jolted up at the voice—he _knew_ that voice, though it was certainly pitched lower than he was used to—and smacked his head against something. The other voice swore as he leaned over and rubbed his forehead to stop it from smarting. His eyes watered.

Then he froze all over again. That voice—it belonged to Natsu. But that was impossible. He had died and then he wasn't dead. Then he had a guild he had to run: Even as E.N.D., he had wanted a family. Then he had disappeared with that overgrown lizard and joined Fairy Tail, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. There was _no way_ his brother was here. He had to be hallucinating.

 _Can you feel pain in hallucinations?_ A part of him wondered helpfully.

"Jeez, can't you be more careful next time? Ow... that feels worse than that time Popsicle threw me outside that window in that two story house. How is your head so _hard?_ "

Nope. It was Natsu all right. No one could imitate that grumbling tone he took whenever he was annoyed over something. Now, the question was _how?_ He had been in some crazy situations before, but never, in his wildest dreams...

 _Wait._ If Natsu was here then he must be in Fairy Tail, which meant...

 _Life._

His eyes flew open again. It was a miracle that his curse hadn't been triggered yet—he never could fully think of Fairy Tail as objects even though he had tried so hard; he had a strong, _strong_ connection with Mavis and Fairy Tail was her guild—but he had to get out of here. He couldn't let them get hurt. He couldn't allow himself to bring harm upon _Mavis'_ guild, couldn't permit this curse to touch them too—

There was a pair of warm hands pressing down again his shoulders, almost uncomfortably warm. Natsu's face swam into his sight, and he realized that the edges of his vision were dark and blurry. His breathing caught in his throat as he stared into his baby brother's green eyes. He felt a little dizzy and his whirling thoughts screeched to a complete, utter halt.

No longer a baby. This wasn't his younger brother; this was a young man. He just had to remember that and he would be okay long enough to hold himself together. Later, he could break down. Later, he could curse and scream at the heavens for a mistake he had made long ago, for the sin he had to carry for the rest of his days on this earth, however long that may be.

(Still, he couldn't help but be a little awed that Natsu was _here_ and he was _alive._ It was so _tempting_ and so _cruel_ , to be so close to his brother but be unable to do anything about it either.)

"It's all right. My name is Natsu Dragneel. Well, you already know that... never mind. You're in Fairy Tail."

His heart plummeted. No, no, _no._ What had he been _thinking?_ He would kill them at the flip of a coin! It was a miracle he was still alive! He blindly shoved Natsu out of the way. He had to get out of there; he had to protect them, and then he could disappear forever. He should have forbidden himself from ever stepping out into the world. What an _idiotic,_ selfish person he was. (Nothing new there.) If these humans—men, women, _people_ —died, it would be his own fault. And Natsu... he couldn't do that to Natsu. He wouldn't hurt him anymore than he had to.

"I need... my curse..." His thoughts whirled so quick that he couldn't formulate full, proper sentences. His breathing was becoming more shallow and he felt dizzy. The world swayed.

"Whoa!" Natsu suddenly darted out and threaded his arms around him. The air felt like it had been sucked out of his lungs when his right arm threw itself around his chest, and the other across his shoulders and back, like he was hugging him. He slowly rotated his head to look at his brother who supported him. Natsu was as tall as he was now. He'd once been several heads shorter than him. And he was touching him.

"Y-you..." he stuttered, his thoughts halting. Warm. Natsu was warm. He hadn't even _felt_ another human being in so long... since Mavis. His eyes stung. "You can touch me." He breathed. "You're not dead."

He was so, so warm. Almost feverishly so, but that was something that was normal; the flying lizard had taught him fire magic like he had before. And he was E.N.D., too, a fire demon. And _his_ Natsu, the one who lived in his memories, his only family left, had loved being near fire even though it had destroyed their house and had taken everything from them. Him.

Natsu pulled away slowly, still holding his arms out as if he was a baby who was learning to walk. He wanted to pull him back in for another hug, but that was selfish too. He was already pushing his luck as it was; he needed to leave, before his curse activated and—

"Yeah, about that... See, we put a magic suppressor on you to stop your curse from killing us."

Zeref's legs collapsed into the comfy bed (a _bed!_ ). Natsu's arms hung by his sides.

"That's not a good idea..." He eventually murmured. He felt like he was about to cry, and everything was going all over his head, which was something that hadn't really happened to him, even _before._ There was a reason why he had been considered a genius when he was a child. "I tried to do that once, but it still exploded out of me after a month. I was so sick too."

Natsu grinned. His teeth were more pointed than he remembered— and were those _fangs?_ Those definitely weren't there after he had been resurrected, let alone _before_. Was this something that came from the dragon? "You just used a regular suppressant, right?"

"Yes." He nodded hesitantly. He closed his eyes and discretely pinched his arm. When he opened them, Natsu was still there. _Nope. Not a dream._

"Well, Lucy, Levy and Freed – my _nakama_ – made this specifically for you." Natsu tapped his chin with a frown. Zeref couldn't look away—even the small gesture felt like some miracle being performed before his eyes. His brother. His brother was alive. And Zeref didn't hate him, or want to kill him, or had any conflicting feelings. Just love, and awe, and wonder, and fear and confusion and— Maybe those were conflicting emotions? He didn't know. How sad his existence was, to not even know himself. "Wendy and Porlyusica healed you yesterday. You've been unconscious ever since."

"Oh."

His head was spinning around in circles and buzzing and he knew he wouldn't be able to make sense of this strange, new information so he closed his eyes for a moment and breathed in deeply to calm himself. He was in Fairy Tail. They had figured out how to bind his curse so that he couldn't kill them. They had healed him.

He had gone completely bonkers. Off his rocker. Insane. Mad. He _would_ dream up something half-mad.

"Nope. You're not dreaming." Natsu said, and he opened his eyes. He hadn't realized he had been talking out loud. He stared at Natsu again, resisting the impulse to pull on his nose and pretend that he had 'stolen' it like he used to when they were young. Natsu didn't know him. He didn't know they were brothers, or that he was over four hundred years old from a different eon, or that he had died in a fire like their parents before them, or that was E.N.D.. This Natsu didn't have any memories from _his_ Natsu; he had made sure of that.

"Why did you save me?"

Zeref blinked at the unexpected question. Why wouldn't he save his brother? He had failed to protect him once—oh, that's right. Natsu didn't know.

His brother scratched the back of his neck, a habit that Zeref remembered he used to have before he died. It usually kicked in when he was nervous. "I mean, it doesn't make any sense. You want to kill me, doncha?"

He cringed at the slang, and bit his tongue against the urge to correct it. Even when he was little, he had made fun of him for being a know-it-all when he hadn't ignored or glared at him.

His tongue smarted. He hadn't meant to _literally_ bite his tongue.

Natsu was staring at him now; his gaze was so intense. He didn't remember it ever being that... strong. _His_ Natsu had always smiled and been innocent, always blindly trusting him. He wouldn't even harm a fly. But this Natsu was different. Of course he was. He had grown up differently. Enemies were constantly trying to kill him. It was like this version of his younger brother was trying to read his intentions, trying to figure out if he meant him harm. Not only that, Zeref hadn't seen him smile once. And from what he observed, he _thrived_ on fighting and creating chaos, not talking his way _out_ of a fight.

(Zeref had always been the reckless, hotheaded one between the two of them. _One_ of them had to have enough commonsense to hold back and apologize.)

"Zeref?" Natsu waved his hand in front of his face. "Earthland to Zeref."

"Um..." his tongue felt glued to the roof of his dry mouth. Well, it was obvious Natsu wouldn't let him drop it, which meant that he would have to admit that they were brothers... "I have to protect you." He stalled.

"You've tried to kill me at least once."

"Sorry about that. I'm insane." He deadpanned. Natsu inched away from him, as if he was just remembering that. Zeref wanted to laugh—if he thought a mere two extra inches was enough to protect himself... well, he was sorely mistaken.

"I've noticed. Why do you have to protect me?"

Zeref frowned. "You're persistent, aren't you?" Granted, Natsu had _always_ been persistent. So was Mavis, as a matter of fact. Maybe he should run away from persistent people? But they'd only chase after him; that was why they were persistent.

"Comes with convincing a dragon to teach you magic." Natsu shrugged, his expression nonchalant. Zeref raised an eyebrow and sensed a story behind that statement. He almost wanted to ask (knowledge, after all, had been one of the few things he had been able to truly love without hurting somebody, though most of it came out of books) but he didn't have the right. Wouldn't ever. He had given Natsu a second chance and like _Hell_ was he going to let his sins ruin his brother's happiness.

"There has to be an explanation," Natsu prodded, his eyebrows knitting together and his face was startlingly easy to read. Clearly, he didn't have a poker face like _before._ "This isn't the first time you've done something like this. It doesn't make any sense; you're _Zeref._ You're not supposed to save a stranger."

And that was the crux of the problem, wasn't it? Once, Natsu would have trusted him blindly (or would have punched him if he did something stupid enough to get him angry). But now he was Black Mage Zeref instead of Older Brother. He was an enemy, not a friend. Certainly not someone he would trust with his life.

Still, he did owe Natsu an explanation.

"Well..." He said slowly. His stomach curled into itself, but that was just nerves probably. After all, Natsu seemed fairly friendly to him... maybe he wouldn't completely hate him? He ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the quilt. That was a pretty shade of blue. "You're my brother."

For a moment, there was this horrible, complete silence. Until Natsu laughed. Zeref swiftly jerked his head back. That was an odd reaction to being told you were related to the evilest mage on the planet.

"Yeah, right." He was smiling. "There's no way I'm related to you—you're, like, 400 years old. Let alone be your brother. That would make me over four hundred years old too."

He didn't believe him.

Actually, it wasn't all that surprising, really. Zeref was pretty sure _he_ wouldn't believe _himself_ if he was in Natsu's place. But it still hurt, like a needle to his heart— a questionable heart in existence, granted, but it still hurt.

"Natsu..." he said softly. "I _am_ your brother. You are _my_ brother."

Natsu's smile slipped—oops—and his eyes widened slightly. For a moment, he thought Natsu's hands trembled but Natsu pressed them together, hiding any trace of any fear he might have felt from him. How terribly sad, for someone who had to hide when they were scared.

( _Of_ course _he would hide if he's scared! You're the most evil mage to walk earthland!_ )

"I don't understand, that's impossible." Natsu replied, his tone flat. He shook his head. "You can't be my brother. If we were brothers, then that would mean that we're somehow related. And you're ancient. I can't... it doesn't make any sense. You have to be lying."

Zeref felt unnaturally calm. Rationally, he knew that he would have gotten angry at being called a liar if it had been anyone but his brother—he was many things, but a liar was not among them—and he would have probably slipped into that awful black fog to distance himself from the hurt. Now though, it was like he was shutting himself out in a completely different way, trying to numb himself from the pain. But he didn't know what emotion this was; he was completely helpless to it.

But he had to make Natsu _believe_. He had been hiding it for so long... he couldn't do it any longer. _Somebody_ had to know. Know what, he wasn't quite sure.

"Why would I lie?" He closed his eyes as the memories danced into his consciousness. "I don't need to create an imaginary brother to prove that I'm insane. I quite clearly remember my younger brother, whose name was Natsu Dragneel."

Natsu's shoulders were tense as he stared at the door, blatantly avoiding his gaze. Zeref couldn't take his eyes off him, unable to believe his brother was close enough that if he wished to, he could reach out and _touch_ him. If he glanced away from him for even a second, it felt like he would disappear from his life forever.

"Coincidence," he said eventually, shattering the silence. "I'm sure I'm not the first Natsu Dragneel to be born in a century. And, even if we were related, you would probably be some kind of great uncle. Or something. Not a—a _brother._ "

Or something.

Frustration began to take a hold of him, and he reached out to grasp Natsu's shoulder before he remembered himself. Even if they had somehow managed to chain his magic in, everything he touched slowly withered and died. Still, why would he make something like this up? There were many things that were wrong in his life, and even more that he was uncertain of, but this was not one of them.

"I'm not a liar. I have a younger brother. His name is Natsu Dragneel. He was the only person I had left after our mother walked out on us and our father died from the plague. You were the one who wanted to learn magic and convinced our teacher to take us in after she said no to me. Several times. I remember holding—" _I remember holding your trembling body as the dragon set fire all around us, watching as you slowly succumbed to the burns. I remember you telling me not to do anything stupid._ "I remember watching you die."

Natsu's eyebrows furrowed. Something like compassion (and he knew that emotion on his brother's face because he had to learn to read E.N.D. like one would read a book after resurrecting him) flitted across his face. The tension drained from his shoulders and he slumped in his seat slightly.

"I'm here now though. I can't be dead." he said, half to himself, and Zeref barely held himself back from taking him by the shoulders to shakethem. "You're confused and mistook me for your brother."

"I'm _not_ confused," he corrected, clenching his fist before he realized what he was doing. Swinging his legs from underneath the covers, he let them dangle over the side so he could meet Natsu's gaze square on. He _dared_ him to try to deny the truth as it rung. "I would not have taken that knife for you if I was."

"You have no proof." But Natsu sounded uncertain, and he glanced away.

"Look at me in the eyes and tell me I'm lying then."

As if he had been shocked, Natsu jumped and his head swung around. Zeref locked his gaze with his, refusing to allow his younger brother to shy away from him. A moment that felt like an eternity slipped passed them by. Eventually, something in his green eyes shifted, like a storm had begun to brew, and Natsu pressed his hands together—like he always used to do, when he was trying to hide something.

"My name is Natsu Dragneel. A dragon who taught me Dragon Slaying magic raised me. I'm a mage of Fairy Tail." He stood up. "I'm _not_ your brother—you must be deluded. Or maybe you fooled yourself into believing I am."

Zeref stood too, and he was half surprised that his legs were able to hold him. "I'm not unstable enough to _make up_ a brother who died. I wiped your memories when I resurrected you—"

"You WHAT?!" Natsu's eyes widened and he took a step closer to him. Zeref automatically took half a step back, remembering how furious E.N.D. had been when he had found out. His reaction then had been similar to this on a more violent scale. "You did _what_ to my memories? Ugh, no! I don't believe this."

There was no doubt that this was his brother. Natsu had wrapped his arms around himself, like he was trying to shield himself from a danger – Zeref, perhaps, or even himself – as he cringed into himself in an attempt to make himself seem to be as small as possible. Reacting on half remembered instincts, he reached out and touched his shoulder like he used to when he had to try to comfort him.

"Don't touch me!" Natsu shoved his hand off, bending his fingers back and hurting them. "You're lying!" He repeated, but there was urgency in his words—like he was trying to make himself believe them. "I'm not your brother! I was never resurrected like... like those _demons_ from Tartarus!"

"Then why are you so upset?" Zeref gestured wildly with his hand as he sometimes did when he got angry with his brother _before_ , cradling the other close to his chest as it began to heal. "If you think I'm lying, then you wouldn't be trying so desperately to convince yourself that I'm not telling you the truth!"

Something in his eyes shuttered, and the fear and fury that had been prevalent disappeared into something... blank. Zeref didn't know how he was supposed to react; he'd never seen him like this. "You're mad," he said, quite serenely. Zeref stared at him blankly, because, yes, he was mad. "Why am I arguing with you over this? I'm still _me_ any way you slice it."

Zeref hesitated. "Yes, you are," he agreed slowly, because that had been the most important thing to him. He had wanted Natsu to still be the person he had known. And he was, still, more or less. Though he was much more likely to jump into the thick of the fray than to hold someone back from it, like his idiot of an older brother, for example.

Natsu stared at him. Zeref stared back at him.

"What on earth is going on down here?" A girl's voice startled Zeref. Natsu jumped to the side, half turning to face her, and he recognized something about her red hair. "I can hear you screaming up in the... oh. He's awake."

The girl studied Natsu for a long moment, her face as hard as stone. Zeref saw something underneath his eyes glint when he turned his head to the side slightly, but he bit his tongue to keep himself from mentioning it.

"Get yourself something to drink," she said. "Your voice is hoarse and it's bothering me."

"Yes, ma'am." Natsu saluted her, and it might have been sarcastic if it wasn't so respectful, and then he turned and marched out. The girl faced him, planting her hands on her wide hips. Zeref wasn't quite sure how he respond—Should he act contrite, or should he hold his chin high and meet her gaze square on?

Before he could come to a decision, the girl made the choice for him by reaching forward and taking his elbow in a grip so tight it almost hurt. Zeref stared at her blankly as she guided him back into sitting down on the bed. _She's touching me. I haven't touched anyone human in years. I forgot how warm somebody's hand can be._

"My curse..." he eventually came up with, and her lips thinned.

"Of no consequence for now. I'd suggest you don't push your luck with us. We haven't turned you into the Magic Council yet, but if you step one toe out of line..."

"Why haven't you already?" If they were going to threaten him, he'd rather they just went and got it over with. The games humans played, getting someone to trust them only to stab them in the back later, was another reason why he avoided them in general.

"Natsu insisted. You saved his and Lucy's lives, he feels like he owes you a debt."

Zeref frowned. He didn't owe him anything at all though. "Why?"

"Why?" One dark, neat eyebrow rose higher onto her forehead before her face smoothed again. "It's what decent people do, if you're able to understand what that means."

That was an insult aimed directly at him. Zeref stiffened before he breathed in through his nose and released it with a huff. He was at their mercy, so anything he did could reflect poorly on him and they would take him to this Magic Council. Of course, he could break out without a hitch, but he wanted to gather information on this bracelet thing that suppressed his magic along with any other kind of knowledge he could get his hands on.

Besides, he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of rising to her obvious bait.

"Who are you?"

A strange expression flitted across her face, one he didn't know how to interpret. "Slave Twenty-Two." Wait, Fairy Tail had slaves? Mavis would have _never,_ in a thousand years, tolerated that. "She was right... you really weren't the possessed him..." Something in her eyes cleared, and her shoulders slumped slightly. "Or, at least, I was Slave Twenty-Two before a friend named me Erza Scarlet."

Erza Scarlet was a poetic name, but that was the only thing about it that stood out to him. She turned around and made her way to the door, and Zeref found it odd how she left her back wide open to him. Either she trusted him, or she was testing him—and both were risky maneuvers. It was something to respect, how bold she was, even if it was stupid at the same time.

The folly of youth. They thought they were invincible until someone proved they were not.

"Zeref?"

He startled. He hadn't expected her to address him by his given name. "Yes?"

"You have tears on your face."

The door slammed shut as she left the room. Slowly, he brought the healed hand up to his right cheek to brush across it. It was indeed damp.

He'd forgotten that even monsters like him still had tears to shed.

* * *

 _Sorry for the delay. Getting into Zeref's head was harder than I expected, and then I participated in NaNoWriMo which ate up all my free time._


	4. CHAPTER IV: Contradiction

_"Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation._ " _\- Edward R. Murrow_

 **CHAPTER IV: Contradiction**

* * *

 **NATSU'S** head, to put it simply, was a mess after Erza kicked him out.

He wanted to pretend that this was all just a horrible nightmare. Pretend that the last three days hadn't happened; that he was going to wake up soon and that he would go on some mission. But that was impossible, and it was stupid for him to even consider that this might be just a bad dream. He'd never run from anything, and after Igneel…

Well, he wasn't going to forget that lesson. There was no way he was going to let anybody else get hurt because of his naivety. There was no way he was going to accept Zeref's words just like that. They were just crazy! It was impossible for them to be brothers. Just thinking about it was completely insane; Zeref was evil. He was the stuff of nightmares. Children across Fiore were warned not to be bad because the Evil Sorcerer Zeref would take them away from their parents. Zeref loved nothing and he had no family. Certainly not a younger brother who was a member of a light guild of his greatest enemy.

So why had he jumped in front of him like that? Why had he shielded him with his own arms and his own body from that mage? He had thrown his arms out like he could shield him and he had taken a dagger that had not been meant for him. Natsu could have died if Zeref hadn't done that; or he could have found a way to avoid it. But he hadn't had time to think, and Zeref had saved his life.

It was hard for him to wrap his mind around it. He'd just _done that,_ like he had to _protect_ him or something, even though Natsu knew that he didn't need _anyone's_ protection, let alone some mad sorcerer's. He didn't understand why he would do it. Why he had saved his life like that. Natsu _knew_ evil and he knew redemption and there was no way Zeref should have been capable of being so _selfless_ if he was as evil and as corrupt as everyone said. And it baffled Natsu, because he _knew_ it wasn't just stories and myths that people uttered because they feared Zeref. Every great story had a grain of truth in it.

So.

That meant that Zeref had to have had a motivation behind saving his life.

Was he lying to him about being his brother? Except Natsu didn't give a damn about blood being thicker than water, and his actions made that obvious. He _made_ his own family. He _chose_ them. He was an orphan and it didn't bother him because a dragon had taken him in and had given him so much. He never placed much hope in family. Perhaps he had lied to him, thinking that he would lower his guard around him, so that he could capture Mavis or do something that would destroy everything he held dear?

But that would require premeditation. It would require watching Natsu for years, learning his weaknesses. If he wanted to infiltrate Fairy Tail, there would be a number of ways to make it easier rather than _pretending_ that he was related to somebody. He should have appealed to their sense of goodness; should have pretended that he was a lost soul and wanted to turn over a new leaf or _something._

Anything would have made more sense than this.

However, if he was telling the truth… Natsu didn't know what to think about that. If he hadn't lied, then that meant that they were brothers, that there was someone still alive that was related to him. It was ridiculous enough to almost be true. He certainly seemed to believe it.

But even if it was true, it didn't mean that Zeref was good. It didn't mean that he should trust him. If anything, it meant that he should be even more wary. He'd never had blood relatives; had never really thought about it much. But he knew that it was in his nature to get angry quickly and to forgive just as quickly. If he started getting attached to Zeref, because he started to believe that they were brothers…

He slid to the ground and curled his arm around his legs, staring at the wall without seeing it. There was that strange, bitter scent in the air again. It reminded him of cat urine and rotting flesh, as poignant and repulsive as death. A headache was beginning to form between his eyes, the last thing he needed to deal with on top of everything else.

Regardless of the tangled web of truths and deceptions that had been woven, his honor dictated that he return the favor. An eye for an eye, a life for a life—it was the same concept. Zeref had saved his life, so he would be in his debt until he repaid him.

There was a tapping on his shoulder, and when he looked up, Lucy was standing in front of him, the sunlight bouncing off her hair like a halo. There was concern in her gaze as she crouched down, her hand falling from his shoulder to his knee. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am. Why…?"

"You're crying, Natsu."

He lifted his finger and, to his surprise, found his cheeks wet. He didn't even know why he was crying. The last time he cried, he had been stricken with grief. This raw feeling wasn't anything close to that gut-wrenching despair; all he felt was wrung-out and confused.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know," he said, half laughing. He hid his face behind his hands. "I don't understand him. I don't… I don't get it, Lucy. Why would he save my life? _Our_ lives?"

"I don't know either." She sounded just as lost as he felt. "I'm just as confused as you are."

That was a first. She always knew the answers. He pulled his hands off his face and stared at her back, as she stood and turned away from him, walking toward the window. Her fingers wrapped around the window, so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"I don't have all the answers." There was bitterness in her tone, and Natsu wanted to tell her to tell him what was wrong, why she kept withdrawing from him, but the words caught in his throat and wouldn't come out. "There's a sink over there if you want to clean up. I'm going to get Gray."

"Okay." Her shoulders were stiff as she opened the door.

"Lucy?" he called before she could go. She stopped, but he couldn't remember what he was going to say. "Never mind."

"…Right."

She closed the door behind her with a soft click.

 _Coward._

* * *

He finished rinsing his face off with the sink water that kept spluttering and was suspiciously yellow and grainy - how long ago was this used? – and wiped his face off just when he heard them, stomping around like an oncoming heard of rhinos.

"Natsu!" Erza called, coming out one door as somebody opened the other.

"I'm still here." He turned the taps off and brushed his wet hands against his pants to dry them.

A flash of blue streaked through the room, and then Happy was cuddling up to his chest. Slowly, he wrapped his arms back around Happy—though he wasn't sure why he was being hugged like this, like he had nearly died.

Then Happy was flying away, and Erza was running at him, a spear drawn as her hair whipped around her like Medusa's vipers—

He leapt onto a chair, his hands slipping underneath him in his haste to get away from that sharp, pointy edge. He slid off the chair as the spear flew _right_ over his head and sank into the wall with a thud. A strand of his hair fell by his hand.

A beat of silence, then—

"Erza! Don't _kill_ him!"

"You just want your bed warmer intact."

"What? No I don't—"

"Don't deny it. We _all_ know about your dirty little secret."

"Do you want me to call Virgo?"

"Put your shirt back on, Gray. Lucy, don't threaten him with Virgo. I doubt Virgo appreciates it."

Natsu's heart rate decreased into a level that could be considered "normal" as he listened to Lucy and Gray bicker. He bit back a smile at the way Lucy's cheeks puffed out and turned red, the way they always got when she was mad. Usually, that look was directed at _him_ so it was nice for Gray to be at that end of it.

Or, at least, up until a year ago, that look had been directed at him. She hadn't really talked to him much ever since Fairy Tail was re-banded.

Erza snapped her fingers in front of his face, startling him to meet her steady stare. "Pay attention to me when I'm talking to you. What happened? Zeref won't explain anything."

He turned his head and stared at his hand. It had curled into a fist, his knuckles turning white as he made his grip tighter. _Figures._ He didn't want anyone to know—no, he was trying to get under his skin. He was trying to make him trust him for whatever nefarious deed he was planning. They were _not_ related to each other, let alone brothers. The only brother he had was Gray —not that he would admit it—and Erza was like the older, terrifying sister. Lucy and Happy were his family too. And he'd _chosen_ them, like he had chosen Igneel to be his family. One couldn't just show up and say they were family and expect him to just… accept it.

"Natsu!" She barked. He shook his head, avoiding her eyes. He wouldn't tell her though—couldn't; it was silly. It didn't matter, and he wouldn't let it get to his head. Because he knew that small part of him wanted to know who his family were—his _real_ family, flesh and blood… and the chance that Zeref might know, or be a part of it…

"Nothing. It's nothing."

Erza sighed and squatted down in front of him, her arms resting on her knees as she remained perfectly balanced on the balls of her feet. Slowly, ever so slowly, did he move his gaze away from his hands to meet her glare. "Did he try to do anything to you?" He stared at her for a moment, not understanding what she meant. Did he… what would Zeref do to him? Well, other than try to trick him into thinking they were family—

Wait. Surely she wasn't implying…

"No!" He blurted. "No. He didn't try anything."

"Are you sure? It's not something to be ashamed—"

"Of _course_ he didn't try to—to _jump_ me!" His voice hitched. "Why would you even _think_ that?"

She glanced away. "It's something his followers were fond of."

 _Oh._ The Tower of Heaven. That's right. She had been basically a slave for a cause that Zeref created. But that was something they never talked about—it was their unwritten pact; none of them talked about their pasts, or brought it up with anyone. But now it seemed like their pasts were all being dredged up in the worst of ways, lately.

"Natsu," Gray interrupted, unusually serious. "What _did_ Zeref say?"

"I don't remember," he lied. _Why are you LYING?_ "He talked about the past, a bit. He brought up Igneel." He trailed off, but he didn't have to explain more than that because Erza's hard stare softened and she moved back while Gray glared at a spot in the wall. Only Lucy and Happy were still staring at him in concern, but he knew that Lucy wouldn't speak up; Happy, on the other hand...

He rubbed his shoulder and stared at his still curled hand. Now he was lying, using Igneel as an excuse too and making himself remember how he died… What was _wrong_ with him?

 _You can still tell them everything, you know._

 _No!_

 _Why not? Do you believe Zeref?_

 _Of course I don't!_

 _Then why are you hiding this from them?_

 _Because… because I don't want to worry them._

Even that sounded weak. He couldn't believe he was arguing with himself over this now.

"You won't be alone with him from now on. Actually, you should try to avoid him as much as possible—" _Yes,_ he could do that— "We'll deal with the direct contact."

He nodded. "Okay."

Erza suddenly hugged him. He stiffened—why was _she_ hugging _him_?—but then his arms rose and he slowly encircled her around her shoulders.

"It'll all work out in the end. You'll see." Her words were softly spoken, probably because he was the only one who was supposed to hear, and he nodded mutely against her shoulder. Then, horrifyingly, those stupid _tears_ began to burn in his eyes again.

He began to pull back—she wouldn't appreciate him crying all over her—but her arms tightened around him and pulled his head down against her armored shoulder. For a moment, he just sat there, not exactly sure of what was happening—

Then another set of hands were wrapped around his waist, softer this time, but the muscle was sturdy and well defined. He tilted his head and inhaled Lucy's scent—something like the wild moors and nighttime and sweat and dirt; she'd gotten rid of that sickly sweet smell she used to put on when they were younger. Erza smelled of metal polish and strawberries and sweet things and Happy smelled of wet dog and fish. Gray stunk of cold and mountains and ice.

"Gray. Get over here."

"Do I have to?"

"Now."

Natsu almost laughed when he heard Lucy's threatening tone— it had been so long since he'd heard it spoken around him, and he wasn't disappointed; he bet it would one day take on Erza's, though that wouldn't be for a while yet. Gray grumbled but then he grasped his shoulder steadily—maybe a little tighter than necessary, but he wouldn't say anything because he _knew_ Popsicle was just waiting for him to fight back and he wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Guys?" Lucy's voice was small suddenly, and he twisted around so that he was staring at the crown of her forehead. She leaned her forehead against his chest, so he wriggled one of his arms out so that he could hug her back too.

"Yeah?" Erza responded.

"Let's stay like this forever, okay? No more going separate ways or disbanding or yearlong training missions." He shifted guiltily at the last one, remembering how he had only left her with a letter. Not one of his finer moments…. Still, he found himself nodding in agreement.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"We're sticking together."

"You're kinda stuck with us now. I missed Fairy Tail too much when we went our different paths."

Happy suddenly popped up from the pile of bodies. "We're like that red string, aren't we? No matter how much we wander and stray from the path, we always end up back together at the end of the day."

Natsu smiled too then. It was a nice analogy, even if he didn't believe in fate or destiny. "Exactly like that."

There was a heartbeat of silence, then Lucy shrieked, "GRAY! WHY IS YOUR NAKED CHEST PRESSED AGAINST MY BACK?"

"What? Not again!"

"Your shirt is over there Gray."

Natsu's smile widened as he watched Gray scramble around like a headless chicken and heard Erza sharpen her sword with a _zzzzzzshing_ sound while Lucy chased after Happy for saying something about her again.

He'd come to realize that eventually, everyone's paths separated for various reasons—but he'd take what he had for as long as he was allowed to keep it. Eventually, they might merge together again, if they were lucky.

He hoped they were the lucky ones.

* * *

The door opened again with a creak and Master Makarov stepped into the room, his steps far heavier than they should be for such a small body. An enormous magical presence issued off him in waves. But Zeref still had felt more powerful.

"Zeref."

He looked at his feet. He didn't deserve to look at Makarov—not when he was the master of Fairy Tail; _Mavis'_ guild. Not when he had killed Mavis, their first master. His stomach was flipping over on itself and he honestly felt a little sick because he was so nervous. What were they going to do with him? He knew they wouldn't kill him —it would be a mercy, but no, this was the lightest guild of the light, to kill was to murder, and he wouldn't ask them to sin for him; he didn't deserve it—which meant that they would have to do something else. Turn him into the council? At least those repressors were working for now, it seemed. His thoughts had a startling clarity to them that he hadn't been able to enjoy for centuries; he felt sane again. Not that he would take it for granted.

The bed dipped, and he cringed away when Makarov's wrinkly, thin skin brushed against his arm out of habit. _The more one values life, the more it takes—_ and if there was one form of life he could never detach himself from, it was Fairy Tail. But his curse couldn't hurt them right now, couldn't kill them. It had been tamed.

"Your name is Zeref, correct?"

 _Zeref._ That was his name. That was what history called him. He hated that name though; what it represented, the fear that came with it. But… it was the name Natsu called him by, when they had been children, before everything had changed. And that was the only redeemable quality it had, why he still went by his birth name. It was the only thing he had had left of Natsu… And, well, it looked like it _would be_ all he had of Natsu.

 _What? You expected him to greet you with open arms when he found out that you, the darkest mage in history with bipolar personalities, was his brother?_

He was almost surprised by how sarcastic his thoughts were. He had forgotten what that felt like, sarcasm. _Now that I think of it, I used to use sarcasm abundantly before the curse…_

"Zeref?" Makarov's tone had concern in it—but that couldn't be right! _No!_ Nobody was supposed to be concerned for him. He didn't deserve that privilege; everyone _hated_ him. He had slaughtered countless towns and created demons— he was… he was…

Something warm and wet hit clenched hand. Slowly, he stopped staring at the wall and dropped his gaze to his hand—his white skin stood out in stark contrast with his black toga—and… it was glimmering. A tear.

 _Am I… crying? Still?_

"Yes." His voice was rough. He cleared his throat and wiped underneath his eyes. "That is my name."

Makarov didn't respond at first, and Zeref got the feeling that he was scrutinizing him, even though he didn't know what there was for him to see. Was he trying to assess how dangerous he was? How likely he was to kill him? He wouldn't, if he could—he knew that the curse was just waiting, lurking… it was playing with him, waiting for him to grow attached— _more_ attached.

"Then you are the darkest mage who walked Earthland?"

He nodded mutely. Makarov tilted his head back, like he was looking at the sky. Zeref kept his stare fixed on the ground, on his feet—they were scratched and nicked and rubbed raw. Stupid curse always healed major injuries but it never touched the minor ones, the ones that wouldn't kill him but always, _always_ drove him mad.

Well, mad _der._

What was Makarov waiting for anyway? Why wasn't he just getting on with it? He knew that they would turn him into the council; it was the first time that he had been in a guild's clutches. He didn't really know how they did it—how they managed to tame the curse, or hold it back, or whatever they did to it… but he was grateful. For the first time in a long time, he felt somewhat sane.

 _Sanity. What a strange word._

"Are you… are you going to turn me in?" He wanted to slap himself. Why would he ask that? And why did he feel so… _nervous?_

"No." Makarov's tone was sure. His neck snapped as he raised it to look at the old man. His heart thumped wildly underneath his chest. "Not yet, at least. I want to watch you myself for a while, and the council would hardly give you a fair trial."

He blinked. "You don't trust your government?"

"Would you?"

"No. But that doesn't matter. I don't… I don't deserve to live." He looked away and closed his eyes. "I don't _want_ to live like this anymore." Makarov was watching him. He could feel his eyes burning into the back of his neck. He opened them and glared at him. "What?"

"You're not evil."

"Your observational skills are _astounding._ "

Makarov ignored his sarcasm. "There may be a way to free you from your curse…"

Zeref glared at the door. "I've turned every stone and opened every book to find a curse for this, Makarov. There's nothing. I would have found it by now if there was."

"Even in the Celestial World?"

He began to nod automatically—and then he stopped. Actually… he hadn't looked in the Celestial Realm. But he'd tried to stay clear of Celestial Wizards in general—something about their charisma had made him leery of them; the way they had people wrapped around their little finger, doing what they told them to do, even if the mage was a despicable person. (Like he had room to talk.) The power to hold other sentiment creatures, as slaves practically… to not have anyone go against them… That scared him.

"No?"

Makarov smiled. "Lucy is a Celestial Mage. I'm sure she'll be happy to help you." His thoughts halted. Celestial Mage. In Mavis' guild. That… wasn't good. Makarov must have read his expression. "Lucy is not like other Celestial Mages. She's different."

He frowned. "With all due respect, how do you know that? Most Celestial mages start out kind, but something corrupts them."

"Power; it always is the root of all evils." Makarov sighed. "I can't tell you how I know. Believe me, I keep an eye on her all the time… but I don't think she'll harm anyone in Fairy Tail, or even you if you don't provoke her."

He glanced away. "Why are you doing this?" He whispered. He was so confused… because only Mavis had shown him this kindness, and he never expected anyone to show it again. He was _Zeref_ after all.

"You can thank the First, not me. She's the one who told me not to turn you in."

 _The First?_ He frowned. What was he— _Mavis._ Mavis was the first master of her guild, of Fairy Tail. Was he talking about her?

"Mavis?" he breathed, pulling up and looking around, as if she would suddenly just appear in front of him. Nothing though. But now that he was paying attention, he could _sense_ her presence, sort of. It was far fainter than it was at Tenroejima Island, but it was there and it was steady and familiar. _Mavis._ He clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut when they burned—more tears. He was far too familiar with those when it came to her.

"Even though First trusts you, you will have a guard on you at all times. Just because you have our protection does not mean you have our trust."

"Of course not." He whispered. He opened his eyes. Makarov was walking toward the door. "And please… don't give it to me. I know I seem sane now, or relatively, but… just don't trust me. Ever."

The old man stopped. "You and Natsu… you're related."

It wasn't a question, but Zeref hesitated to confirm it… Natsu had seemed so angry… but Makarov already seemed to know. He probably suspected Natsu was END too. He got the feeling nothing got pass him.

"He's my brother."

"Are you going to hurt him?"

" _No_." He shook his head. "Never. He's my little brother. He's all I've got left."

Makarov exhaled. "I believe you. Don't disappoint me, Zeref."

He hesitated. The last time he had disappointed someone… well, he'd disappointed himself so many times… but another person to disappoint, it was strange. It had been so long ago. It felt strange to have someone say that to him; someone who had not been his Teacher.

 _"What have you done, you foolish pupil?!"_

He doubted he had expected him to turn into a necromancer when Life Magic was the only thing he wanted to learn—the thing he had breathed for. But it had become so dark and twisted in his hands—the dark arts, that was what the sages in the Temples had called it, and he had tangled himself in with it. And when he'd done that, Life Magic had turned into Death Magic, and humankind forgot the foundational magic. He doubted anyone could harness it now, if it even existed.

"I won't, sir."

Makarov looked over his shoulder. "Call me Eighth or Jii-chan or Master. Sir makes me seem stiff."

He felt a laugh bubble up in the back of his throat, but he didn't know how to laugh. So he smiled instead. A little. "I'm technically three hundred years older than you."

"Good thing I'm not _that_ old yet."

His smile widened. "Not yet, _sir._ "

Makarov rolled his eyes. "You're as bad as the lot of them—First! Stop laughing! Why are you laughing?"

The door closed behind him. Zeref rested his chin on his knees, and looked down at the wood floors again.

"You left a good legacy, Mavis…"

* * *

The thing Natsu didn't understand, was why Jii-chan had to summon them to the guild at five in the morning when Cana was still hangover and Lucy was half asleep and Erza was… drooling over some black cake? He shuddered at that a little.

Gray suddenly sat down across from him, slumping over and closing his eyes. Natsu was too tired to pick a fight with him— instead he just yawned and propped his head up in his hand. Lucy slid in the spot next to him with a cup of a dark liquid steaming in her hands.

"What is he doing?" she mumbled. Erza sat down next to Gray, still eating cake. "It's too early for this…"

Natsu yawned so widely his jaw popped. "I'm so tired, I don't think I can even eat…"

Wendy and Juvia sat down—Juvia on Gray's right and Wendy on his left. Wendy leaned against him as well, curling up and mumbling something about "warmth".

 _Am I being used as a heater?_ He wondered, feeling a little offended… but he was too tired to really move. Plus, Lucy was sitting next to him for once, so that made it okay. Her hair was tickling his neck and it smelled like… sunshine. Was that even possible? Light didn't have a smell, did it?

"How is she eating cake so early?" He asked, staring as Erza savagely attacked her cake. Gray shrugged.

"Dunno."

They waited in grumpy silence—at least, that was what it felt like to him—for the rest of Fairy Tail to stumble through the door from their respective homes. Alzack was the last one in, though Bisca and Asuka weren't with him. Lucky them.

"Why are we here?!" Gajeel demanded after everyone had sat. Makarov looked over at Mavis, who shook her head.

"Do you remember Natsu and the other's bring in Zeref?"

Natsu sank into the chair. Oh, he had a bad idea about where this was going…

"Yes?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Zeref will be staying here with us until we figure out what to do with him. I'd rather just let the council deal with him, but Mavis wants to know why he saved Natsu and Lucy."

"Oh, blame it on me. Like you wanted any different."

Makarov ignored her teasing and the eruption of protests from the guild. "I will not change my mind. However, we need guards… any volunteers?" Natsu shoved his arm up in the air and waved it around, setting it on fire for good measure. "Any volunteers other than Natsu."

He stared at Makarov, his hand falling as a feeling like acid burned him. Why would he say something like that? He was their best fighter, surely he should help guard Zeref if he got lose.

* * *

"Gramps! Why didn't you let me guard Zeref too? You chose everyone who volunteered _but_ me! You called me out in front of _everyone_."

Makarov looked tired as Natsu closed the door behind him and exploded immediately. He'd waited until now to make a fuss, but it almost surprised him how _old_ the master seemed in that moment. So, he didn't continue with his rant.

Somehow, it didn't feel right to him.

Instead, he quietly walked up to the chair that he usually sat in and stood in front of it, crossing his arms. Makarov's gaze was as piercing as ever, but Natsu had never cowed away before and he wouldn't start now.

"Tell me, do you really believe you can remain objective about him?"

Natsu opened his mouth to respond, but then he realized that if he said yes, which had been what he had meant to say, he wouldn't be telling the truth. So, he stopped himself. He had promised himself that he would never lie.

If he was able to remain objective about Zeref, would he have been so angry about what he had told him yesterday? Would he have felt as frustrated with Makarov if it was any other prisoner they were holding? Not that Fairy Tail was in the habit of keeping prisoners, but he knew that he wouldn't have cared about anyone else as much as he did in this case. He wouldn't have batted an eye if Makarov told him that he couldn't guard somebody under different circumstances. He'd probably just go off on some different mission.

Actually, he'd probably be annoyed if Makarov picked him to guard somebody. It was boring, and there were at least twenty different things he could list off the top of his head that would be more interesting than guard duty.

So what was different?

Zeref had told him they were brothers. He didn't trust him. He was frustrated and confused and that wasn't something he was used to. He rarely was frustrated and he always knew what he was going to do.

With a sigh, he hung his head and admitted, "No." He sat down in the chair and curled one leg underneath another. He looked up and met Makarov's eyes again. The old man was still watching him. "He told you what he told me, Gramps?"

Makarov smiled at him slightly. "I don't know what Zeref told you. It's not a habit to eavesdrop on my kids unless they're being brats."

He smiled back at him, remembering how many times he had been caught lurking outside the door with Gray or Erza or both of them whenever Makarov didn't want him to overhear what he was saying. Of course, there were times when Makarov didn't catch them—but Natsu had always suspected that he knew that they were there, but never said a word for some reason.

"Right." His smile died and he stared at him again. "I'm not happy about this."

"I'm sure you are not, but I am not changing my stance on this."

He figured that, but it didn't hurt to ask to make sure. He stood and nodded at him in deference, before he left him behind.

* * *

"You know, you're going directly against Master Makarov's orders." Happy said, startling Natsu so badly that he jumped—something that didn't happen often anymore. He spun around and saw where Happy floated in the threshold of the door into their bedroom. "You could get into big trouble."

He sighed and stared at the grain on the wardrobe. He didn't know it had been several different colors before. "Happy… I… Zeref could be manipulating them or something. It's not like Jii-chan just to forget that Zeref is the evilest mage that walked the planet. Something's up."

Happy stared at him. "It's not like you to forget that people are not who they seem." Natsu squeezed his eyes shut tight. "Look, Natsu. If this is about Acnolog—"

"Don't say it!" Just the name made him seethe. He couldn't forget it, ever. He was able to push it away, and pretend it wasn't there, but at night it crept into the corner of his mind. The need for revenge, to kill the murderer of his father—and then he had to destroy Zeref too, the creator. Or, at least, that was how he had felt until this new bombshell had been thrown at him. He gestured uselessly with his hand for a moment. "I… it's not about my dad, or anything. I just… I need to do this. Especially after…" _he told me we were brothers._ Lied. _Lied._ He had to keep it clear in his head; because Zeref _had been_ trying to manipulate him, and he had foolishly let his words affect him.

 _No wonder Jellal got possessed by this guy… he's slicker than a snake._

"You're obsessing."

"I know." And he was, but that was just a part of his personality. Once he got fixated on something, he couldn't let it go. Happy sighed, but then he flew over and snuggled against his shoulder with a light purr. Natsu smiled a little and scratched him behind his ears, right where he liked it. Happy felt worried over; that was something that made him feel guilty. He had caused him so much worry lately, adding to it made him feel like he was a burden to him. "Thanks, buddy."

"I'll tell Lushee if you're not careful though."

"Okay." …He'd make sure Happy didn't know how much he was watching Zeref then. And he wouldn't get hurt.

* * *

Macao was snoring; that was good and bad. It meant that he wouldn't have to knock him out and have a guilty conscious over it later, but it also meant that he wasn't paying attention to Zeref. He could break out of the room without much trouble.

 _…By turning the doorknob, apparently_ ; Natsu realized when the only thing he had to do to get into Zeref's room was to open the door. It wasn't even locked, let alone padlocked and bolted like he had half expected it would be.

The darkest mage that ever walked the earth didn't look very evil sleeping. He was eagle spread on his back, his stomach sticking out a little as he snored softly. Natsu snickered for a moment, but his levity didn't last.

He just didn't understand why. Why Zeref would tell him they were brothers; why Zeref had saved them…

Nothing made sense.

* * *

 _*peers around the corner* Um. Whoops? Junior year is really busy and I'm not even done with the Spring Semester?_ _Next update should be quicker. :)_


	5. CHAPTER V: Direction

_"No solution can ever be found by running in three different directions."_ \- Deepak Chopra

 **CHAPTER V: Direction**

 **"HI."**

Zeref nearly choked on the piece of bread that Mirajane – the demon mage – had given him. He'd stayed in Fairy Tail for a grand total of three days so far, and no one had come up to talk to him since. Not that he felt really sad over that—he was used to it, and it was better for him not to form attachments. Slowly, ever so slowly, he raised his eyes to meet the steady stare of the brown-eyed girl with blond hair—the Celestial mage, Natsu's friend. She had a white bandage wrapped around her neck still, but he figured that she was recovering since she was able to walk around already.

"Um..."

She smiled a little, her initial wary expression melting away a little into something a little more open. Friendly? Kind? He didn't know how to describe her face—it had been a very long time since he had been around people who weren't aristocrats trying to receive the most power.

"Don't worry. I don't bite. Well, until you break into my apartment, steal my food or destroy a building. Then you may get a Lucy Kick."

Lucy must be her name then. He didn't understand the list though, but he nodded as if he did. It was probably some Fairy Tail thing—Mavis had always been a bit crazy. (Not like him.) "Okay. I won't do any of that."

She groaned and sat down in the chair. "Ugh, don't say that. Now you probably will someday. Everyone has broken into my apartment just once, even if it's just to say they have."

That... was a whole new level of insanity. He knew there was a reason why he had been attracted to Mavis before her curse. She was just as insane as he was. Her guild proved it. The girl— _Lucy_ —smiled widely, like a sunbeam maybe? If the sun could be in a person, that is. "You get use to it eventually."

"I... will?"

"You will."

He considered asking her more about that, but decided against it before he really thought it through. He wouldn't be in Fairy Tail long enough to anyway; they would probably turn him into the council long before he could understand them. Heavens know that was what he would do if he was in their place.

"All right," she suddenly sounded like she was preparing for some battle, which brought his attention back to her. "I need to recharge the suppressant."

He automatically lifted the sleeve of his toga so that the small metal bracelet shone in the sunlight. Lucy pulled out a silver key— Wait, was she the Celestial Mage? Before he could ask, or react, she was chanting, "Gate of the southern cross, I open thee! Crux!"

Later, if someone asked him to describe what Lucy's magic looked like, he would describe it as light. A golden glow lit up around the key she brandished in the air, and he could hear a hum that sounded like bell chimes. The air stirred around him.

A silver cross appeared out of thin air, floating up and down as if it were a boat. Part of him wanted to take the clock apart to see if it had some type of machine that enabled it to fly; the other part yelled at that part for thinking about technology that was long gone in the past. But then he realized that this nice girl had _summoned_ the cross; that she was a Celestial Mage... and he had to physically control the urge to flinch away from her.

 _Slavery. Charisma. Danger._

"Hi Crux!"

"Hello, Lucy-sama!"

He was quite familiar with how fear sounded and looked like, and he could not hear it coming from Crux's voice. There was adoration in it, and an underlying fierce protectiveness that he couldn't quite understand. Oh, he understood protectiveness —he felt it toward Natsu, even now—and he certainly knew what adoration was thanks to Tartaros, but what he did not understand was why they were directed at this girl. She was, in essence, their master and they were her slaves; surely they would resent her for her cruelty?

"Are you willing to help me recharge Zeref's suppressants?"

She was... not demanding him to help? She didn't expect his help? He didn't understand, and there were few things he no longer understood. Celestial mages were cruel; they expected much and gave little.

"You don't even need to ask!"

Lucy stuck her tongue out at him. "Yes, I do."

Zeref's head spun a little. This was too much; he didn't...

"Why does he look so pale?" A deep female voice asked, and a half-naked woman sat down on Lucy's side, cradling a brown, barrel-like mug. He focused on her rather than Lucy, because it was easier to focus on half-naked women than girls who made him want to run away. Lucy looked away from Crux and frowned at him.

"I don't know Cana. Maybe he's had too much excitement in too little time after getting hurt saving me and Natsu..."

Zeref barked out a laugh. The irony left a sour taste on his tongue. "No, it's not that. I'm nearly fully recovered. You're just not who I was expecting."

Lucy tilted her head. "You were lying in a puddle of your own blood not five days again. How are you already almost fully recovered?" She touched the bandage around her neck, but then she smiled widely. "And I'm not who a lot of people think I should be."

"Still can't handle any booze..." the woman grumbled, tipping her head back and gulping down whatever she was drinking. Zeref had a feeling it was alcohol by the smell.

"I heal fast." He explained, not divulging more than that. Sometimes, he healed fast like when he was on a rampage; other times, when his curse wanted to torture him, he healed unbearably slow.

"Lucy-san?" Crux interrupted. Lucy suddenly turned serious and nodded.

"Right."

She leaned over suddenly, and he leaned away from her, but she ignored him, snatching the hand that hand the wristband on it. Immediately, he was powerless when the warmth that emitted through her skin surrounded his wrist, her fingers clutching it in a viselike grip before loosening up. Her palm was rough, with little holes in it but he couldn't think of the right word to describe it. It had been so long someone had touch him... at least a couple hundred years.

"Okay, see this?" She was playing with the wristband, until some little light was blinking up at him. Her finger (why on earth was it painted _purple?_ ) was pointed at the little dots; there were two of them blinking up at him. "This measures the magical power stored up in the bracelet. It looks like one dot is drained each day, but you should make sure to keep an eye on it just to make sure it's not going through faster. Levy-chan's and Freed's runes have the anti-curse particulars, but my magic is the one that activates them, so you should come to one of us if something happens. I'd rather we keep it over three bars, just in case the less magic there is in it, the more likely your curse will escape."

"You... know it's a curse?" he asked, frowning. It surprised him that they had realized it; because it behaved in a very magic-like way. She leaned away from him, letting go of his hand and plopping her hands on her waist.

"Of course." She declared, almost imperiously, as she lifted her chin up in the air. And then a sheepish smile appeared on her face. "Well, at first we didn't. First Master had to tell us."

 _First Master... Mavis. What is she doing, letting them keep me here? She, more than anyone, knows how dangerous I can be..._

"That's amazing." He murmured. "When I was little, magic wasn't advanced enough to create something like this. Well, it wasn't needed anyway..."

He looked away. A sudden chill settled deep inside of his bones, and he crossed his ankles to get rid of it. How many people were like him? How many despicable people like him where there out there, where someone had to create a magic suppressant?

Her hands suddenly took his again, and he gasped out of surprise. Her brown eyes were angry—actually, they were smoldering like they were about to catch on fire, and her smile had turned upside down. "Zeref. I'm not sure what to think about you. I don't believe you're evil, but you're certainly not a good person either. I don't believe you deserve to be thrown to the council, because they will take you in for testing of some sort, and they'll execute you once they've found out everything they can get. We will protect you. But if you dare to hurt one of my precious friends, I will track you down and kill you with my own bare hands."

He swallowed. His mouth had turned very dry. This woman with the smile like sunshine had more depths to her than he'd realize, and he could see a resolve like steel in her eyes. She wasn't that scared little girl she'd once been on Tenroejamah Island; this was someone who could be one of his greatest friends, or his worst enemy. Like Mavis.

He closed his fingers around her wrist. "I'm not going to hurt you, or Mavis' guild. At least, while I am sound in mind like I am now. I'm many things, but a liar is not one of them." He released her, and she rubbed her wrist.

"You have a tight grip." Her voice was flat. He rubbed the back of his head and winced.

"Sorry. I haven't touched another human in decades."

She sighed and leaned forward, taking his wrist again. "It doesn't matter. Ready Crux?"

"Yes, Miss."

Zeref watched as her eyes and hands seemed to glow with something that looked like starlight. The wristband beep three times, and she pulled away, wiping her forehead with her arm.

"Whew," she said. "That takes out quite a bit of energy. I might have to do it every day instead."

He stared at the wristband; it was clearly full, with five neon green lights instead of just two. He shuddered, and his eyes burned though he held the tears back. In a way, this was a form of relief from Akrasharum. His thoughts were no longer clouded, two separate sides of him at war with each other—they had a startling clarity to them he hadn't had in such a long time.

He looked up and smiled a little. The muscles in his face ached from the unfamiliar gesture. "Thank you."

She blinked, and then she smiled back widely. "Eh? Don't mention it." She turned to Crux. "Thanks for helping me, Crux!"

"It was my pleasure, Lucy-sama!" Crux bowed a little, before he dissolved into starlight. She smiled and stood, brushing her hands off against her dress.

"Well, I'm going to find Natsu. I haven't seen him in a day."

He shifted awkwardly in his seat while she walked away. That was probably his fault.

"You look guilty, Zeref." Cana spoke up, making him jump. He'd forgotten she was there. He turned around just in time to catch her chug down a mug of ale or something. Her brown eyes pierced his as she dropped the mug. "What's up with that?"

"Um..."

 _What am I supposed to say now?_

* * *

"Hey."

Natsu looked up, away from the river, and over his shoulder. Lucy was walking toward him, a basket slung over her shoulder as she shielded her eyes from the sun. He smiled a little and waved.

"Lucy."

She sat down next to him, took her shoes off and placed her feet in the river. Silently, he marveled yet again at the change in her—she stood taller, and her hair was so much longer.

"I brought lunch," she said, turning and pulling out a platter of dumplings out of her bag along with two bottles of water. He took the one he gave her, salivating when she began to unwrap the dumplings from their packaging. "They're chicken, since I didn't have any pork or shrimp in my fridge. Again. I want six of them; you can have the rest."

He hugged her, and she yelped. "You're the best Lushy!" He declared loudly, startling some of the birds. She wriggled her hands in the air, and he let go of her.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Let go of me, bear. Where's Happy?"

"With Charle and Wendy," he said as he bit into the first dumpling. It steamed in his mouth, and his eyes watered from the taste. So _good._ When did she get so good at cooking? The last time he had something of hers it had been burnt _spaghetti._ Was it even possible to burn spaghetti?

"Really?" She laughed a little as she bit into her dumpling. She hummed in the back of her throat in approval, closing her eyes. "Has she finally accepted his fish?"

He took his third dumpling and plopped it into his mouth. He chewed for a moment and spoke around it, "I think so, actually." He swallowed. "Wendy's babysitting Asuka, and she wanted someone to go with her in case there was trouble. Happy said he would before anybody had time to even offer to go with her."

"Hmm." She crossed her legs, facing him. He crossed his legs and faced her back, though he reached for another dumpling. Their hands brushed. "So, how come you haven't been at the guild all day?"

 _There it is._ He thought, looking away from her. Nothing could get pass her anymore, he noticed. She'd become much more observant—observant, and withdrawn from everybody. Sometimes it sucked, and sometimes it was awesome. The problem was that he didn't want to tell her why—didn't want to tell her he was just avoiding Zeref. _Coward,_ part of him hissed. _You're avoiding him for no reason. He's not your brother, after all... unless, you believe him, of course._

"Is it Zeref?"

He met her eyes, surprised at how quickly she guessed it. He nodded silently, and then he spoke up. "Luce..." But then the words died in the back of his throat. Bubbled and fizzled out. He huffed.

"What did he say to you?" Her words were confused, but there was something angry in them too. "Or did he do something?"

"No, he didn't do anything. I swear, Lucy." He added when she didn't look convinced. He struggled for a moment. He should tell her. She was his best friend, and she knew _everything_ about him. She wouldn't judge him. "It's just..."

It was so absurd though. To be his brother. Zeref's brother. That would make him over four hundred years old, or something. But no matter how much he tried to say that, he kept thinking about the sincerity in Zeref's eyes... why would he take a blow for someone he hated? Well, unless it was to get under the enemy's skin. If that was what he was trying to do, he was certainly succeeding.

"Natsu."

He exploded. "It's just so stupid though! I mean, I shouldn't let what he said bother me. It's probably a lie, after all! But he'd have to be a really good actor to fake that sincerity in his eyes. I mean, honestly. I'm an idiot for letting it get to me."

She blinked, and held her hands up in a "Time Out" gesture. "Whoa, hold on a moment. What did he tell you?"

For a moment, he considered flat out lying, or saying something like _haha just kidding,_ but he didn't want to damage their already rocky relationship further. That gap he'd created when he first left was finally closing, and he couldn't do anything to damage that. He flipped back into the grass, flinging his arms out.

"Zeref said he was my brother. Well, he said I was his brother. Younger brother."

"Oh. Well. That sounds like something out of some soap opera."

He snorted. Her and her references to stories. He sat up again, so he could see her face. "Tell me about it. I feel like I'm in some insanely obvious play."

She chuckled, before sobering. "First off, you're not an idiot. To be honest, if the evilest wizard in history told me I was their sister, I'd freak out too. That explains why you were yelling at him."

"I just _snapped_ ," he admitted ruefully. He didn't know what had come over him that day. It wasn't in his nature to feel so angry. But then, he seemed angry a lot of the time now. She nodded.

"Well, let's try to use logic."

He rolled his eyes. "Yay. Logic. I love logic."

She ignored his sarcasm. "It's pretty obvious you're a little upset over this— "

"A little?!"

"—which is to be expected, but you might be obsessing over it a little."

"I _am_ obsessing over it, Lucy."

"So, let's begin with the igniting point—"

"The _what?"_

"Natsu, shut _up._ I'm trying to explain something here." He mimicked zipping his lips up, and shivered when her glare hardened. He nodded quickly; no _way_ was he getting on her bad side again. "Okay. So, Zeref saved your life when he threw himself in front of you. Why?"

When she didn't answer his question, he frowned and thought over it for a moment. Why did Zeref save his life? The only reason he could think of was if he was trying to make them trust him, or out of real affection... but that was ridiculous. Zeref had tried to kill him. Multiple times.

 _Well, not really._ A tiny voice in the back of his head whispered.

 _Tenroe Island. Tartaros._

 _You were the one who attacked first, remember?_

 _...Oh._

"The only reasons I can think of are out of affection, or because he's trying to infiltrate Fairy Tail for First's body." Lucy said, taking a dumpling and biting into it. He copied her motions. "So, he could be telling the truth. Perhaps you are his brother, somehow. But that wouldn't make any sense, since you're like... eighteen?"

"Nineteen." He corrected.

"Right. Well, it obvious you're not, like, four-hundred years old." She muttered something under her breath, something about a crush but he couldn't quite make out what she was saying. Before he could ask, she continued, "So, he could be lying so that he could infiltrate the guild. But why would he tell you so early? I mean, it's obvious you don't trust him. And I don't think he's an entirely bad guy either."

Natsu was silent for a few moments, before he groaned. "Luce, I'll leave the logic stuff to you. It's making my head spin."

She smiled a little. "Sorry. I'll give you the short version: we don't know what the heck is up with Zeref. We don't know what his intentions are, and we don't know if he's telling the truth."

"So, we're back at square one."

"Basically."

"That's helpful." He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess this just means more watching?"

Lucy nodded. "Pretty much."

They both sighed. He took the last dumpling and bit into it, turning back to the river. She put the plate back in the basket, and then she scooted over so that their arms were brushing. The water rushed past her foot, dividing around it.

"Hey, Luce?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you always know when I need something to cheer me up?"

She looked at him. "I don't know. A feeling? But then, it feels like I barely know you anymore, sometimes..."

It was the same with her. Sometimes, he had a hard time gauging how he should act around her. Like now. For a moment, he wanted to apologize—for what, he didn't know, except that he thought that she might be angry at him. She'd been angrier, since the guild had reformed. But he didn't know how to apologize for something that he didn't cause and didn't know how to fix. So, he let the words go.

They kept watching the water, the silence thick between them.

* * *

Zeref knew when the drunk girl – Cana – appeared in the door frame of the room he slept in, something was going on. Her brown eyes were serious, which was a strange expression for her since she was usually acting like an idiot.

"Come with me." She said, gesturing with her bottle before she took a swig from it. He stood up, putting the book down Lucy's friend, Levy, had given him about fairy tales – what? It was _boring_ not doing anything and being able to think clearly. He was convinced that Natsu was somehow watching him, though he hadn't seen him since the disastrous day a week ago.

Cana's long hair swayed down her bare back as she walked ahead of him about ten steps, leading him through the maze of corridors of the Fairy Tail basement. The one time he had adventured out to get food, he'd ended up hopelessly lost until that guy who could speak in heads had saved him... and after an intense interrogation in which he had to state that he had _not_ been after Fairy Heart, they had released him into Mirajane's custody.

...She was quite scary, actually. Kindness practically radiated off of her, but there was something dangerous deep in her blue eyes that he didn't want to provoke.

"So, uh, is this something that you have to keep as a top secret, or are you allowed to tell me what you're doing?" He asked, clearing his throat. Apparently, his conversational hadn't improved in four hundred years – if anything, they had only worsened. She looked over her shoulder, and then shrugged.

"I'm not sure what Master Makarov wants with you, exactly. Just told me to get you and for Happy to get Lucy and the rest of Team Natsu."

 _How helpful._ He shoved that thought away. There was rarely a time or a place for sarcasm, and if he wanted these people to keep giving him curse suppressants, then he'd have to reign back his ever-increasing sarcastic streak.

He swallowed anyway. He was rather nervous, he could admit to himself. (By nervous, he meant that his hands were sweaty and he felt like his legs had turned into Jell-O.) If this was his "trial" of sorts, then they would be voting to either throw him out to the wolves' jaws (likely) or to take him under their wing (uncertain).

"Zeref," Cana's tone was flat. "We're not going to let the council take you in unfairly."

"I know," he admitted softly. "Though I think it's what I deserve for everything I've done..."

"It is." She said flatly.

"Thanks."

"But..." she continued on, stopping. He stopped too. "There's something wrong with the council. It's corrupt, I think... to turn you in to them would mean that you could be examined, tortured... abused... They'd probably study you, to figure out how to become immortal like you are."

"They're idiots." He muttered under his breath. "Any person who tries to gain immortality is foolish."

She looked up at him, her eyes confused. "Wait. Didn't you go looking for immortality though?"

He nearly laughed as he shook his head. "Of course not. I was a healer's apprentice; she drilled into my skull that I can't mess with the natural cycle of life... though I did do that anyway. When I delved into the Black arts to resurrect my brother, I was cursed with this unaging body. I never knew it would happen."

"You were a healer, like Wendy?" She sounded shocked. He shook his head.

"Only an apprentice. I never finished my training. Back then, magic wasn't nearly as developed so we relied much more on technology that was powered by something called electricity. The only magic I studied was kind of like a general magic, except it was in a much weaker form."

"Oh." She frowned slightly, almost as if she was trying to wrap her mind around the idea that the wickedest mage in history, the one that killed countless people, had once trained to be a physician. Sometimes, it was hard for him to wrap his mind around it himself; that that person and the one he was now were still of the same essence. He had been so different back then; so much happier, so full of hope. Now, he just wanted to die so that he wouldn't keep _hurting_ people, but the only way for him to die was for E.N.D. to kill him. He doubted Natsu was ready for E.N.D. to activate, if his reaction a week ago was any indication.

She opened the door and stepped aside. He frowned. "Aren't you coming in too?" He asked, but she shook her head.

"Nope. I know better than to get involved when Master Makarov summons Team Natsu. Good luck surviving." Her voice was nonchalant as she walked away, and he stared at her. She just walked away after saying something like that. Why would she do that? Was there some double meaning behind her words, or—

"Hello." He looked over his shoulder. The red head girl who wore armor was walking his way, eating a piece of cake – were there strawberries on it – though the guardedness in her eyes was quite clear to him. "We should go inside."

"Err, okay?" He wouldn't admit it out loud, but now he was nervous. He'd seen this girl take on the entire guild in a brawl yesterday, and she had great a temper if her yelling at that ice mage and Natsu was any indication. He _really_ didn't want to antagonize her. Her lips twitched.

"Don't worry. I won't let Natsu or Gray drag you into one of their brawls."

That... wasn't very comforting. At all. Why in the world would Natsu be in a brawl anyway?

Oh, wait. That was normal. Natsu fought a lot now. Right. He'd always been skilled in martial arts, but he had become more offensive during his time when he was the guild master of Tartaros.

So, (quite bravely in his professional opinion) he stepped through the threshold of Makarov's office... and had to jump out of the way when an fully formed crystal ice cut through the air. It impaled in the door, by the girl's head. Her cake slid off its plate and hit the floor with a thud.

The fire in Natsu's palm went out, and the ice that had been crystallizing in the black haired mage's hand – Gray? – melted and dripped against the ground. While Zeref was silently freaking out in his head about nearly being impaled, the rational side of his brain noted that their gazes were fixated on the red head, whose face was shadowed as she stared down at the slice of (destroyed) cake on the ground.

"E-Erza. We didn't mean to!" Natsu's voice cracked. Her gaze snapped up, and Zeref could swear it was practically burning holes with a lethal force.

He shuddered and inched away from her. It had been a while since he'd known someone with a glare like that— Layla's had been something to behold.

The woman suddenly charged, and Natsu and Gray screamed and ran away from each other, in opposite directions. The small blue haired girl who healed him was sitting at the table, slipping demurely at her cup, completely ignoring the chaos as papers flew everywhere, flashes of light filled the room as the curtains lit on fire and Gray's _really_ familiar ice magic iced the desk and door. He took one step forward and skidded across the room, waving his arms around in a cartwheel to keep him balance.

 _How did this happen?_ He wailed silently in his head as he managed to grab a hold of the iced down chair and sit on it. There. They should ignore him now.

"Don't worry," the girl said, looking away from her glass. She smiled at him. "Master Makarov should be here, or maybe Lucy-san soon. They'll stop then."

Erza roared something he couldn't quite decipher, and Gray and Natsu shrieked in unison. When he looked up, they were clutching each other like their lives depended on it while she stalked on them with her sword raised, as if she were a cat and they were mice.

 _Why didn't he join a nice, sane guild?_ He wondered silently. _I'm going to get a heart attack or stroke or even cardiac arrest._

"Will they even survive long enough?"

"I think so." She said, tapping her chin. She looked at him. "Oh! I'm sorry! I never told you my name. It's Wendy." She held her hand out, and for a moment he wasn't sure what to do with it—and then it dawned on him. Handshake. She wanted to shake his hand. Gingerly, like he could poison her (it could happen), he took it and shook.

"Nice meeting you, Wendy. I'm Zeref."

She smiled at him. She seemed to smile a lot, like Mavis. "I already knew that. Oh, wait... I mean, it's kind of hard not to know about you, Zeref-san. Wait. That came out the wrong way too... I'm sorry!"

He smiled a little, and then he realized he was smiling. It had been a long time since he'd smiled without thinking about it. A century, at least? Maybe two? "Don't worry. I know I don't have the... most favorable reputation."

She winced, but then her eyes turned shrewd—a look that was too old for someone as young a face as hers. "For someone who's supposedly the most evil wizard in history, you're not very mean."

He blinked. He had no idea how to respond to something like that. Most people weren't observant enough to see that in the first place, and he rarely spoke to people because of his curse.

"Wendy..." he murmured, and he frowned, because he didn't know how to put what he was thinking into words. "I'm not sure if you are able to understand this, but intentions and motivations are not black and white. Some people are bad, but they do good things; and then there are good people who do horrible, despicable things. It's not a question of right and wrong, or good and evil, it's more about a question of motives and choices. The choices you make boil down to whether you are good, or if you are evil; the truth of the matter simply is that no human being is born good or evil. We all have the potential to be a hypocrite, cowards, selfish and cruel, but we also have the potential to be just, courageous, kind and selfless."

When he looked at her, she looked like he'd just blown up a few brain cells. He smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry. My father was a philosopher, and he used to torture us by ranting about moral issues."

"A what?" Another girl said, and Lucy sat down on the final free chair. She was tying her hair up into a ponytail, holding the round... thingy in her mouth. She lifted her hand and took it out of her mouth, tying it to her hair. She met his eyes.

"Erm..." he rubbed the back of his neck. "A thinker." That was the closest description he could think of to describe his father. He'd been a strange man, whose only predictability was that he would be unpredictable.

"YOU BRATS DESTROYED MY OFFICE!"

The tiny man had a pair of lungs on him. Zeref swerved around just as Makarov stomped into the office. Erza dropped Natsu and Gray on the floor, a blank look of surprise on all three of their faces.

"They started it!" She pointed at them, and Zeref rolled his eyes. Pointing fingers when she had an equal part in the destruction? That was low. Not even he would have done that when he was still a child, and he'd been a tattletale on Natsu.

Makarov sighed and shook his head. "Forget it." He mumbled, and he sat down with a loud sigh. Natsu walked up and leaned on Lucy's chair, his gaze burning the back of Zeref's head. When he looked up though, Natsu glanced away. _Of course he would. He always did that when he was guilty over something._

"So, can you explain why Zeref is here, and why we're all here too, Master?" Lucy asked, her eyes curious and tone level, but Zeref remembered how she easily she threatened him- and he had no doubt she hadn't meant it.

Lucy had leaned back into the chain and had intertwined her fingers over her stomach. She was relaxed then. That was strange; normally, people always tensed around him, even if they didn't know who he was. Originally, he knew it was because of how sarcastic he'd once been when he was younger. Now, it was probably because they sensed the big bad wolf within him.

"Right." Makarov steepled his fingers together, leaning forward. Zeref copied it unconsciously. "Well, I have not decided Zeref's verdict, however... I believe he should go around with you. Tag along, that is what you call it nowadays, right?"

"What? But—"

Makarov leveled his gaze on Natsu, who went silent. "No protests, Natsu. My mind has been made up."

Natsu nodded silently and looked down. Zeref glanced away, closing his eyes. He knew why Natsu was protesting; he didn't like him, especially after he'd told him they were brothers. And why should he? He was the most evil mage in history.

"That is all. Natsu, stay a moment please."

Zeref stood and followed the red head out the door, but he stopped in the threshold and turned around. "Natsu?"

His younger brother stiffened, and without looking up at him, he said, "Yes?"

He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry." And then he left, because he couldn't face him.

 _Coward._

But that was what he was; it all boiled down to that. He'd been too scared to save Natsu in that fire; his legs had frozen, as if he had been a deer caught in headlights. And then he had been too scared to live without him, so he had resurrected him and cursed himself with eternal life. And now he was too scared to face him again.

 _Idiot._

* * *

Natsu wasn't quite sure what to think when Zeref left, leaving him sitting there with Jii-chan. He'd just left without explaining anything to him, and how was he supposed to respond to that? He wasn't even sure what he was sorry for.

 _Other than being my brother. Except that's a lie. Maybe he's sorry for lying about being my brother?_

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, flattening it for a moment before it popped back up like a porcupine again. There were so many things he didn't understand about that man. Part of him felt guilty for treating him like he had the plague, but he just... couldn't do it. Those black eyes might trick him into believing him.

Then again, maybe they already had.

"You're troubled, Natsu." Jii-chan said, his gray eyes soft and warm, welcoming. They told him to lay down his secrets, to confide in him. To trust him. And Natsu did. So he told him.

"I am... I just... I don't know what to do anything, Jii-chan. I thought I knew who I am... Natsu Dragneel, son of the Fire Dragon Igneel, a member of Fairy Tail. But after what he said that night... I don't know. I just... it doesn't make sense anymore."

"What did he tell you?"

He leaned forward and buried his head behind his arms. "That I'm his brother." He whispered, and with that, he felt like an invisible weight had dropped off his shoulders. He suddenly could breathe easier, as he'd just been liberated. And suddenly, it just couldn't stop. The words slid off his tongue, like water over oil. "I don't understand it. I mean, he's barking mad. I shouldn't believe him. He's a twisted man who is probably trying to get me to trust him for some reason. But... I can't stop thinking about it. What if his name is Zeref Dragneel? What if we really are brothers? But that's crazy. He's over four hundred years old, and I'm not even twenty years old. Have _I_ gone mad?" He blinked when he realized his eyes were stinging, and he wiped his hands across them. Jii-chan was staring at him with a sad expression, as if he pitied him and Natsu _hated_ that. Because he wasn't someone to be pitied.

"You haven't gone mad, Natsu." That was less reassuring than he'd thought it would be. Jii-chan stared at him, his old eyes wise and tired all at once. "I don't think Zeref is lying to you, Natsu—he believes himself, at least. You have to realize that there are things out there you can't explain, things that should be impossible, are, in fact, quite possible. A man is neither truly evil or truly good; there are a million shades of grade in between. He's not a bad person; he's just made some horrible mistakes, and there is still humanity left inside of him, now that he's in a sound mind. That's why I haven't handed him over to the council yet."

Natsu blinked, once, twice, three times, and then he sighed. "I still can't believe we're brothers." And he couldn't, though he couldn't convince himself that Zeref was lying either. And that was the heart of the matter; he couldn't believe Zeref, but he couldn't believe he was lying either. Because to believe Zeref would mean that he would have living family, who had the same blood running through his veins as he did. To admit that... it scared him, but it also gave him hope too. And that scared him. Because if Zeref was lying, and he was wrong, then he really would be the last person left. Because yes, Erza and Popsicle and Lucy an Happy and Juvia and Levy and Wendy and Metal Stick and all the others were family, but to have a _brother..._ to having a sibling, related to him by blood and birth... someone who would be his friend for life...

"That is something you're going to have to learn on your own, Natsu. I can't tell you what is right or wrong in this matter; only you can determine that."

He sank lower into his chair and groaned softly. The problem with that was that he didn't trust himself todistinquish between truths and falsities.

* * *

 _Yeah, I've decided just to post these without editing them at this point - I've accepted that if I edit this, I'll never complete it. Updates will be every Saturday until chapter 12 (which is the final chapter)._


	6. CHAPTER VI: Validation

_"It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense." - Mark Twain_

 **CHAPTER VI: Validation**

* * *

 **OBVIOUSLY,** the first thing Team Natsu did the next day was to drag him along on one of their missions to a village called Honeysuckle. Zeref realized then that he'd just been put into an insane group of mages who were a force to reckon with.

Wendy and Natsu had motion sickness.

His brother was on the ground, clutching his stomach as if that could protect him, his face tinted green as he gagged each them the train jerked. Wendy wasn't in any better shape, though she had managed to stay on the chair. Gray, the ice mage, was staring at Natsu with a revolted expression on his face, his feet up on the chair while the water mage (his girlfriend?) was cuddling up to him with a content expression on her face.

"Err... is this normal?" he asked, a little afraid to, if he was honest with himself. Lucy had a long suffering look on her face as she nodded, putting her book down. Some romance story, if the cover was anything to go by.

"Unfortunately, yes." She knelt down next to Natsu and rubbed his back. "Let's get some fresh air Natsu. Come on, Happy." She added to the snickering blue cat, who sobered and nodded. Zeref still couldn't get over the fact that Natsu had a flying, blue, talking cat. When they had been little, he'd hated cats—and none of them talked, or were blue, or could fly. Natsu groaned but he flopped up and began crawling toward the door, until Lucy took pity on him and helped him stand up. Wendy followed after them, leaning against the white haired cat-girl.

Leaving him alone with at least two less friendly mages and creepy water mage. He eyed Erza, who was sharpening her sword with a loud _shishing_ sound that was entirely too ominous for comfort. The only ways to get out of the cart what through the window, where the trees were flying past so quick that they blurred, and the clear, sliding glass door of the exit.

Neither option where very useful in case he had to leave. Maybe he could somehow take her sword and cut a hole through the roof? Casually, he stood up and begin to walk toward the door—maybe he should evacuate until Lucy came back, or Wendy. They were the only two people who would probably protect him if they went homicidal on him—

"Sit. Down."

He sat down at the commanding tone in Erza's voice, shivering. There was danger. Mayday. It was mayday. He had to escape, before she decided to—

Her sword went under his nose, and Zeref went very, very still. He wanted to die, of course, but he didn't want to be in pain. Besides, being stabbed wouldn't kill him, unfortunately.

"What are your intentions?"

Gray and the water mage had stood up too, and the girl's eyes were hard. Zeref suddenly realized that she wasn't an idiot; in fact, he really didn't want to make an enemy out of her.

He swallowed hard, and the red head moved her sword away, though it was still pointed at his chest. He watched it out of the corner of his eye, but looked into her eyes, and then at Gray's and the girl's. He saw a story there, in them—a story of sadness, anger, fear, hope and strength. He wondered what had caused such a story in their depths.

He licked his lips. "While I am in a sound mind, my intentions are to not hurt you. If anything, I wish to protect you and somehow repay Mavis for her kindness to me years ago—" because killing her certainly hadn't repaid it "—and if it is possible, to try to atone for a fraction of the deeds I have done wrong."

She looked at him, and then she snorted. "You remind me of someone I know." She closed her eyes and pulled her sword back, sliding it into the sheathe on her hip. Gray looked at her, and she nodded. Both of them relaxed. Her eyes were steady as she gazed at him, no anger or blame in her eyes – just resolution. "I do not trust you, Zeref. I don't think I ever will. But for now, I will protect you – whether it is from the council or from the other guilds, or even the king himself."

He _swallowed_ and nodded, relieved that he finally had done something right. "I will do my best to make you not regret trusting me."

Erza's expression lightened and she smiled sadly. "I hope I don't, Zeref."

* * *

As soon as they stepped off the train in the port city, Natsu and Wendy leapt up and did some sort of tribal dance, circling around each other, kicking their arms and legs out. Zeref rubbed his just to make sure he wasn't dreaming, but it was still happening.

"Err, are they always like this?" he wondered out loud. Lucy sighed and nodded.

"It's best to just let them get it out of their systems. None of the dragon slayers are good with transportation."

Happy snickered into his paw, his eyes lighting up with mischief. The female cat (who had turned back into her cat form) smacked the back of his head, clearly pronouncing, "No."

Zeref wondered what was up with that. Was she a mind reader or something?

"Come," Erza said, striding through the streets. The other two stopped dancing, their faces sobering though Natsu looked at him. He probably thought he was being subtle with it. "We have to get to the mayor's office before it closes. It's three o'clock now."

The water mage – Iubia? Jubia? Julia? – nodded, her expression turning serious. "Are we going to stay in an inn for the night?"

"Yes; we're not going to start until tomorrow. It's too late anyway."

Her eyes sparkled and she launched herself on Gray's arm, who only raised an eyebrow at her in response. "Juvia has to sleep next to Gray-sama for a night!"

"Ack! Juvia!" His cheeks turned red and he gently removed his arm, only for her to seize him around his waist. Zeref bit his lip to keep himself from smiling.

"Let's keep walking," Erza said, her tone fond and exasperated all at once.

* * *

The mayor was a short, wry man with thinning gray hair and chubby cheeks that accompanied his smile. Zeref stood with the boys and Lucy, while the girls (Wendy, Erza and Juvia) sat in the chairs provided by him.

"Take some candy," he said with his wide smile and twinkling eyes. Zeref leaned over Erza's shoulder and peered into the bowl—lemon pops and white rabbits. He didn't like either one of those. With a disappointed sigh, he shifted his weight back onto his heels. Erza put her hand in the bowel and took out a huge handful of sweets, unraveling a white rabbit without blinking an eye, as if that was perfectly normal behavior for a human being.

"Mr. Augustine, can you tell us more about these bandits?" Lucy asked, since Erza looked close to comatose due to her small pile of sweets. Juvia took a white rabbit out of the bowel and unwrapped it.

"Of course." He said, his tone close to offended if that was possible. "Let's see... their motive is money. They've been terrorizing our shops and restaurants mostly, with their magic."

"Hmm." Gray frowned. "It sounds like a fairly simple mission. What kind of magic do they use?"

"Some type of gun magic, I think. They're always switching guns."

"Requip magic," Juvia said out loud.

* * *

Zeref yawned as he sat up and stretched. Neither Gray or Natsu were awake, which was funny because Natsu was drooling while Gray had sprawled eagle spread on the floor. He smiled at them a little then he glanced out the window. The sun was just brushing over the edge of the treetops in the forest, setting the world aglow.

His smile widened. There were many things he hated about this world, but the sunrise was never one of them. It symbolized the beginning of a new day; another day to learn about the way the universe had been created when he was young, then another day to research into resurrecting Natsu, and finally another day where he drew closer to meeting with him again. He was rarely happy, if ever, but the sunrise always made him feel... light.

Natsu groaned softly – nothing new there, he'd always gotten up a little later than Zeref – and sat up, blinking in the light of the morning sun. The cat curled closer around his leg, mumbling something about fish.

"You're awake this early?" he asked softly, sounding surprised, but not hostile. Zeref wasn't sure if that was because he was still sleepy, so his brain couldn't catch up with what he was thinking or if there was a deeper meaning behind that. Perhaps he was finally willing to listen to him...? No. He wouldn't bring it up again. He'd told him the truth, and now he just needed to wait for him to come to him. If there was one thing he was good at, patience was one of them.

So he nodded. "Yes," he replied, mindful to keep his voice down so that they wouldn't wake up Gray. "Morning has always made me feel peaceful."

Natsu blinked, and then he crawled out from underneath the blankets and sheets. He grabbed his scarf, wrapping it around his neck, and joined him by the window. His body wasn't tensed, but it was alert – so, he wasn't completely comfortable around him. At least he wasn't trying to kill him anymore; he wanted him to kill him, but he wasn't strong enough yet.

"Funny. I've always liked getting up early and not doing anything for a while. Luce likes waking up at the last second though. That's one of the many things I don't understand about the Weirdo." His smile turned fond, and Zeref wondered how he knew that. Perhaps his earlier assumption was wrong and they _were,_ in fact... wasn't the term _together_ or something like that?

"Some people are just that way for some reason," he said easily. "We're not all supposed to act in the same way. That's what makes humans so amazing."

Natsu frowned. "I thought you hate people?"

He shook his head. "I'm insane, Natsu. Completely, utterly bonkers. Half of the time, I don't even know what I'm saying." He taped his chin and tilted his head to the side. "It's almost like I have an alter-ego, I think."

"Or an evil twin."

Zeref paused for a moment, and saw the surprise he felt reflected at him. Both of them dissolved into soft snickers at the same time, and his stomach hurt. He hadn't done something even remotely close to a laugh in centuries – even as a child, he'd been rather withdrawn and serious.

"Did Happy draw on my face again?" Gray asked, sounding disgruntled as he joined them in his shirtless glory. He yawned widely, probably popping his jaw with it.

"Nope. You're face is as ugly as ever."

Gray scowled. "Do you want to have a go, Salamander?"

"Please, children." He said with a sigh, shoving them apart. "It's too early in the morning for this. Go argue in the girl's room."

Therewas a few beats of silence, and then a shudder ripped through all three of them at the same time. "Never mind," he said. After all,Erza was scary and he didn't want to get on her bad side.

* * *

It was dark out, he noticed. Stormclouds were brewing in the distance, but he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. After all, anything could happen. That was what they all said when stuff happened. And bad weather was an omen of bad things to come, right?

"Shoot, it's going to rain." Lucy said, her eyes narrowing a little. Zeref looked at her; she'd appeared next to Natsu and her eyes were narrowed. He knew she was realizing something, though he couldn't be sure of what. "This isn't good."

"Why not?" Wendy asked curiously.

"I really hate getting wet."

Natsu laughed softly. "You're as bad as Happy."

"Hey!" Happy squawked. "It's hard to get dry again after getting wet."

"He's right." The white cat said, looking pained. "It's a pain to get dry again after getting wet. Annoying too.

"We should keep going anyway though." Erza interrupted. "I want to find out more about these mages and we can't just do that standing here, after all."

Gray sighed. "I was hoping that this would be an easy job," he admitted. "It looks like it may not be though."

Juvia touched his elbow. "We should split up." She said, looking thoughtful. "Wendy-san, want to come with us?"

Zeref had the suspicious feeling that she just wanted to look like a family, and since Wendy was the youngest out of all of them, they could pass it off. But he didn't say anything out loud - it wasn't his business anyway, even though it was amusing.

They slipped away, and he watched as Natsu yawned and stretched, looking suspiciously relaxed for some reason he couldn't figure out. "Right." He said happily. "Let's do this. Luce, coming with me?"

Lucy began to nod when Erza suddenly grabbed her arm with an impish smile. "Nope, she's coming with me. Bye Natsu!"

"AAAAAHHH!" Lucy shrieked as she was dragged away from them, and Zeref felt sympathy stir in his chest for her. That woman was a witch, he was pretty sure. She was terrifying in ways he could scarcely imagine, and that made him want to stay away from her as much as possible.

Natsu glared at her, then he glanced up at him. Zeref rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly nervous. There was no blame in his eyes, he noticed, but there wasn't acceptance either. And he knew that was his fault. Because he'd pushed him too far and told him too quickly.

"Let's go." He said softly, his eyes darkened as if he was confused by something. He wasn't sure what it was though, it could have been anything - he barely understood what was going through his brother's mind half of the time he knew him, so this was something he couldn't say. He'd just have to watch him and see if he can figure out what he was talking about.

"Okay," he said, and silently Natsu left, so silently he followed.

* * *

The first thing he noticed that wasn't right was the way the land was laid out. There was something about it that didn't look right, that didn't look normal, and it confused him to no end. But he stayed silent, because he was sure Natsu noticed it too.

"This is odd," Natsu said quietly, his hand scratching the back of his head. "I almost feel like I know this area... deja-vu?"

Zeref closed his eyes, resisting the urge to respond. They had been here once when they were young, he remembered - a field trip, their teacher had told them, to see no places. But it no longer looked like the open fields of amber grain he remembered; just a sprawling city.

These were the times where he was disgusted with humans. It wasn't that he didn't believe that they shouldn't evolve and use their surroundings, but to just... destroy nature like this, it made him sad. Because the earth was the only thing left that was older than he was, and it was just fading away. It was so frustrating at times, but it wasn't like he could do anything about it anymore. He was just one man, and people would realize who he was even if he tried - they feared him, because of the things he did when he wasn't in his right mind.

It wasn't often that he'd been in his right mind, actually. It was so nice to be in it now though, so liberating. He felt so free.

CRASH!

Zeref spun around just in time to see Natsu smile sheepishly at him. "What-?" he began, his tone taking an angry tinge because he'd been _scared_. What if it had been something someone had takened and had tried to hurt Natsu, or worst-

And then it died in the back of his throat when he saw the man who was flying.

He didn't pause - he'd seen machines like those too, he remembered. They'd been used by the military to kill people, and those were bad. He leapt toward Natsu, tackling him to the ground, just as something seared into the ground, burning it. He gasped and rolled to the side, ignoring Natsu's shocked cry.

Nobody was going to hurt his baby brother.

Natsu stood up as well, his eyes flickering between him and the man with something close to a frown on his face. He held his hand up and looked at him too, lighting it up. There was a strange expression on his face, as if he wasn't quite sure how to deal with him in that moment.

"You okay?" he asked. More like gasped really. His side hurt, and he was pretty sure that laser had hit it. But Natsu nodded, and that made it worth it. He breathed a sigh of relief and looked at the thing again. "I don't know who that guy is," he said softly, "But he shouldn't be able to use that. It was around when we- err, I was born."

Natsu glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, but he didn't say anything, so Zeref wondered if he had missed his slip-up. He probably hadn't, but for some reason he wasn't reacting to it - and that made him confused. Because why would he not react to it, when he had reacted so horribly to the realization that they were brothers?

"YAAAAARRRRGH!"

Zeref neatly stepped out of the way, his hands still in his pockets as the man charged at him, waving his batoon around wildly. So, he obviously had no idea how to use it properly - why would the fool wear that thing then? If not used properly, if the person didn't know how to use it and was an idiot, then it could blow up on him... unless... that was the point.

"You know, you're going to have to try a lot harder to catch me off guard." He said casually, leaning to the side when the man swung it again. The thin pole sailed effortlessly across his shoulder, and he raised an eyebrow. "Do you even know how to use that?"

The man's lips peeled back into a wide, creepy smile - like a serial killer clown. "I don't need to know how to use it. I just need to kill this town."

 _Okay. That's enough._

He leapt forward, swinging his leg around in a roundhouse kick neatly. The man ducked down - huh, must know _something_ after all then - and leapt up again, swinging his legs out. He jumped back, dropping to the ground.

"Natsu!" He called out. "A little help over here?"

"I'm busy!"

He glanced over his shoulder. Natsu was, indeed, fighting some...thing off. It looked like some kind of giant rat-mole thing, with it's long neck and piggish nose and short legs.

 _What the-_

The serial killer clown suddenly leapt at him again, screaming like a banshee. Zeref grabbed his arm and twisted it, making him cartwheel over his shoulder. He jumped on top of him, making his knee dig into his chest and his elbow into his shoulder. He glared, which made the man cower into the ground a little. He'd always had a scary glare, they'd told him - but he really was a criminal who'd killed people before, and he knew how to glare hard enough to inspire fear into ever demons and Acnologia.

"Who is your master?" he demanded, speaking clearly and distinctively. Because this lunatic couldn't get that pack without outside help, he knew - not without someone with high connections.

The serial killer clown smirked. "Why, Emperor Spriggan, of course."

He blinked. _Emperor... Spriggan? But... I've never told them to target this town. That's impossible. Unless I don't remember it._ Except that he usually did remember things like that.

Suddenly, his fingers were blistering hot and he leapt off of that man. He was... getting fatter? No. That wasn't right. He was getting bigger, like he was a balloon being blown up...

His eyes widened and he scrambled back. That was impossible. A human detonator... no sane human would do that.

"Zeref!" Natsu shouted suddenly, and the pinkette was running at him. Zeref could only stare as he flung his arms out, as if he was shielding him with his own body. The flames exploded, rushing at them and Zeref realized that Natsu was in the direct path of the fire-

"NATSU!" he screamed, panic flooding through him, making his mind go blank because on in the _world_ could he save his baby brother from something like that? It was happening all over again, the night he died-

The flames suddenly stopped for a split second, and then there was a slurping, sucking sound. And then they moved toward Natsu, in funnels of fire, until they disappeared all at once.

Zeref stared, and tried to understand what just happened.

Natsu turned around, his stare concerned. "Hey, you okay Zeref?"

He blinked. Fire. Fire demon. Fire dragon slayer. Natsu could eat fire. He'd completely forgotten about that.

"Zeref?"

He suddenly flung himself at Natsu, wrapping his arms around him and holding him to his chest. His heart was still beating erratically, but he ignored that along with the tension that formed in his brother's body. His eyes were stinging, but that was probably just from the dry air. That day flashed through his head again, the day everything had disappeared and... and he was just so scared he'd lose him again. He could deal with being hated and scorned, because at least than meant Natsu was alive, and in the end, that was all he wanted. For him to be alive and happy.

"Z-Zeref?"

"Don't do that again, okay?" he said softly, his heart still pounding in his chest and still trying to figure out how that just happened, because he knew it had. "I can't lose you again."

Natsu relaxed, sighing softly. "Zeref..." he murmured. "I'm not your brother, remember?"

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Natsu, shut up. Just promise me this."

Slowly, he nodded. "You won't." He said softly. "I promise."

The groans of the men filled the clearing, and Zeref stepped away from Natsu, who looked uncomfortable. "I guess we have to get these lunatics in ropes." He scowled at them. "I hope the others didn't have this much trouble."

"Even if they did, they'll be able to handle them easily." Natsu said confidentially, waving his hand. The blue cat suddenly popped up again, and Zeref wondered where it had gone. "Right, Happs. We need you to get the law enforcement, okay?"

Happy nodded. "Aye, sir!"

Natsu smiled and rubbed the cat's head, and Zeref closed his eyes and looked away, wondering how on earth he could become like that with Natsu. Natsu must have read his thoughts somehow, because he looked at him with a small frown and said, "Zeref?"

"Yes?"

The man groaned again, more loudly, and Zeref looked at him suspiciously. He couldn't let them wake up again. That would be awful. He didn't want to risk that again. Then he looked back at Natsu, who was staring at the tree line.

"...Never mind. I'll ask you later."

* * *

Natsu was confused. In fact, he was more than confused, he was frustrated and annoyed and angry.

And the source of that was... Zeref.

He rolled over onto his side and stared at his sleeping face. It was oddly peaceful, for someone who seemed to be as haunted as he was. He almost didn't wake him up, but... he needed answers, and if he tried to wait until the morning, he might explode.

"Zeref? Hey, you awake?" He asked softly, shaking Zeref's shoulder. He didn't want to wake up Popsicle because he really didn't want him to overhear them talking, and he _knew_ Gray was sleeping because he was legitly snoring loudly. In his ear. Like a ninja. Zeref groaned loudly.

"I am now?" His voice was groggy. Natsu rolled his eyes, but he sat up and shook his shoulder.

"Wake up, now."

Zeref opened one of his eyes. "Can't it wait until morning?" He asked, a pleading look on his face. Natsu shook his head. It couldn't wait until morning. He had to know, he had to know now. There was no stopping him anymore. Zeref sat up too, the blanket pooling down into his lap, his dark eyes - they were brown, he noticed now that he was close to him, a dark brown color, not black - gleaming in the moonlight, probably because he was slowly becoming more alert. "Is everything okay?"

Natsu shook his head. "No."

Zeref's body stiffened, and then his voice was less tired and more awake - "Can I help?"

He nodded, but then he realized that Zeref didn't have his superior dragon senses so he spoke out loud the question that had been on his mind. "Why do you keep protecting me?" His voice was hoarse, he realized. So hoarse, and scared, and shaky, but he couldn't stop now. "I don't understand why you keep throwing yourself in front of me like some kind of human shield. I mean. You're not evil, I get that, but you're just... being selfless. You keep protecting me, as I if I need protection."

Zeref sighed. "I've already told you this, silly. I'm your older brother. It is my duty to protect you."

Natsu blinked a few times. The words had a ring of truth to them, but he still... to accept that they were siblings, that would be a huge leap of logic and he wasn't sure he was ready to accept it. Because he was still Natsu Dragneel, the son of the Fire Dragon, Igneel. He was a member of the lightest guild in Fiore. If he admitted they were brothers, where would that put him?

"I..." He bit his lip and wrung his fingers together. "I still don't understand how we can be brothers. I mean, you're ancient. And I'm not. I'm just Natsu Dragneel; a fire dragon slayer, the son of Igneel and a member of Fairy Tail. And you're... well, you're Zeref, the evilest man in history, who created demons and Tartaros."

"That wasn't me," he muttered. "That was you."

He blinked. "Pardon?"

"Err..." Zeref said, sounding a little sheepish, and Natsu frowned. He propped himself up higher, frowning at him.

"Zeref?" He said slowly and clearly. "What do you mean, I did something? I never created a guild, and I wasn't even alive when Tartaros was created. Right?"

Zeref muttered something, sounding like he'd just said, "Looks like the cat is out of the bag." And Natsu didn't know what he meant by that, because now he was getting a little upset - what did he mean by that? Why was he talking about this? "Natsu, hear me out before you do anything, okay?" His tone was pleading, and Natsu wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but he nodded anyway.

"Okay."

"My little brother died nearly four hundred years ago. His name was Natsu Dragneel and he'd been studying to become a Fire mage. He'd burned to death."

Natsu shuddered at the thought of his own element killing him. He was glad he didn't remember that - wait, what? No. He wasn't believing Zeref. Or was he?

"I'm not sure how to explain this to you really... I remember being confused, and angry, and scared... and sad. I began researching into the darker side of healing magic; ways to resurrect the dead, to heal mortal wounds. My teacher realized what I was doing, so she stopped teaching me magic though she never stopped taking care of me. She warned me of the darker side of it, but I never listened to her. I wish I had, in a way... but at the same time, I'm glad I didn't because you're here now.

"I wasn't exactly a prodigy like how people called us. I studied a lot, and I read a lot, but magic did have a tendency to come more naturally to me rather than something like physics - which I don't think are being used much anymore, unless it's to understand magic. I researched into it. That thing. I was determined to bring you back to life; I would give up anything to bring you back, my arm, leg, kidney, heart, soul - anything. And I found a way to bring you back, but little was known about it.

"Ankhseram."

"I began to delve more deeply into that, becoming more and more withdrawn as time went by. I think I scared people with the dedication I had to bring you back, because eventually nobody talked to me and the only reason why I was able to keep on going was because Teacher Ming forced me to eat and drink and sleep. She knew what I was researching into at this point, I think, but she stopped warning me. I'm not sure if she gave up, or if I just tuned her out.

"I made a deal with him. In return for my mind, I could bring back anyone I thought with the resurrection sector. I didn't realize what that would entail - I thought he meant only my knowledge of magic. I didn't expect he would turn me into... a raving lunatic.

"I resurrected you."

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused, but there was a heavy feeling in his chest - and he had a bad feeling about where this was going. "What are you talking about?"

Zeref closed his eyes. "You are my strongest demon, Natsu. I created you."

"...What?" he asked softly because wasn't sure what he was talking about. He didn't know. He couldn't connect the dots like Lucy could, or Levy or Erza.

"You are END."

He shook his head, because, no, that couldn't be possible. "That's not possible." He breathed... but memories half remembered began to jump into the front of his head, reminding him. He could remember all the times someone had called him a demon, or the time he had pretended he was a demon. He didn't know how, but there was something in the way he said it... and END was supposed to be a fire demon. But that wasn't possible. Because. He wasn't a demon.

"I... I can't..."

He looked down at his hands, which had suddenly become very sweaty and gross. It was hard for him to imagine being a demon, evil in everything. His hands looked normal. He felt sick.

"Natsu?"

He shook his head wildly, his throat closing up on him. He couldn't believe it. He just- he didn't- he wasn't even sure how this could happen. Why would he... he couldn't...

His breathing began picking up and his body was trembling, he was sure of that.

"If I'm END," he breathed, "then that means..."

 _I'm evil. I'm a horrible person. I'm a DEMON._

"Natsu," Zeref's hands encircle his cold palms, warm and soofting. "You're END, yes, but you're also still Natsu Dragneel. END won't take over your mind. You've always had the same personality - that was why you created Tartaros. You wanted a family, someone to share laughter and tears with."

His breath was uneven and everything was spinning. His ears were ringing. "If I'm END, I'm a demon." He whispered.

"And if you're a demon, then you're a human."

"Huh?"

Zeref smiled wryly. "There's a reason why Tartarus was so strong, but still looked like normal humans. They were. Just stronger. You're not a REAL demon, not really - if anything, _I'm_ the demon between the two of us."

"But... END's reputation. I'd have done horrible things..."

Zeref's arms suddenly wrap around him in a hug, which made Natsu stiffen for a moment.

"Natsu, you still are able to change things - you did those things to protect Tartarus, and half of those rumors aren't even true anyway. You never killed people - in fact, you adored to watch them and I'm not going to let you blame yourself for something you didn't do."

Natsu breathed heavily. "But... I don't want to be evil."

Zeref laughed softly, bitterly. "You don't have to be evil. You just have to kill me."

That's when he believed him, for some reason that he just couldn't comprehend. It was tentative, but he did believe him. And it was the strangest thing in the world, because he hadn't had a family related to him by blood before - he'd always thought he'd been raised by Igneel, even though he knew that he wasn't his real dad. He didn't mind that though.

He wrapped his arms around Zeref and closed his eyes, "Stop it Zeref." He whispered tiredly, because he had to stop this. He hated it when people were sad like this, because it made him sad. "Please... just stop."

Because he wasn't going to kill his brother, no matter how much he didn't like the fact. He just wasn't. He was his brother and he was going to damn well protect him too, and he wasn't going to kill him. The idiot.

Zeref's arms tighten around him, and Natsu wondered if he was doing the right thing. He hoped he was, because he could scarcely believe the fact that they were related, let alone being brothers.

"Sorry." He whispered. Natsu squeezed his eyes shut and pretended that the burning in them was just the cold air.

He knew better though, deep down.


	7. CHAPTER VII: Conversation

_"The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard." ― William Hazlitt_

 **CHAPTER VII: Conversation**

* * *

 **"SO,** how _did_ you become the most evil mage ever?"

Zeref glanced over at Natsu, who was staring at the night sky determinedly. He looked back up at the stars, wondering how he was going to explain just how sad he had been without making Natsu feel guilty or responsible.

But... he had been the root of it. Natsu had been the one who had set his choices into motion, though it certainly was never his fault. No. The blame rested solely on Zeref. Natsu's death had just been the igniting incident; the trigger – he'd always had the possibility to go down that path.

"Would you believe me if I told you it was because I wanted to die?" He asked. Natsu snorted.

"I can, actually."

Zeref smiled a little—he'd been smiling so much more lately, oddly enough— and pillowed his arm underneath his head.

"Okay, fine. You have a point there." He sighed, sobering. "I made a _lot_ of mistakes, Natsu, so many that I've lost count of them. Horrible, despicable mistakes..."

"Zeref."

He met Natsu's eyes, locking their gazes together. "No, Natsu. I'm serious. I know I'm not bad, or good, but I've done so many horrible things, that the shame practically suffocates me each and every day. I don't want you to ever try to do anything remotely similar to what I've done, because... I don't want you to live like I do."

Natsu blinked, and then he smiled softly. "Zeref, I'm a fire mage, remember? I can't mess with life or death magic or any of that." _You'd be surprised,_ he thought though he didn't say it out loud. Every mage had the capacity to access those magics through the One Magic. "But if I could, I wouldn't. Part of being human is making mistakes, we're not perfect after all, but we can also learn from them."

He snorted. "I guess that makes you more human than I am."

Natsu rolled his eyes and sat up, crossing his legs Indian style. "Okay. We _really_ need to work on your self-image issues sometime." He said. "Seriously. It's terrible, bro."

 _Bro?_ He wondered, then decided to just go with it. "I can't really help it though." He admitted. "It's as much a part of me as your love to fight is."

Natsu frowned slightly. "Okay, fine. We're just going to have to teach you how to reign it back."

Zeref rolled his eyes. "Okay, back on track with the original question. So, the reason I went completely insane is..." _It's not because of you, but your death set me down that road._ "because I made some poor choices. The worst was making a deal with Ankhseram to..." He trailed off, realizing that this would only make him feel guilty. Natsu's eyes softened slightly and he stared at him.

"To bring me back to life, wasn't it?" He dropped his gaze and played with the edges of his coat. Zeref noticed they were becoming frayed. "Yeah, about that... I kinda owe you an apology, don't I?"

Zeref frowned. "No, you don't. You weren't the one-" _who told me to bring you back to life,_ was what he wanted to say. But Natsu's stare made the denial die in the back of his throat, fizzling out and fading from the tip of his tongue.

There was something in his stare that was older, something incredibly similar to the look his younger brother would wear at times when they were both children. Many people had called Zeref the genius, but to be honest, Zeref had always thought Natsu was smarter than he was. There were other things more important than books and cleverness after all, and Natsu had grasped that so much easier and quicker than he had. Like friendship and being loyal - besides, Natsu certainly was never dumb. He'd picked up fire magic like a fly to honey.

"Yes, I do." He rebutted. "I was an ass to you trying to protect my little bubble of reality, and I wouldn't even listen to you, let alone contemplate the idea that you're my... you're my brother. That I'm your brother. That we're brothers." He shook his head, as if he still couldn't completely believe it. "I know it was unfair of me to just- do that to you when all you'd ever done was to try to make me see you a little clearer, and I'm sorry."

Zeref closed his eyes against the sting of tears in his eyes and clenched his jaw. He had been sad, but... "Stupid."

"What?"

"Do you think I'm not at fault too? I told you we were brothers when you didn't know me - still don't know me really. I don't know why you believe me even now, though I am grateful. You're my brother, and brothers stay together."

Natsu blinked, and then he smiled a little. "Okay. So, we're both at fault here."

He rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Fine." Because he knew that Natsu was stubborn - had always been stubborn, the most stubborn of the two of them. Because while he hadn't been able to connect well with anyone really, he had always, always fiercely loved his little brother and had never been able to argue with him.

Well, unless it was for the last biscuit. Then it was an all-out war.

"Okay, so, continue." Natsu waved his hand as if he was swatting at a fly. Zeref rolled his eyes. He'd always been a bit like that, though he had always denied it. His brother was a bit of a show off.

"Right. Err.. Choices. I became crazy because of the choices I made. But I was grief stricken too... first when you died, and then again when Mavis..." he shut his mouth immediately. He hadn't intended to mention her - it was hard not to though. Natsu was older now, a lot older than the nine-year-old he remembered, and he knew that he would understand things like this more easily. Natsu's eyes softened and he leaned forward.

"She died too, didn't she? You loved her."

He swallowed hard, and then he sighed and nodded. "I loved her, a lot." So much. She'd given him kindness, shown him kindness, and to him... nothing would ever compare to that. He'd been so lonely, and then she had come into his life like a ray of sunlight with her smiles and her illusionary magic, allowing him to touch an animal again. She'd given him so much, even though they hadn't known each other for long. "Too much."

"I think she loved you, too." Natsu said quietly, hugging his knees to his chest. "A lot, really. I don't say much, but I've seen the way she looks at you sometimes. It's kind of sad."

Zeref squeezed his eyes shut again. More than sad, really. He'd destroyed her life, and that was unforgivable.

Suddenly, Natsu's arms wrapped around him, and he gasped out of shock, because... he was hugging him. His brother was hugging him. And he thought he would never... He went rigid.

"Sorry..." he began to pull away, and then Zeref gasped - _nonononononononononononoo, he couldn't_ \- and grabbed the back of Natsu's shirt. Tears burned his eyes and his shoulders trembled. He didn't... he didn't want to cry anymore. He was so sick and tired of crying.

"It's okay." Natsu said eventually, his hand gently tapping the back of his head and flitting away just as rapidly, muscles tense but not exactly pushing away, as if he didn't know what to do in this kind of situation. "I'm here now. I'm not going to let you go. We're going to figure out a way to free you of your curse. I'm not going to let you live like this anymore..."

That was when the first of the tears finally slipped from underneath his eyelids, and a half-choked sob wracked his body. Because the last time something like this had happened... he couldn't even remember it. He'd never had comfort from someone else before - well, other than their teacher, and her's hadn't been nearly as nice. It felt like their roles had been reversed somehow, and he was the younger brother being comforted by his older brother.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for exactly - there were so many things he had screwed up in his long life, and it could be anything.

Natsu's arms tightened around him, and while he didn't say "it's okay" out loud, his silent gesture told him that he knew. That while it wasn't okay, they'd figure it out together, like they always had.

After all, they were brothers, and that was what brothers did.

* * *

"Favorite color?"

"Red. Yours?"

"Blue."

"What, seriously?"

Zeref's lips twitched at the incredulous look in Natsu's eyes as he took a sip of Mirajane's smoothie, easily ignoring the hustle and bustle of the Guildhall. "What? You thought I just liked black?" He crossed his arms and fake pouted. "I like colors—specifically, bright, happy... neon... ones."

Natsu snorted. "I hate neon colors—they always burn my eyes. Erza went through this phase..."

He laughed, holding his hand up to stop him. "I don't want to know anymore!"

"Okay, okay. So. Food?"

"Err... I'm not sure." He tapped his chin. "Anything sweet, I guess? Especially if it has chocolate in it."

Natsu blinked. "You're not as obsessed as Erza is, right?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, of course not. She takes obsession to a whole new level."

Mirajane giggled lightly, taking his plate out of his hand and giving him a... chocolate milkshake. He blinked, and then he looked at her in awe. "Don't let her hear you say that—she likes to pretend that it's normal."

He nodded dumbly. "Uh..." He sniffed at it, half wondering if it was poisoned, and hesitantly sipped at the milkshake. Immediately, he melted a little internally. "Thank you!" Mirajane smiled at his slightly closed eyes and gave Natsu his own shake- something with jalapenos in it. Zeref shuddered as Natsu gulped down about a quarter of it without even flinching, wondering how he was able to do that. But then, even when they were kids, he'd had a fondness for anything really spicy.

"Okay, so..." he paused then frowned. "I have no more questions I can ask."

"This is a stupid game." Natsu muttered. Zeref rolled his eyes.

"You were the one who started it- because you were _bored_ of all things!"

"Hey, Natsu!" Lucy came up to them, a smile like sunshine on her face and towing Happy along behind her. Natsu turned around, a brighter grin on his face as he sat up a little straighter. Zeref tilted his head. "I'm going grocery shopping and Happy wants fish- "

"A _trunk full_ of fish."

Natsu frowned at him. "Why a trunk full?"

"Because Lushee lost a bet."

Natsu laughed, his eyes sparkling as he turned to meet her. _Interesting._.. "Seriously? You lost a bet? The girl who always robs me of any money I have whenever we play poker?"

Lucy rolled her eyes, running her fingers through her ponytail. "It's a long story." Her eyes darted to Zeref's face, before focusing back on Natsu. _Must have been about me._ "Come on, you have to help me. I'm _never_ going to be able to carry everything back with me, especially since you two eat out my fridge."

"Huh?" He asked, interested peaked. Lucy rolled her eyes, sending them an exasperated look.

"I suppose you haven't heard yet... apparently, it's some kind of _tradition_ for everyone to break into my apartment. _Especially_ these two." She walked forward and tugged Natsu by his ear, pulling him away amid his protests. Zeref chuckled and sipped his milkshake again.

So, they _were_ in a relationship after all... or were they?

"Cute, aren't they?" Mirajane said, leaning against the counter with those innocent blue eyes of hers. He didn't trust those eyes though - they were a lot more deceiving than most people thought they could be, and he had the feeling that she at least had suspicions that he and Natsu were related. "I wish they'd just get together already."

"What? They aren't?"

Mirajane groaned, throwing her arms up in the air. "I've tried every matchmaking technique known to the history of mankind. Love potions, spells, awkward situations, nudging them together, setting up dates... none. of. them. work!"

Zeref blinked. "Well, have you considered just letting it happen?"

Mirajane looked at him like he had suddenly grown two heads. "What?"

"I mean, he's totally... into her. That's the right term, right?" He shook his head, giving up. "Isn't it more fun just to watch them flounder around and be adorable and cute together and all that?" He smiled devilishly at the thought of Natsu trying to ask her out, cackling softly to himself. Mirajane had a thoughtful look on her face, which turned into a smile worthy of the Grinch.

"Oh. I never thought of it like that before..."

"-You two are scary when you're not trying to kill each other." Gray said casually, sitting in the seat Natsu had vacated. "What are you plotting?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Mirajane's voice had a tone of glee in it that made Zeref a little worried for his own brother. A little.

The imp had teased him over his crushes, when they were younger, for years. This was payback.

* * *

It was breezy out today, the edge of falling finally setting in and making the air nippy. The leaves of the great oak trees had started to turn from green to red and brown and yellow, though it was a sunny day out today. Zeref breathed in the cool air deeply, and exhaled, watching his breath fog up in the air. He'd never admit it out loud, but he loved Autumn. He loved the smell of the spices and the crisp air and the colors of the leaves. Out of the four seasons, it was his favorite.

A lot of things he had once pushed away had started to worm his way into his heart, as the months drifted by and he gradually stopped fearing that the bracelet would somehow break and his curse would come back in full force. He wasn't okay, far from it, but... he felt better. Plus, there was Natsu there, and Lucy and Mirajane. He'd never really gotten close to Erza or Gray though - though he understood why.

The Tower of Heaven and Deloriah... two mistakes of a madman. Of course he understood how they'd never feel comfortable around him. Sometimes, he had nightmares that woke him up in the middle of the night, and wouldn't let him go back to sleep.

He spun around, thinking he saw a flash of laughter, but then he realized that it was just his imagination again. He sighed and looked back up at the sky, placing his hands into the pockets of the trench coat Gray had loaned him. Something about the togas being out of style.

"I know you're here, Mavis..." he whispered, and the wind gushed, blowing his hair over to one side before dying down again. He smiled. "I can't hear or see you, but the others can, can't they? I've seen them talking to you..."

No response, but he was expecting that. He closed his eyes.

"It's amazing really. I don't feel... I feel so sane now. My thoughts are so clear and unclouded, and I'm not confused over anything at all. It's..." A lump in his throat foamed, and he swallowed and tried to clear his throat. "I never expected something like this to happen... I never expected my relationship with Natsu to come back, even if it's just a little."

It was nothing like what it had been - nothing close to it, but... it was so much more improvement than he'd expected; Natsu to hate him. This was... it wasn't exactly that Natsu was uncomfortable with him, but he never had that childlike trust in his eyes directed at him. Or anyone, really. After months of watching him, Zeref had realized that there was a slight edge in his eyes, something that told him that he trusted people, but he not with his heart. There was something... jaded in his eyes that hadn't been there before, even when they met at Tartaros.

He blinked a couple of moments and smiled softly again. "It's so strange," he admitted with a little laugh. "I don't know why, but it's almost surreal..."

He closed his eyes. "There's so much for me to be grateful for, but I'm still a little scared, honestly... I'm still that person you knew years ago... still not complete, not whole."

"Zeref!"

He spun around. The book girl, the Iron Dragon Slayer's girlfriend, was running over to him. She looked at the spot over his shoulder with a strange expression on it, before meeting his eyes again. She looked serious.

"We have a problem."

Words like that were never good.


	8. CHAPTER VIII: Salvation

_"The salvation of this human world lies nowhere else than in the human heart, in the human power to reflect, in human meekness and human responsibility." - Vaclav Havel_

 **CHAPTER VIII: Salvation**

* * *

 **THE** guild was in an uproar. Zeref stared as several of the members ran around between the chairs, screaming something about the Magic Council. A couple of chairs were thrown into the air and a can of molasses was thrown at his head. Zeref leapt to the side and stared as it splattered against the door.

"What...?" He asked out loud, and glanced at Levy. She shrugged and walked off, joining the metal dragon slayer who was _obviously_ her boyfriend. He looked around and saw Natsu by a counter, drinking something. He skirted the outskirts of the chaos and joined him, plucking it out of his hand.

"Oi!" He took a gulp from it and then promptly spat it out when it scalded his tongue and throat, spluttering. Natsu laughed as Zeref's eyes watered.

"That _thing_ is like a million degrees or something!"

Natsu snatched the cup out of Zeref's hand and took a gulp of the drink. Zeref gaped at him in disbelief. "That's what you get for taking my food."

"Y-you—" His fingers twitched by his side with the urge to wrap around his neck. He'd forgotten just how _infuriating_ he could be at times. "How can you _drink_ that without scalding your throat?"

"I'm a fire dragon slayer, remember?"

"Nope. Nope. Still not an answer. It is impossible for people to be able to drink something that hot."

Natsu shrugged. "I just like my food really, really hot?"

Zeref groaned. He still didn't understand how that was even possible.

"Stop!" Makarov roared, and the guild stilled and went silent. Zeref went silent as well, wondering yet again why the guild was in such an uproar. He was pretty sure he hadn't done anything himself – he'd been as good as a puppy was. Which, wasn't very good actually... "Jellal, explain. In detail." He pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he was exhausted. Or just done with the entire guild in general.

There were footsteps coming from the back of the guild, and Zeref's head turned. Whispers broke out as a figure – a man, probably – cloaked in blue garments walked out from the shadows. Lisanna and Elfman, Mirajane's siblings, stepped out of his way and the person spoke a soft, "Thank you."

Male.

The man, Jellal, knocked the hood off his face in the dramatic fashion that Fairy Tail seemed to possess. His eyes were pitch black, contrasting sharply against the red tattoo that wound around his eyes and his pale skin. Their eyes locked for a heartbeat and Jellal's eyes widened for a moment, before they slid over to Natsu. His brother shook his head, and Zeref looked at him in confusion.

"Err, right." Jellal said, shaking his head as if to clear it. "Some of you may be aware that I've been working to infiltrate the new council—"

"Again?" Someone muttered, and Jellal smiled at where the voice came from. It was an older member—the one who chain-smoked.

"With good intentions and on Makarov's orders, Wakaba. Don't worry." And then his expression darkened and he turned his gaze back toward Makarov—wait, no. He was looking at Erza. She was sitting next to Makarov on the countertop, her expression serious but with something else in it as well. Worry? Admiration? _Is he_ her _boyfriend?_

"The chairman of the new council has issued an order to search every guild for unmarked members... on the claim that one of them is hiding Zeref."

Short, blunt, and to the point. Several heads spun and several gazes fell on him, and Zeref carefully studied the grain in the wood floors of the countertop. A part of him considered dropping a pin on the ground and seeing the reaction of the guild. The rest of him wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole. He'd never done well with having a lot of attention fixed on him.

"That's crazy," Gray said eventually, breaking the silence. Several heads swung around to stare at him in near perfect sync. "I mean, how could the council know that someone is hiding Zeref? Nobody here would have tipped them off, and the only outside contact we've had is with Sabertooth, but they wouldn't have said anything either."

"And that's a fundamental right they're violating, aren't they?" Lucy spoke up, and several heads swung to look at her. She was sitting by Natsu's shoulder, her legs swinging and gently hitting the countertop. Zeref wondered when she got there. "I've never heard of any council just declaring a widespread search on the guilds without proof that something is up. And we've been pretty careful about _not_ telling anyone that we've been sheltering this dork."

"Well, we did go to Honeysuckle." Zeref reminded her. And then he realized that he probably shouldn't have said that – after all, he was _innocent_ in all of this. Perhaps he should have just gone back to sleep?

"But we didn't tell anyone who you were." Erza pointed out, and the heads turned. A sudden feeling washed over Zeref as he realized that the guild looked like they were watching a particularly interesting round of ping-pong.

"I have a question," Jellal spoke up again, and the heads turned again. "Why _is_ Zeref here anyway? I mean, I expected a dark guild to be harboring him. You were the last guild I was expecting. No offense, Makarov."

"None taken. We were actually watching Zeref ourselves for a while, since he saved Natsu and Lucy's lives a couple of months back."

Jellal frowned. "So, you're acting as the jury?"

Makarov shrugged. "I'll explain it to you later, Jellal."

Jellal nodded slowly, his eyes darting back to him. "When I heard the toadies whispering about it two days ago, I came here immediately. Now I'm wishing I left Meredy in Crocus so that I would have been able to warn you yesterday. They said they were going to send out troops on Thursday—tomorrow." He said slowly, but there was a hint of regret in his tone. There was a stir in the crowd and Zeref grimaced.

"No, don't blame yourself, Jellal. We wouldn't have any warning without you. Thank you."

Jellal smiled at Makarov and flipped the hood up, covering his face in shadows again. "I'd love to stay and help you, but I don't think you want to explain _both_ of our presences here."

"Of course not."

The guild began to murmur, and Zeref glared at the ground. This was all his fault again. He'd slipped somehow and someone had figured out his identity and went to the council. He'd brought the fury of the governors of magic on Fairy Tail, and they were paying the price for their kindness.

"Jellal!" Erza called, and Zeref looked up. The man turned around, but he couldn't read his face. "Be careful." He nodded, and then he opened the door and stepped into the cool air. Zeref chewed into his bottom lip, crossing his arms as the guild erupted into protests and confusion.

He knew this was his fault. If he hadn't come here... but no. He had saved Natsu's life. Or had he really? After all, Natsu was the strongest person he knew, and the smartest (even if he constantly questioned that). He'd probably would have figured out a way to save both of them without his interference.

Natsu waved his hand in front of his face, and he looked up at him reluctantly. His dark green eyes were studying him, and he wondered if he could somehow read his soul. "This isn't your fault."

"But—"

"He's right." Erza spoke up, and he jumped a little. The red head's brown eyes were as guarded as always. "This would have happened eventually anyway."

He shook his head. "I still feel as if I'm responsible for this somehow. If I'd been more careful, or if I hadn't even met you all..." A fist collided with his shoulder, and he yelped and clutched it. He glared at Natsu, who was glaring right back at him in a way that reminded him of the element that he wielded. "What was _that_ for? That hurt!"

" _That_ was for being an idiot. Again!" Natsu threw his hands up in the air and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "Do you really think that we'd be better off without knowing you?" _Do you really think that_ I _would be better off without knowing you?_ That was what Natsu's glare told him, and he recognized the hurt hidden behind the fire. He dropped his gaze and slumped his shoulders.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Natsu."

"Though he does have a point." Gray remarked rather coldly. Zeref met his steady stare. "We wouldn't be in this position if we had just given him to the magic council."

Natsu made an angry hissing noise. "Over my dead body! The council wouldn't give him a fair trial! Jellal's been working for over eight years to ease his conscious and he's done more good than any other person I know and the council are _still_ hunting him down. For something that wasn't even his fault!"

Zeref was surprised by the fierceness in his tone, and so were the others too, apparently, if the deer-caught-in-headlights looks were anything to go by.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten what he's done." Gray snapped. "He's responsible for _Tartaros._ The guild that sent us Hell in a handbasket, remember? His demons destroyed my village, my family—one of his projects enslaved Erza for God only knows how long— _our dads_ were killed by his _creations—_ He plunged the world into a period of fear that we're _just_ getting out of and now you're just... God, he's not just some _lost puppy!_ He has a bunch of nutcases that want nothing more than to eradicate mankind—"

"Stop!" Natsu growled, and the air jumped up a few degrees. "You don't need to _remind_ me what he's done. _I know._ But he... he doesn't deserve to just... die. He's not entirely bad."

Gray scoffed. "He's gotten under your skin, hasn't he?"

"No. I, unlike you, am not blind!"

The air dropped several degrees and the ground iced over. Zeref wanted nothing more than to slink away from the two nuclear bombs that were about to explode, but he steeled his resolve.

"No, Natsu. He's right. I'm not a saint." He touched Natsu's shoulder. Then he looked at Gray, who looked a little baffled, as if he wasn't sure what to do now that Zeref had just backed up his statement. He narrowed his eyes a little, but not out of anger. He was beginning to understand the ice mage now, why he was so closed off toward him. "The demons you faced in Tartaros were not my original creations—they were the work of my first one. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry for what happened to your village and your father, Gray."

Gray's eyes narrowed. "Your original creation... END?" He hesitated for a moment at the rigid tension in Natsu's muscles, before he nodded. Gray swore under his breath, before he said, "What about everything else you've done? You've hurt Erza; the dragons are all gone because of you— _Jellal was possessed when he was a kid for your voodoo magic!_ You can't possibly apologize for all of that, or do enough good in the world that'll right every wrong you've done."

"Stop it!" Erza and Natsu snapped at the same time. "Don't bring the dragons into this!" / "Jellal was just as much as fault as Zeref is!"

And then fire, ice and steel clashed. Zeref gaped as the entire guild iced over in an instant. The inferno of fire roared around him in a terrifying control of perfect precision that was neither demonic nor draconic. There was a loud crash and Zeref caught a glimpse of Natsu and Gray and Erza throwing punches at each other, the boys covered in scales while she was equipped in some type of armor—

Lucy suddenly stalked forward. Her brown eyes were like icicles as gold light surrounded her. When it dispersed, her hair was pulled back in two pigtails and she was dressed in a green and blue skirt with a swimsuit top. There was a tattoo etched on her skin—the symbol of the mermaid, if he remembered correctly.

"Would all of you just _stop bickering_ already?" She snarled, standing in the middle of it fearlessly. Her eyes flashed between her partners, and the fire and ice stopped abruptly. "This isn't the guild I remembering joining. That guild gave people second chances despite whatever past they came from. That guild was thick as thieves and would protect each other with their own teeth and nails if they had to. But..." She shook her head, and there were tears clinging to her eyes. "I don't remember Fairy Tail making me _hurt_ so much. I don't remember when my team started to... to... to not _work as a team_ anymore!" She crumpled to the ground and held her hand against her mouth, but a sob burst through. Zeref's heartstrings tugged and he took a step closer to her. "You guys are throwing things at him that he had no control over—he was possessed _just as Jellal_ was. You don't see _me_ blaming him for _Aquarius' key being broken!"_ Her voice rose to a shriek and she slammed her fists against the ground, to emphasize her point. Their startled expressions would have been funny if she wasn't in such turmoil.

And... Zeref couldn't take it anymore.

Out of all the people he knew, she was one of the most kind. He had had doubts and reservations about her because of his magic, but to see her so full of sadness... that made him angry. And his fury was not a gentle fury.

He walked over to her and fell to his knees, and wrapped his arms around her. She gasped for a moment, and then she clutched the back of his shirt and sobbed against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her back in return.

"Lucy..." Gray whispered, taking a step closer to her and he glared at him. He'd always had an intimidating glare, but he was sure that the one on his face was more than intimidating if the way he paused was normal. Natsu stepped closer to him, but he shook his head at him, and Natsu stopped.

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder, and he nearly jumped out of his skin as Wendy knelt next to him. Her eyes were beseeching, asking... and he nodded slightly.

Wendy was the least prejudiced out of all of them.

She placed her fingers on Lucy's shoulders, who looked up and then flung her arms around her broad shoulders. Zeref closed his eyes. _This is all my fault._

"Lucy..." Gray whispered, looking just as lost as Erza. Natsu only looked sad, and Zeref realized that he must have known about this all along.

"What?" Someone said, and he turned his face in their direction. The metal dragon slayer was looking at a spot that was conspicuously empty, and it took him a moment to realize that Mavis might be standing there, invisible. "A member of Fairy Tail?"

There was a long pause, and Zeref looked at Natsu for help, but his brother was staring at the spot where Mavis was (apparently) standing with wide eyes. No help from there then. He waited in silence as the guild seemed to listen to whatever she had to say, and he noticed that they kept looking at him. Almost like... they were judging him. Or trying to figure him out.

 _Good luck with that,_ he thought. _I can't figure_ myself _out most of the time._

"Well, it would solve our issue..." Makarov said, tapping his chin. Zeref looked at him. "If he's a member of Fairy Tail, he would be under the sacred laws of protection that the first king created."

 _Member... what?_ He was so confused, and apparently so was everyone else. Where they talking about _him?_ Why? Hadn't he done enough? Makarov hopped down from his place on the bar and stood in front of Zeref. With the way he was kneeling on the floor, they were at eye level.

"First has offered a solution." Makarov said, tone wry. Zeref stared at him in confusion, wishing for a moment that he was a mind reader so that he could figure out what was going through his head. "You can become a Fairy Tail mage."

He blinked. Once, twice, thrice. "I'm sorry, but did you just say that _I_ can become a _Fairy Tail_ mage?" He repeated, just to make sure he hadn't misheard somehow. Makarov nodded. He shook his head minutely. "I... I..." His tongue was dry and it wasn't working right. He pinched himself just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "Makarov, I'm _Zeref._ "

"I'm aware of that."

"Have you lost your _mind_?" He demanded frantically, ignoring the way the guild muttered something and Natsu snorted. Makarov raised an eyebrow. "I'm the _last_ person you'd want in your guild. I haven't used magic in years, I've killed Mavis— I've murdered _children_ in _cold_ _blood_ —"

"—and you've saved Natsu and Lucy's lives." Makarov interrupted before he could spill more of the atrocities he'd committed. "I know you want the world to think you're a monster Zeref, but there is still a shard of humanity somewhere deep down that prompted you to save them. Lucy's right—we're Fairy Tail mages, and we've lost sight of the reason that we're Fairy Tail. We protect people who have no other salvation. Isn't that right?"

The guild glanced at each for a second, and then there was a firm "Yes!" that rang through the hall.

He was struck speechless. Emotions, once forgotten, bombarded him all at once like a tidal wave—surging forward over the shore, destroying everything in its wake. Hope, that fragile emotion that kept flickering in and out suddenly surged up like a bonfire just catching. Fear, that he was going to wake up... fear that if he wasn't dreaming, then something bad could happen to Fairy Tail. Guilt and shame, for all the things he'd done wrong—he didn't _deserve_ their kindness, their mercy. He didn't _deserve_ their protection. And happiness—no, not happiness. Happiness was fleeting and shallow. This, _this_ was sheer, deep _joy_ that left his eyes stinging.

It was overwhelming.

"I... I need a minute." He managed to force out, and he stumbled onto his feet. He managed a shaky smile at Lucy before he turned on his heel and fled toward the front door.

As soon as he entered the fresh air, he gulped it down through his lungs and hugged himself. His thoughts were clouding over as the only coherent thought that went through his head was _Oh, my God, Oh, My God, Oh my—_

"Zeref?" Natsu's voice interrupted his semi-breakdown, calming him down a bit. He felt raw and vulnerable though; more than he ever had before in his life. A feverishly hot hand touched his shoulder briefly before Natsu pivoted in front of him, green eyes concerned. "You know, I'm sure there's another way around the council, if this idea of joining the guild is freaking you out so much."

He was shaking his head before Natsu had even finished speaking. "No, it's not that. I just... I'm overwhelmed right now. I've alternated between building up ice walls around my heart or being alienated by humanity for what I am. The last time I felt like this... with Mavis. I just... it's hard for me to explain." He pressed his right hand against his forehead, taking a deep, shuddering breath to steady himself. It didn't really work.

"I think I can understand..." Natsu said softly, and he opened his eye to stare at him in surprise. He was looking away from him, at something only he could see—it was an expression that was very familiar to Zeref, but it took him by surprise. The Natsu who had grown up as his younger brother had worn that look often, and Zeref had always thought he looked like he was gazing into the future. This Natsu, the one who had grown up as a dragon's only child in a guild of fairies, was far more outspoken and bold. He wasn't a thinker—he was a doer.

But then, before you could act, you had to think.

"People like me and Lucy and Juvia love with all our heart and we don't even try to cut ourselves off from our emotions, even if they hurt us a lot. For people like you and Gray and Gajeel though, you put barricades around your hearts so that emotions _can't_ hurt you. But eventually those walls begin to crack, and then it's only a matter of time after that until a wave slams against the wall and breaks it down, and it leaves you vulnerable."

That... was a very accurate way of describing how he felt, actually. It was almost eerie how the person who was his brother but not entirely his brother could say something that was so _close_ to what he would have said when they were children. Natsu was studying him again, and Zeref let him see. After all, there was nothing left for him to hide behind anymore.

"I... I still don't know. I mean... It's one thing taking someone like Gajeel or Jellal under your wing, it's another thing entirely to take _me._ "

Natsu's lips lifted up in something like a smile. "That's a little conceited."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious. I really _am_ the most dangerous man alive, even though we keep dancing around it. The only reason why I'm able to talk to you like this, without having my Evil Twin take control is because of this thing on my wrist—" he waved his bracelet around to emphasize that point. "—and if that is to fail, then that _bloody_ curse will rear its ugly head back up again. You probably won't even realize it either—I've had times when it's taken over completely and I seem like a sane man until I just... kill. I _infiltrated a top security council_ and _that's_ how I managed to massacre all those people."

Natsu was staring at him with an unreadable expression, and Zeref closed his eyes and looked away. He crossed his arms over his chest, clutching his biceps.

"I _can't_ let myself hurt Mavis again..."

The wind blew harder then, nearly bowling him over. He shivered, wishing that he had one of those heavy coats he used to wear when he was a kid. His homeland had been a strange country where it could be blazing hot in one area, and then ten miles up on a mountain it was snowing.

"I think you'd hurt Mavis more by running away." Natsu's voice was soft, and Zeref blinked open his eyes. He looked sad, and older than he really was, but that seemed like the mood for them today. "I thought that if I left for a year to get stronger, I would be protecting Lucy... but in reality, I was only running away. And I think that hurt her a lot more than I know. You have to do what you have to do, but I don't want you to make the same mistake as I did."

Zeref stared at Natsu's back as he walked toward the door and disappeared into the guild, closing the door behind him with a firm _click._ He'd always known there was more to his brother than what he could see with his eyes, but the depths and complexities always surprised him each time he said something to show them.

His teacher had once said that Zeref was harder to understand, but Natsu was more complex. Zeref had always agreed. He was the older brother and he knew that he had to protect Natsu, but Natsu had no obligations to stick with him. He'd asked one time why he had, and his response had been "We're family." It was simple, but sometimes the people with the simplest reasons were the most complex.

 _You know, you have been running away for such a long time,_ a voice that sounded like his friend Ambraxos whispered gently in his head. _Isn't it time to stop running in fear and to start living?_

As he stared at the clear deep blue sky, Zeref made his decision.

* * *

"Have you made your decision?" Makarov asked as Zeref entered the hall silently, which wasn't as loud as it usually was but at least everyone wasn't staring at him. Zeref rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at Natsu and Lucy out of the corner of his eye. They were talking about something, but they both spared a moment to wave at him before going back to their conversation. He wrung his hands together.

"Mavis is _completely_ okay with this, right?"

Makarov looked at a spot next to him, and then his gaze locked with his again. "She rolled her eyes and said that she wouldn't have suggested it if she wasn't."

Zeref bit his lip and then he nodded hesitantly. "Okay." He said, his voice sounding fragile even to his own ears. Makarov's eyes softened as if he knew _exactly_ what was going on with his heart. He breathed in deeply and nodded. "I... want to become a Fairy Tail mage if you'll have me, Master Makarov."

The words came out rawer than he thought he would, and he realized that it had been something he'd been aching to do for a while. To join this guild—though that ache had grown when he'd found out that Natsu, his baby brother, was a Fairy Tail mage.

"Of course."

He shuddered. This was... it was redemption of a kind, something that maybe, just maybe, he could do a little good. He'd thought it had been out of reach for so long, but now that it was so close to him, he could almost touch it. It was scary, but it was also something else... something that he knew could bring him to his knees. It was bittersweet, something born out of necessity, but also something that he hadn't realized he so desperately longed for, even if, at the same time, it galled him to think that this was another sort of prison to contain his madness. After all, they couldn't let him go.

"What color do you want and where do you want it?" Mirajane's voice was sweet and gentle, and he looked at her. She was holding a stamp in her right hand, and her eyes gleamed as if she was excited for this moment. Natsu was standing next to her as well, his green eyes sparkling in a way that he hadn't seen in a long time.

 _What color?_ He thought. He nearly said black out of instinct, before he bit his tongue. _This is a new start... you can choose whatever color you want._ Black with associated with death, with darkness, with grief... and he didn't want that anymore. He wanted to be happy again, he wanted to be cured of this curse... He wanted to walk into the light of this saving grace that this guild had offered.

"White." He said, the word slipping off his tongue as if it had been there all along, just waiting to be released and heard. "And on here, please," he said, rolling the sleeves of his toga up to his shoulders.

Natsu's eyes widened slightly as his fingers danced across his own emblem, and Zeref smiled at him softly before he closed his eyes. There were... well, there were butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, and his hands were sweating slightly.

Mirajane pushed his sleeve up and pressed the stamp against his skin. There was a moment of discomfort as it seared into his skin in a white-hot flash. And then it was done.

He didn't open his eyes, scared that if he did, he would wake up on Tenroe Island and this would only be a wonderful, _wonderful_ dream. And that would be the worst thing that happened to him—he was so close... his emotions were overwhelming and warm and _real_ in a way that they hadn't been in over four hundred years and that was both scary and beautiful.

Two cool, slender fingers brushed against his cheekbones and he stopped breathing. He knew that touch... how could he forget it? She'd been the one light in his life during those years when he'd been torn between hating and loving Natsu... He'd loved her too much, too deep, and she'd paid the price.

"Zeref?"

His name slipped through her lips like water, and a lump rose in his throat. Guilt and fear swirled in him and he choked on it a little. His fingers clenched into a fist, but they trembled with the urge to raise and to touch one of her slender hands. _Please be real, please be real, please don't hate me, I'm sorry—_

"Zeref, look at me, please." Mavis' voice was gentle as the summer breeze and melodious in his ears and he _so_ wanted to obey her command but he was so _scared._ Her forehead was pressed against his, and he keenly felt the way her coolness clashed with the warmth that ebbed from his skin. "I'm really here, Zeref. This isn't a dream."

How could he not obey her command?

Slowly, ever so slowly, he opened his eyes. And there she was, shining as if she was a star who had fallen down from heaven. The kindness that had first drawn him in radiated from her light green eyes, dragging him down and drowning him all over in their depths. Her blond hair fell over her shoulders in gentle waves like an angel who had come down from heaven.

He didn't realize he was crying until her thumb brushed over his cheeks, underneath his eyes.

"M-Mavis..." He rasped, sounding like a dying man or like someone had just rubbed sanding paper all over his vocal chords. He couldn't take his eyes off of her as her pink lips lifted up in a smile, revealing white teeth that were still a little yellow. The freckles on her nose wrinkles up in that adorable way they did when she was happy.

"See? I told you it wasn't a dream."

He choked up at the kindness in her tone, and pressed his hand against his mouth but that didn't stop the sob from ripping loose from his throat. "I'm so sorry," he gasped. "I'm sorry. I—I—oh, _God—_ " The guilt was literally making him unable to speak a proper sentence, and he clawed at his heart as if that would tear it out of his chest. "I killed you and I've done so many horrible things to your guild and—you deserve so much more than me and—I—God, I love you _so_ _much_ —"

And then she had gathered him up into her arms and everything smelled of Mavis, like the dew of morning, and he gasped as another sob tore out of his throat and clutched the back of her dress with both her hands. Her arms were tight around his back, surprisingly so for such a fragile looking creature and his shoulders shook as more sobs racked across him, bringing both of them to the ground.

"I forgive you, Zeref." Another sob, but he brought her closer to him, pulling her into his chest. Her hands rubbed across his spine. "And I don't care if I deserve more than you. You're all I want, all I need."

 _This woman..._

Eventually, he stopped sobbing so hard and he just rested his forehead against the crook of her neck, breathing and recovering. Weakly, he kissed the side of her neck in a silent thank you and her fingers stroked through his hair, reminding him that he wasn't alone. Not anymore. He felt like a tornado had just picked him off the ground and deposited him on the other side of the country. Felt like the world was changing and the ground was shaking underneath him.

"Thank you," he breathed, and he felt her nod against the side of his head.

They never had needed to say more than a few words to understand what the other person was trying to communicate, somehow.


	9. CHAPTER IX: Conviction

_"Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding." - Sri Chinmoy_

 **CHAPTER IX: Conviction**

* * *

 **UNANIMOUSLY** , it was decided that Zeref would go back with Natsu to his house. The flying, talking _blue_ cat —seriously, Happy was _blue—_ chirped about fish and Charle, the white talking cat-girl. He had an eccentric personality—not that Zeref was any better, or Natsu for that matter. He wondered if it was something that ran in the family. Natsu laughed occasionally at something Happy said, and snatched him out of the sky to run his fingers through his fur. Happy would purr during those occasions for a moment before he leapt out of Natsu's arms, bristling, and Natsu would laugh and Zeref would smile a little.

"Ah, it's such a beautiful night." Natsu said, stretching his arms toward the sky. The stars shone in his eyes and the soft smile on his face was different from the way he never seemed able to sit still. Zeref hummed in agreement. He felt calm. He was a little worried about what tomorrow would bring, but he knew that he could only deal with that when it came so he tried not to let it spoil his good mood.

"You seem happy." Happy snickered a little at his pun. Zeref allowed the smile that had been playing at the corners of his lips to form fully, and it must have taken the exceed off guard if the wide eyes were anything to go by.

"I am." He was more than happy, actually. For once, his past wrongs were not haunting him and Mavis had forgiven him, though he suspected she'd forgiven him a long time ago. He felt at peace with the world, and _that_ was a strange feeling. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Natsu smiling at him. "What?" He asked, turning his head a little so that he could catch his gaze. The smile widened.

"It's nothing. Just nice to see you so happy."

Zeref raised an eyebrow at the response and decided that it was time to... tease him a little about Lucy. That was something big brothers did, wasn't it?

"I saw you talking to Lucy earlier." Natsu's cheeks turned a little pink and Zeref smirked. "Are you _ever_ going to confess you _likeeeee_ her?"

"Have you been corrupting him, Happy?" Natsu groaned, sinking a little lower into his scarf. A laugh bubbled out of his throat to his surprise, but he decided to let it loose into the cool night air.

"Nope!" Happy shrieked gleefully, flying around Zeref's head. "Though it's _really_ obvious. Except to you two apparently." Natsu made a swipe for the exceed, but Zeref snatched him out of the air and jumped out of the way.

"Don't blame him for stating the truth!" He tossed over his shoulder, and Natsu let out a frustrated groan. Happy giggled before he flew out of his arms, and Zeref subtly high-fived him.

"It's Mira then, isn't it?"

"A little," he admitted as he casually plopped his hands on his hips. Natsu crossed his arms, standing a little taller. They stared at each other for a moment before Happy began to laugh, and Zeref blinked. Natsu laughed then too, a little sheepishly, as he rubbed the back of his neck. "But seriously," he said, sobering a little. "I could see it from the very first moment I saw the two of you interact together. You're not _that_ obvious, right? I mean, you're in Fairy Tail. You have Makarov and Cana and Macao and the chain-smoker to tell you _all_ about that." He made a face. Natsu snorted, before he looked away from him.

"I was really kind of obvious about it for a while, I guess. But after the guild disbanded and got back together again, she's all I've been able to really think about. Well, before that really. I think I started to like her more than just a friend after her future self died in front of me..." He closed his eyes and shook his head. Zeref stayed silent, even though he wanted to ask _what_ he meant by "future self." That probably would be something that was difficult to explain; time travel was a messy business anyway.

"After Tartaros, I... I was grieving over my dad's death and I hadn't really been thinking straight. I ran away. I didn't even say goodbye to her in person—I just left her with a _note..._ " Zeref winced. Even he knew that was a bad move. "I thought that she was okay... I had no idea that she had been unable to summon Aquarius, but that's no excuse. She's my _best friend._ My partner. I should have at least made sure that she was okay... But I didn't, and I left her. I don't think she's moved on either, and it's not something I can fix either. Nothing's been right ever since the guild disbanded— it's like she's getting more and more distant each day and it _terrifies_ me because I can't lose her too..."

There was a long silence, and Zeref wasn't really sure what to say to all of that. It was complicated—a mess of emotions and mistakes, and he felt something like pity stir in his heart. Neither of them were really good when it came to them, were they? He shut down, Natsu ran away.

"Sorry," Natsu said softly. "I didn't mean to say all that. It's kind of silly, isn't it?"

Zeref shook his head quickly. "No, it's not." He denied, and then he went on. "At least both of you are alive."

Natsu snorted. "It's actually kind of reassuring yours is just as bad as mine."

He smiled. "Believe it or not, I think yours is more complicated. I mean, there's the insanity bit and the half-alive, half-dead state, but at least she knows I love her, and I know she loves me. Somehow." He shook his head, still not sure how she could love someone like him. Natsu punched him in the shoulder lightly (for him, at least), and Zeref rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know. Sorry. I think the only thing you really can do is to be there for her when she needs you for now on."

He sighed. "I just wish I knew how to fix this... chasm between us. We used to be so close."

He sounded frustrated, so Zeref ruffled his hair. Natsu smiled at him a little, but his eyes were still shadowed—something that made his heart ache. There were some things he just wasn't able to protect him from, and this was one of them.

"Okay, that's enough sad stuff." Natsu declared, straightening his slumped shoulders. "Tomorrow, after that interrogation, we're going to go _fishing._ " He made a face before he could stop himself. Natsu tilted his head, "You don't like fishing?"

"It's not that, it's just that... they always stare at me. Like they're blaming me. For killing them. And I feel guilty."

Natsu threw his head back and positively _howled_ with laughter, and Zeref decided that he'd rather have him laughing at his expense rather than brooding over his relationship with Lucy Heartfilia.

* * *

Natsu was the first one to wake up the next morning, before the sun had even turned to sky from pitch black to gray. Happy was snoring by his ear as he stared up at the ceiling of his house for about thirty minutes, before he sat up and threw the blankets off his lap with a grumble. There was no way he would get back to sleep now. He was too fired up. The chill bit into his skin, and he groaned under his breath.

Winter really was on its way now.

He grabbed the pair of boots he kept for these occasions and slipped them over his sock-clad feet before he grabbed a coat and Igneel's scarf. As a fire mage, he was more susceptible to the cold unless he raised the temperature of his body, but he didn't like doing that unless it was an emergency. It used up too much energy, and on a day like today, he may need all the magic he had in him, and then some.

At least, that was what his instincts were telling him.

He spied Zeref snoozing away on the couch, and he shook his head at the way the blanket had become a pillow even though he had two already. His black shiny black boots were stacked neatly by his feet while his feet were curled under the toga. Rolling his eyes (honestly—Zeref was a grown man, shouldn't he know by now _not_ to wear togas during winter?), Natsu pulled the extra clothes out of the closest that he never used and tossed them over the boots. Mira had given them to him one day, saying something about how he'd hit some growth spurt and he'd be grateful for them then. That was four years ago.

He left the stillness of the house and entered the bitter air, closing the door behind him before it could seep in. The fallen leaves crunched under his feet loudly as the bare trunks of the trees that had been full of red, brown and yellow shades yesterday loomed over him like some horror movie.

It was cold enough that it could snow, he realized. It had to have been sixty degrees yesterday, and it dropped down to below thirty overnight. How was that even possible?

His feet led him toward the well worn path of Main Street. The only lights he saw were the ones that belonged to bakeries and the streetlights, which he stayed under as much as possible. Nothing really scared him anymore —he was a powerful mage and he could protect himself if he had to— but he wanted to stay out of the shadows as much as possible in case some creep was lurking in there. He loved fighting, but he wasn't about to go out _looking_ for one.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Lucy's house had a light on in the room she used as her office whenever she wrote. He hesitated. She probably had forgotten to switch out her light last night... except that wasn't like her at all; she was very money conscientious. Perhaps she was awake right now as well? Another second, and then he pivoted on his heel and began to walk toward her house. He couldn't believe he'd just asked Zeref for advice last night on Lucy and he was already ignoring it.

The key was underneath the potted plant that was already turning brittle, just as she had shown him when she'd gotten the apartment. Normally, he would have just flown through her window with Happy, and she knew that, but she'd told him "in case of an emergency" to use the key to get into the apartment. Granted, this wasn't an emergency, but... well...

He inserted the key and turned it. The lock clicked, so he wrapped his hand on the cold knob and turned. It swung open, and he swiftly stepped inside and shut the door behind him before the cold air could get in. Off went his boots and coat, which he hung on the coat rack because Lucy would literally _kill_ him with her own two bare hands if he dropped it on the floor.

(He knew that from experience, unfortunately.)

The light was on, and he could see her silhouette bent over something and hear the scratching of a pen against paper. Why was she writing at... He checked the illuminated clock on the microwave. Why was she writing at 3:51 AM?

He walked toward the office and slipped inside, careful not to let the door squeak. She was completely absorbed in that world she disappeared into at times when she thought it was just her and the words created from ink and paper. The sleeves of her pink pajamas were rolled up to her elbows and her long hair was tumbling over her shoulders. Her long fingers were stained with ink.

Those hands of hers held more power in their pinky than he did in his arm. It was amazing how she could write a thousand words down from her thoughts without even blinking about it on the days when she said she was inspired. It was also amazing how she would struggle to write even a hundred words the next day, and still carry on the day after that. Those hands, calloused from years of wielding keys and long and strong from something that wasn't from her keys —perhaps she had played the piano?— wielded more power in them than he did in his entire body. They were the hands that belonged to someone who worked hard; someone who was honest, and kind, and just _amazing._

With a little jump, he realized he'd been standing in the same spot long enough for his right leg to go to sleep. So, he shook it out to get rid of the tingling sensation and stepped forward, wincing when it shot up his leg like a hot wire. He touched her shoulder, uttering, "Lucy," and she jumped about a foot in the air. Her brown eyes were startled and wide, before the tension drained from her shoulders. She didn't smile at him like she would have, but at least she wasn't glaring.

"What are you doing here?" She demanded. Okay. Maybe she was a little pissed. "It's like, five in the morning. Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"It's four in the morning and the same goes for you." He retorted dryly. Her eyes narrowed, and he continued on hastily. She would kick him out of her house if he didn't offer an explanation, and he knew better than to test it. "I woke up about an hour ago and decided to walk around. I saw your light on so I came over to make sure you were okay. What are you doing anyway? It looks like you've been up all night if the stack of papers is anything to go by."

She ignored the latter part of what he said. "I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for a while."

The words were harsh and he _knew_ she chose them deliberately—there was no way she had not. She'd always had a way with words so that they were two-faced. He wanted to bristle at her and snap something back, but he knew that that wouldn't get them anywhere. And he'd been _trying_ to gain her trust back... or at least, her forgiveness.

These were the times where it was obvious that their dynamic wasn't the same. He knew it looked like it was to people who didn't know them, but she was still angry at him and nothing was right anymore.

"I know." He said, carefully keeping his hands in his lap and his tone level. "But I was still worried."

She stared at him, not quite a glare but not quite the trusting look she once graced him with either, and then she sighed, accepting his words. He let go of the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. His lungs burned as they greedily accepted the new air.

"Really though, why are you up so early? Err, so late."

Her fingers clenched, the ones on her right hand into a fist while the left around her pen. He hadn't even realized she was left-handed—she always summoned her spirits with her right.

"Same reason as you, I guess. I couldn't sleep. I think I managed to doze off for about an hour before I woke up. My brain's just too awake."

He grimaced. "Don't you think you should try to get some more, at least? I have a bad feeling about this."

"Nah. I'm actually really inspired right now, so I'm just going with it. I don't think I'll be able to get back to sleep anyway—I used to wake up this early to catch the story with Jason, and I haven't slept past eight in a while."

Silence. He wasn't sure what to say in response to that, so he didn't say anything. She sighed softly and turned back to the paper, pressing her pen down on the pages and continuing where she left off. He watched her for a while, pulling out the other chair and curling his legs underneath him. He could have read over her shoulder, but he knew that she was possessive about those tales she spun with her mind and fingers, so he didn't. But he was _so_ curious about this one... he'd seen her working on it each time she was alone, even in the guild. And so, eventually, he asked, "What are you writing about?"

The pen stilled, and then she raised her head and looked at him. Her expression was thoughtful, and the emotions danced across her face with a startling clarity he hadn't realized he'd missed.

"Fairy Tail."

He blinked. "You're writing about Fairy Tail?" He asked, just to make sure. She nodded, putting the pen down. "Why?" It wasn't that he was against her writing about Fairy Tail—quite the opposite. He was a little giddy about it. He was just confused. It was so different than what she usually wrote—about princes and dragons and castles and princesses and kisses. Fairy Tail wasn't about any of those; they were just a loud guild who treated each other like a family. It was a never ending adventure, with no clear beginning or ending like the stories she told.

She blushed, and he gaped at her before he realized what she was doing. Her nose and ears and cheeks were coated a light shade of pink, and she was looking everywhere but at him.

"It's kind of silly. I was... It was about six or seven months ago, and I was scared that I would forget about Fairy Tail and our adventures if I didn't put them down on paper somehow. So, I've been working on it every chance I get."

"That's awesome!" He breathed, awestruck. It didn't escape his notice that she was scared of forgetting about Fairy Tail for some reason, but he knew that now wasn't the time to ask why. One day, perhaps, but not now. "Have you shown Levy?"

She shook her head. "You're the only person I've told. I've just reached the part where Acnologia attacked us during the S-Class trials, but it's something that I haven't really worked up the courage to show to anyone. It's kind of funny, really. After starting so many stories and never being able to finish any of them, I've practically thrown my entire soul into this one and it's like the words won't stop coming out."

It touched him that he was the first person to know, despite the rusted metaphorical links that chained them together. And her eyes were still fixed on his, but they were softer now. He smiled at her.

"Igneel once told me that each one of us is born because we have a story to tell. Maybe you've just found yours."

She stared at him with wide eyes for a long moment, her lips parted a little and her nostrils flaring. He stayed as still as he could, his heart hammering under his chest as he wondered if he'd said the wrong thing. She stood up and walked away from him.

He panicked. "Wait, Lucy!" He leapt to his feet and followed her. She ignored his plea, opening the door and stepping into the hall, switching the lights on. "Look, I know that that might not have been the right thing to tell you and I'm sorry. I mean, I know Fairy Tail isn't what it used to be, but I really did mean that as a compliment." He slapped his forehead as he chased after her. "Dammit, why am I always ruining things? Lucy. Lucy! I'm really sorry. I take it back—"

She looked at him over her shoulder as she pulled several stacks out paper out of one of her cabinets. "Why would you be sorry?" She asked, sounding confused. She turned around, cradling the papers in her arms as if it were her child.

"I... You're not mad?"

"No. Of course not. Why would I be?" She looked genuinely confused. He hesitated, wanting nothing more to say _never mind, it's nothing. I'm just being a weirdo like you._ Instantly though, he pushed the urge away. That was how they got into this mess in the first place anyway, and he'd rather be truthful with her than hedge at it.

"It's just..." His tongue, however, did not want to cooperate with his resolve. "You've been so distant ever since the guild reformed that it feels like you're angry with me. I know something happened to Aquarius but... I just..." He trailed off uselessly, lamely waving his hands out in front of him. He glanced at the clock so that he didn't have to meet her eyes. _4:23._

"Natsu..." Her voice was quiet, and he peeked at her. She was clutching the papers to her chest like it was a lifeline and she wasn't looking at him either. "I'm not mad at you. Well, maybe I am a little. I'm just... I feel hurt. And sad. And it's hard for me to reconnect with the guild again. When you left and the guild disbanded, I-I fell into a really bad depression. I think I'm still a little depressed even now. It's just hard, and I feel like I have to be happy. Like I wasn't affected at all." She shrugged one shoulder, but her nonchalance was obviously faked since her eyes were glassy. "I kind of broke down yesterday when you and Gray and Erza started fighting. ...Sorry for screaming at you, by the way."

He touched her hair, tugging on a lock slightly. She smiled a little. "You don't have to be like that around me, Luce."

"You don't get it, stupid." She mumbled, and he stared at her a little hurt but more confused than anything else.

"I don't get what?" He asked, but instead of sounding calm his voice was full of frustration. " _Please_ , you have to talk to me." His voice cracked, and she looked at him directly.

"I'm in love with you." She said. Just like that. There were no candles or life or death situations. No kissing or arguing, or racing hearts. It just came out, like she was stating a fact that was as obvious as the sky was blue or the world was round. She dropped her eyes. "I don't want to be weak in front of you."

He moved forward and encircled her with his arms. She clutched the back of his shirt with one of her hands and pressed her face against his shoulder, which made him notice that he was a lot taller than she was now. It'd been the other way around a year ago.

"I love you, too," he admitted. She laughed a little, and he smiled. "But we're _nakama,_ aren't we?"

"Yeah." Her voice was sure, and his heart skipped a little in his chest. At least everything wasn't ruined.

"Then I don't want you to pretend to be happy around me, and vice versa, all right? When we're happy, we'll laugh and smile and go on adventures. When we're sad, we'll have a good cry and maybe even a screaming match. It's better than bottling up our emotions until they boil over and explode, isn't it?"

She nodded hesitantly. "I'm not sure how you'd react to me crying though. The last time I did, you kinda flailed around like a headless chicken in panic a bit."

He chuckled. "I've had a lot of practice with cheering Zeref up."

She hummed in agreement and pulled away from him. She was still clutching those papers, which he noticed more now. They were slightly yellow, but not enough for them to be old. Perhaps a year at the most?

"I was trying not to stare, but I was watching them yesterday." She confessed. He thought back to the way Zeref had completely broken down in the middle of the guild and how Mavis had clutched him so close to her, as if he was a lifeline. "For a while, actually. It's like they're drawn to each other like two pieces of the puzzle. He looks at her like she's his entire world."

"I know. It's hard for me to imagine what he's gone through..." He admitted. "And most of it was for me. He doesn't say it outright, but I'm not stupid. I can read between the lines."

She studied him for a moment before she laughed softly and ran her fingers through his hair, messing it up. He pulled away with a laugh. "I can't believe you've gotten so observant. When did that happen?" She laughed, with a hint of melancholy. He laughed too, rubbing the back of his head.

"What's in your hands anyway?"

"Oh. This." She looked down at the paper in surprise, as if she'd forgotten about it. A soft smile curved at her mouth. "For you. I mean, if you want to read it here. You don't have to read it. It's just... you were the person who brought me into Fairy Tail, so you should be the first one to read it. I'm sure Levy'll understand."

The words and the smile died in the back of his throat as he took the papers from her hands gently. He handled it as if it were glass that could break if he dropped it. Nothing could have ever prepared him for this. She never _ever_ let him read something she wrote, so for her to do it now... especially for something like this, which she'd told him was basically her soul written on paper...

" _Lucy._ " He breathed, his eyes glued to the front page.

 _FAIRY TAIL_

 _LUCY HEARTFILIA_

He traced the word she'd written in her neat script—except that it wasn't script exactly. It was calligraphy. He could already see the careful precision that had drawn him to her in the first place.

"A-are you okay with this?" He asked, looking up just to make sure. He wanted nothing more than to read it, but he didn't want her to regret it later. She nodded, her eyes fixed on the papers he held between his fingers.

"Like I said, you don't have to read it. I know you're not really fond of reading anyway... But I want to show it to you before anyone else. Plus, I have a bad feeling about tomorrow, so..."

He smiled at her and laughed a little. "Are you kidding? I'm honored. And to be honest, I only say that so that I can pretend that I couldn't read the instructions. Igneel taught me how to read, and I think I can read that language from the islands in the west too. A lot of the words are familiar."

She blinked. "I had no idea you were bilingual."

"I'm not sure though. I never really had a reason to read it anyway."

They walked out of the kitchen and down the hall into her office again, and she switched the lights off. He curled up in the chair, pulling the top page off and putting it neatly on the table face down.

 _When I ran away from the life my father had planned for me in the Heartfilia dynasty in x783, I had a dream to join the best guild on Earthland: Fairy Tail, the guild of adventures that never ended. I didn't have much to offer. I wasn't a powerful mage even though I had three Celestial keys I'd inherited from my mother and one extra I'd just bought from a shady vendor, but it never occurred to me that I shouldn't join another guild or get a job. I was dead set on somehow finding a way to Magnolia to talk to the master. After that, I would figure out what to do next..._

* * *

 _...As we held hands with one another as Acnologia loomed over us, I felt happy. It wasn't like I wasn't terrified, or that I wanted to die, but I accepted that I was going to die staring at the jaws of death with my family and Natsu surrounding me, holding each other up. I wasn't alone, like I would have been if I'd stayed as Lucky Lucy Heartfilia, the Heiress of the Heartfilia State._

 _If I was going to die, it was for something that I believed in—it wasn't going to be meaningless. That was the thought that filled me with enough peace to go gently into the night._

"Natsu? Are you okay? You're crying."

He pulled away his gaze away from the last page of her story, his hands trembling. Lucy had placed the mugs of coffee she had brought over from kitchen onto her desk, and her eyes were concerned as she put her hands over his cheeks and wiped the tears away with her thumb. He leaned forward, closing his eyes, and she caught him in her embrace.

"Lucy..." His voice was hoarse. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She said softly. And then a bit more sarcastically, "I'd love to stay here forever, but it's already almost nine and we were supposed to be at the guild half an hour ago."

He pulled away and wiped the remaining stickiness off his face with a smile. He gulped down half of the coffee as he stood up and leaned over to turn out the lamp for her. She was studying him with that steady look, so he walked over to her and pressed his forehead against hers in the way he hadn't done in more than a year.

"It's amazing, Lucy."

She smiled a little and touched the back of his neck. "C'mon. We really need to leave."

He drained the second half of the coffee, rinsed it under running water, and put it in the sink. He pulled his boots on and his coat. She wrapped a scarf around her neck and plopped a hat on her head. When he held the door open for her, she smiled at him in a way that made him think that maybe, just maybe, Zeref was right. Maybe they would work through this together and figure out a way to make it work.

The door closed behind them with a firm click.

* * *

 _I wrote two chapters of shipping instead of bromance and I should feel mildly exasperated that I strayed off my theme but IT WAS NECESSARY. For my health._

 _Next chapter: the plot thickens (again)._


	10. CHAPTER X: Confrontation

_"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy." - James Madison_

 **CHAPTER X: Confrontation**

* * *

 **ZEREF** stared at the pants.

"You put them on." Happy supplied helpfully.

He narrowed his eyes at the flying blue cat ( _exceed_ ), tempted to throw the clothing at his large head. He _knew_ what they were for; he just didn't understand why he would have to wear them. Happy munched on a silver fish.

"Are you always like this?" he wondered out loud, wishing he knew where Natsu was. Happy's fish stunk. Happy nodded with a wide smile.

"Pretty much, basically. Yeah."

He rolled his eyes and ran his fingers over the shirt. It was short sleeved—similar to the t-shirts some westerners were so fond of, except that it had a collar on it. Or sleeves. And it wasn't even fifty degrees outside.

"Does he think I _like_ being freezing cold?" He mumbled, frowning at the shirt. That rotten cat snickered.

"You walk around in bed linens on a daily basis."

He wrinkled his nose at him. "They're _warm_ bed linens though." He shook the shirt out and draped it over his shoulder. "Do you know if he keeps any coats or something?"

"He has the one Gray left. I think he's wearing the one Lushee bought him."

"Why would he...?" He shook his head, deciding that he really didn't want to know why Gray had left his coat here. He assumed it had something to do with his stripping problem. (Though he had _no idea_ why he would come over here in the first place... unless it was to goad Natsu. Actually, that made sense.) "Never mind. Thanks Happy."

Swiftly, he stepped into the bathroom (which was surprisingly clean) and pulled the toga over his head. He caught the scars on his back and arms reflected back at him, and nearly flinched from the reminder. There were so many things he'd done wrong... so many things he would never be able to right. He may have been forgiven for what he'd done, but there were still consequences... He doubted any of them would fully trust him, not even Natsu.

Then again, he didn't trust himself.

 _Get your head out of the clouds, Zeref._ He scolded himself with a shake of his head. _You have to pay attention to what's going on today, and not. slip. up. Otherwise you'll condemn Fairy Tail as well._

After he slid into the shirt and the pants, he took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror. Black hair and piercing brown eyes stared back at him. The reflection reached up and touched his cheek when he raised his hand and touched his own cheek. Sometimes, it amazed he still looked human. There was nothing there that would tell someone of the monster hidden within him... Nothing at all.

He turned the facet on, letting the cool water run over his hands. It didn't turn red. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes, bent over the sink and splashed it over his face. The cold woke him up, and he shivered. He dried his face off with the toga before he grabbed the coat and walked out the door.

"Finally!" Happy complained. "You take even longer than Lucy."

He hid a smile behind his hand. "I wasn't _that_ long."

* * *

Zeref stepped into the guild, the normal chatter caressing his ears. Mavis smiled at him before she focused entirely on Makarov, her eyes serious. Serious, but cheerful. She was quite cheerful, wasn't she?

He slid into his usual seat next to Natsu, trying to ignore the way he ate his chicken drumsticks whole, bone and all. There were some things he really, really didn't want to understand – and that was one of them. He propped his elbows on the table and rested his head on his arms, breathing in slowly and exhaling to steady his nerves.

"Nervous?" That was Lucy's voice. It sounded sympathetic, and he nodded. "Natsu, would you _stop eating_ like – oh, that's gross." He could see her wrinkling her nose up in his mind. Fingers tapped the back of his head and he bolted upright. Mirajane looked apologetic as she pushed eggs and a milkshake in front of him.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

He shook his head and gave her a rueful smile. "No, it's okay. I'm just jumpy. Thank you, Mira."

She gave him a double-take before she smiled at him, big and wide, and turned back toward the kitchen. He took a small bite out of the eggs and savored the flavor on his tongue before he caught the wide-eyed look of wonder on Natsu's face. "What?" He asked around the egg, shoveling more into his mouth as his stomach finally made his brain realize just how _hungry_ he was.

"You didn't sniff at your food _and_ you called her Mira instead of Mirajane."

"Um... I don't understand?" He gulped the egg down and took a sip of the chocolate milkshake. _Blagh,_ he thought with a shudder. _Note to self: Chocolate and eggs do_ not _mix well together. Ick._ "Doesn't everyone else call Mirajane Mira?"

"Well, yes but... you don't."

He frowned slightly. "Wait, I'm not supposed to call her Mira?"

"No, it's not that— it's just. It's _weird?_ I don't know. I just never thought I'd hear you say it."

He stared at Natsu. Natsu gulped down his hot, jalapeño-drenched coffee.

"It's just a bit strange coming from you," Lucy explained when Natsu didn't speak up again. She was sitting on his other side, writing again. Her fingers were stained with ink already when she looked up and met his eyes. _How is she always writing?_ "We don't expect you to call us by a nickname, since you're always so formal when you talk."

"Ah." He said, pretending to understand her. He waved his chopstick around as if he was about to say something, then dropped it back into the eggs. "Don't worry Lucy. I'll be back to normal tomorrow. I'm just trying to pretend my stomach isn't about to collapse on itself right now."

She chuckled. "Better stick to doing that."

This time, he was the one who was gaping at the side of her head as she absorbed herself with whatever she was writing again. He turned to Natsu and gestured at her, silently asking _Did she just make a joke?_ Natsu shrugged, but the smile on his lips told Zeref he knew something more about her slightly more relaxed mood.

 _Huh._ That was something he would have to look into later.

"Hey, is that a fox bite?" Someone asked, the youngest member – Romeo, right? His dark eyes were fixed on the scar on his right shoulder. Zeref automatically covered it with his hand before he dropped it and smiled ruefully.

"It is. I got it when I was your age. At least, before I was cursed. Don't try to pet fox cubs – the mother is very ... protective of them." He winced, remembering the burning pain that ran up and down his arm for days, despite Natsu's careful bandaging and the painkillers their teacher had given them. Natsu snorted suddenly, and he looked at him.

"You're not kidding." He swiveled his chair around and rolled up his pants, revealing a similar mark on his calf. "Wish I'd known that when I was a kid. I think Igneel panicked more than I was when I showed it to him."

"Ouch." He winced. "Those things _hurt_ too, and I'd been training under a sadistic mage for—"

 ** _BOOM BOOM BOOM_**

Zeref jumped about a foot in the air at the loud banging noise that echoed through the hall, choking on the milkshake as it went up his throat and entered his nose. He clapped a hand over his nostrils as the burning inside of his sinuses made his eyes sting. Silence fell over the hall in a split second, conversation dying at once. As soon as he was sure that he wasn't about to sneeze milkshake out, he exhaled slowly.

He was pretty sure that that wasn't normal. Lucy had even stopped scribbling words down on those sheets of lined paper, which he was half convinced only happened when someone either talked directly at her or the end of the world had arrived.

Gajeel walked toward the doors with a disgruntled look on his face and pulled them wide open. Zeref gulped back the lump in his throat at the small army of soldiers that stood outside the walls.

 _And... this was all because they caught wind of Zeref staying in a guild. Because I saved Natsu's life._

Not that he would regret it, _ever._ By now, he knew that Natsu could have probably figured out how to protect himself and Lucy, but it had opened up the door to finally get to know his little brother again ... finally opened the doors up to a small light of redemption for even some of the wrongs he'd done. He'd been able to see Mavis again.

So, no. He'd never regret saving Natsu's life, though he did regret bringing the fury of the magic council upon Fairy Tail. It seemed like for every action he took, a consequence always followed it, whether or not the action he did was good or bad.

"What's going on?" Someone eventually asked loudly, piercing through the tension – the small girl, the daughter of the sharpshooters. He crossed his fingers behind his back, hoping that that would be enough for them to look like they had _not_ in fact been informed that the magic council would be here today (except without the bang), hoping that they would not look at him twice. He breathed deeply, nearly jumping out of his skin when Natsu squeezed his shoulder before standing up.

A toad-like creature stepped forward, unrolling an important-looking scroll. Zeref barely caught himself from rolling his eyes at just how _ancient_ the scroll was – it had been considered out of date before _he_ was even _born._

"On the twenty-seventh day of November, we of the king's men have arrived here today on account of suspicions of Zeref's occupation in one of the fourteen light guilds in the Fiore kingdoms... blah blah blah... please compel with the officials... don't fight... blah blah blah..."

He tried to pay attention, he really did. His problem was that he'd never been able to listen whenever someone started to just drone on and on in that tone of voice. It was the most surefire way to make him zone out. He'd never liked wasting his time on stupid people, and that was just something that had only increased over time. His leg bounced until Lucy leaned behind Natsu and smacked his arm.

Eventually, the Toad stepped away with a final flourish and bowed. He nearly scoffed at how ridiculous it was —they were Fairy Tail mages, none of them cared about formalities. The soldiers marched forward in an almost eerie sync. They almost didn't look human to him – more... robotic, and that made Zeref a little nervous. There was one thing to march in sync; it was another thing entirely to move forward without any expression and stiff movement.

They sat down at four tables without invitation, setting out their papers and scanners. The Toad stepped forward again, unraveling his scroll.

"By order of the king, we are here to inject serums into each mage for tracking in case of national emergency..."

Zeref's stomach plummeted even as his mind raced fifty miles an hour. He _knew_ what this was—he'd seen it in action before, when he was a child ... The soldiers had come, demanding each mage to be injected with a tracking device. Five years later, each mage had been called to duty into the Imperial Army to fight off invaders, but in reality they'd been _attacking_ other nations.

They weren't here for him – he'd bet an arm and a leg that saying that he was hidden in a guild was just an excuse to distribute these serums into the entire magical population. He stood carefully, not missing the way Natsu stared at him in confusion.

"Why would King Fiore need to be able to track us?" Makarov asked, stilling him. He was suspicious too – then he wanted to smack himself for feeling the need to go up to him. Makarov wasn't stupid – in fact, he was probably quite cunning. "Part of the reason why there are guilds is so that we can assimilate quickly in case of a state of emergency and act as a barrier between the civilians and the invaders."

 _It is?_ He thought.

"The huns have been promising to invade for years, and we've recently gathered intelligence that they are planning to kidnap and target mages. We wish to minimize that risk."

 _Bullshit._ It was surprisingly fierce, and it sounded suspiciously like his teacher's voice. But it was the truth. The huns had been promising to invade each country for as long as he could remember. It wasn't old news. And mages could take care of themselves. Perhaps not like his teacher who he'd seen slay a bear with her own two hands, but they were certainly not _easy_ to kill or kidnap. Mages in a guild were even more so, since they were used to constantly being aware of dangers thanks to the missions they took.

But... somehow, he got the feeling that even if they voiced their thoughts about the matter, they would not listen. Makarov must have had the same thought processes as he did, because he nodded slowly. He didn't look happy, at all.

"Very well."

The Toad cleared his throat. "Dragneel, Natsu. Dresier, Laxus. Fullbuster, Gray. Heartfilia, Lucy."

Zeref shot him a frantic look, but Natsu only smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder, whispering a "Don't do anything stupid." before he marched up to the table. He knew instantly that this wasn't going to be a short process when the soldiers began to riffle through the papers and tablets.

"You're going to have to lie, Zeref. And lie _good._ " Mavis' tone was serious as she sat down on the countertop. He looked up at her. "There's a fifty-fifty chance you'll be able to convince them that you're a new member—"

"I _am_ new." He reminded her. "I joined yesterday."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't tell them that you joined yesterday. That'll set off alarm bells. You need a name."

"Spriggan?" He tapped his chin, but he was only half joking. She laughed.

"You're not very ugly." She said, and his lips twitched up at the gentle reminder. Her foot brushed against the white mark on his shoulder, cool but somehow still solid. "Why Spriggan?"

"It was a nickname." The table Natsu was at suddenly lit up like bonfire, and his smile widened slightly. He wondered what had happened, though he didn't want to be on the receiving end of Makarov's Money-Induced Ire. "My brother gave it to me."

"Natsu, right?" He peeked up at her through his fringe, and her smile was beaming. "It's kind of hard to get much past me. That, and you mentioned your brother's name was Natsu once. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. You two look alike, especially when you're laughing." Her smile softened, and he looked away.

"It feels so strange sometimes. Part of me still thinks I'm dreaming."

She hummed as four more mages were called forward. Happy curled up on his lap, and he scratched him behind his ear.

"Well, I can pinch you, if you want?"

He moved away. "No, thank you." He said politely, making sure her fingers were no where near his arm. "Please keep your claws to yourself, ma'am."

She hugged him against her chest, her lips brushing against the side of his head before she glided away, back over to Makarov. He watched her go as Natsu plopped down next to him, rubbing his arm.

"Those things hurt," he grumbled. Zeref yanked his eyes away from her long hair. "Like seriously. Did they have to inject the which-you-ma-call-it so hard?"

"Didn't you set a table on fire though?" He said thoughtfully. "That may have been why."

"No. That was when they insulted Igneel." He raised his nose into the air. "That was after they put the stupid stuff into my arm."

Lucy slumped down on Zeref's other side, taking the forgotten milkshake and gulping about half of what was left down. She grimaced, rubbing the mustache off with her sleeve.

"At least you didn't get some pervert who tried to stare down your shirt when he injected the serum." She said, running her hands through her hair, over her blouse. "I haven't had something like that happen to me in a while either. I don't know why I encouraged it when I was younger..."

"He _what_?" Natsu hissed, standing up. Lucy reached out and snagged onto his jacket, wheeling him back in.

"Whoa there, cowboy. Don't start any fights—we _don't_ want to agitate them. Besides, I handled it."

Zeref moved as close as his seat allowed to Natsu. "She's scary enough normally. I can't imagine what she did to someone who genuinely ticked her off."

Natsu sat back down. "Did you Lucy Kick them?"

"I only save that for when you break into my apartment." She answered right off the bat. "I haven't actually planned any payback yet. I was thinking about calling Jason and having him right an article..."

He shivered. "Your girlfriend is terrifying." He muttered under his breath, knowing Natsu would be able to hear him. Happy twitched and snored, reminding him that he was still in his lap.

"She's not my girlfriend." Natsu replied.

"Yet." Lucy added, throwing a wink at Natsu. To his delight, he turned bright red and buried his chin underneath that dragon-scaled scarf.

* * *

Eventually, the names reached "V" and the guy who did the weird dancing magic was finally called, indicating that he was the last one on the list. There was nothing Natsu or Lucy or Mirajane could do to calm the way butterflies made his stomach flip-flop. As three soldiers walked through the crowds up to him, Zeref carefully adopted a poker face to hide the terror that was making him feel a little sick.

"Name?" The man in the middle asked, his face blank and professional. Zeref clasped his hands together to hide the way they shook. _Short. Keep it short. Don't elaborate._

"Spriggan."

"Last name too."

It fell off his tongue before he could stop himself. "Dragneel." He caught the look of surprise before the blank professionalism masked his face again. Natsu didn't react.

"Are you related to Natsu Dragneel?" _Obviously,_ he thought. He could read the silent _not another Dragneel_ in his eyes. Zeref only nodded. "Relationship to Natsu Dragneel?"

"I'm—"

"He's my brother." Natsu interrupted, voice calm. Zeref couldn't quite control the urge to look at him in surprise. _Why would he...?_ The man didn't even look at him, his eyes fixed on Zeref's. He cleared his throat.

"I'm his brother." He confirmed softly, still trying to understand why Natsu would say that. It was one thing to talk to him; another entirely to admit that they were siblings. If they found out that he really was... The soldier tapped on his screen, held it up and he heard the click of a picture being taken. He breathed through his nose.

"Magic?"

"Healing." He answered automatically. After all, that had been the magic he had been trained in— that was the magic that had led him down the path of darkness. His teacher would have been furious with him if she'd known how much he'd distorted a once pure magic. The soldier lifted his head, raising a perfectly kept eyebrow.

"Isn't that a lost magic?" He nodded silently. Technically, it was, and he knew that if he searched it in the archives, he would find nothing. The soldier stared at him before his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. _Uh-oh. He doesn't believe me._ "Prove it."

"I beg your pardon?" He stalled. Natsu tensed next to him.

"Prove to me you can heal. Cut your hand open and heal it." Zeref's eyes narrowed slightly. _Cut myself?_ He thought. The idea of drawing his own blood on purpose made him a little sick to the stomach. "It's said that a true healer can heal him or herself."

He pressed his lips together before he slipped out his pocketknife. Part of him wondered if he would be able to get away with stabbing the man in the shoulder and running far, far away from Fairy Tail. The other part of his head worried that his curse would creep back into the back of his mind and eat at whatever sanity he had left.

"Spriggan..." Natsu sounded worried, and he flashed him a thin-lipped smile.

"It's okay. After all..." He slid the sharp blade over the base of his palm, cringing at the pain. "A healer knows how to fix his mistakes." He glared at the soldier, who, to his satisfaction, gulped.

His eyes closed as he focused inward, remembering his teacher's words in his head. _Center yourself in the natural world, Zeref, before you look for your core._ He anchored most of his presence with Fairy Tail, clutching the chair with the hand that wasn't bleeding. And he searched, diving deep down, carving through the ugly dark taint of the curse that suffocated that warmth.

And then he touched it.

Warmth exploded through him, like liquid sunlight. It pierced through the cracks of the curse, surrounding his heart, making his fingertips and toes tingle. It warmed his ears. Unconsciously, a smile wormed its way onto his face. He hadn't used it in such a long time... he'd been scared to let that small bit become tainted as well. _Not my magic, you bastard. You can take everything but my magic and my brother._ He'd thought that once, when the curse had been new.

His eyelids opened and he concentrated on the wound. _Gather it up,_ his teacher's voice murmured into his ear. _Turn it into energy. Focus on what you want to heal._ The once forgotten heat burned behind his iris, and he knew that they were turning from brown to gold with the slowly gathering magic. He heard someone gasp.

" _I cure._ " He whispered, the ancient language caressing his tongue. The skin began to etch itself back together. It wasn't exactly neat, but it was proof.

As soon as the magic resided back down, he felt drained to the core. The urge to lay down and take a nap was strong, but he forced his eyes to remain open and his back rigid. He met the gaping soldier's eyes, allowing a small smirk to settle on his lips.

"A golden eyed mage..." He said, his voice soft. Zeref wasn't sure what that meant, but he figured it wasn't anything bad. "Um. Right. Okay. Err." He fumbled with the serum, pulling it out of the bag. "Protocol." He said, the mask of professionalism fraying at the edges. He jammed the needle into his skin, and Zeref flinched back as the stuff was forced into his veins.

As soon as the soldier left, Lucy practically _pounced_ on him. The Toad was saying something about thanking and cooperation, but Zeref was preoccupied with the pantheress in front of him.

"You can use magic?!"She hissed. "And healing magic? _Direct_ healing magic? Not like Wendy's sky dragon slayer healing magic?"

He bumped into Natsu's arm in his effort to move away from her. " _Yes_. Though I haven't used it in centuries. It's basically a lost art magic, isn't it?"

"Your eyes turn gold." Natsu seemed contemplative. "Don't they turn red whenever you go on a..." He waved his hand, like he was cursing someone. "Killing spree? Is that something with you? Do _my_ eyes turn gold?"

"No. Your magic's more diluted than mine." He said. At the confused expression on his face, Zeref explained. "Magic used to be much harder to learn and master because it required energy from the mage performing it, rather than an object. Granted, yours is closer to the fire magic I was required to learn to become a healer, but it was passed down to you from a dragon, therefore, not all of the energy is _your_ pure, magical energy."

His blank expression told him that he still didn't understand. So, Zeref pointed at Lucy.

"The original celestial mages didn't need keys to summon spirits. Just needed the chants. Now they do, because they " _burrow_ " magic from the natural world—etherno?" He shrugged. "It's just a different source of energy we tap into now. For all I know, in another couple hundred years, magic could be all but extinct and physics will be taking over again."

"Physics...?"

"It was science. And math. I never was able to understand it."

Lucy groaned. "Me neither. My father made me take both of them and I was never able to wrap my head around _algebra,_ let alone physics."

There was a lull in the conversation, long enough for Zeref to begin to fall asleep again. Then someone spoke up, waking him up again.

"So, he's your brother?" Gray Fullbuster asked, directing his question at Natsu. He jabbed his thumb in his general direction. Natsu's eyes narrowed but he nodded.

"I'm surprised you heard that."

"It's kind of hard not to hear your heartfelt declaration. Do you know what could've happened if he ended up being discovered by the council?" He rolled his eyes and sat on the countertop. Mirajane pushed a drink over at him, and he gulped it down. "Though it explains why you've had bipolar actions with him in the last few months."

Natsu shrugged and plucked the mug out of his hands. "Sorry for melting your popsicle brain with my confusion." He snarked. Gray's eyes narrowed at him as he drank some of whatever was in the mug. "Whiskey? Seriously?"

"I need something stronger than a beer." He grumbled. "I should have stayed undercover."

"I'd have never forgiven you."

"Sometimes, I wonder if you have."

Natsu sent him a scary grin. "For being an idiot? Of course I have."

"I'll have you know that—"

 _BEEP_

There was a moment of confusion as they looked around for the beeping sound. Lucy's eyebrows had joined together as she looked at him.

"That sounds like an alarm... clock..."

Her eyes fell to his wrist, and he lifted his hand.

 _.05 Bars Left_

"Oh, _shit_!" He breathed. "Lucy, the bracelet—"

"Levy!" She shouted, pivoting in front of him. He pulled the sleeve up, displaying the blinking red lights on the wrist. _"Horologium!"_ She snapped. He wheeled away at the command in her tone, then blinked in surprise when the grandfather clock spirit materialized in front of them. She looked up at him as Levy skidded over, sliding a bit on the slick floor.

"I need your help—I don't know how it happened—"

"It's okay Lucy-san." Horologium said, tone reassuring both of them. "Just keep a clear head and tell us what to do."

She breathed. "Right. Um. Levy, can you reinforce Freed's runes before I recharge it? Just in case?"

The small bluenette nodded. "Of course. Solid Script: Statistics!"

Numbers and strange letters danced in front of him, too confusing for Zeref to read. He closed his eyes and focused on pulling that warmth through him to hold the darkness at bay long enough for them to recharge it. _It must have been the magic... I shouldn't have done it. But then I'd be revealed as a nonmagic user, and then they would look into my records. Maybe. There's only a possibility they'd looked at the—of_ course _they would have looked at my records and figured out I wasn't real._

"Lucy," he hissed through his teeth. "You might have to recharge it then reinforce."

"I'd risk undoing everything if I did that!" She sounded closed to panicked. He pressed his forehead against the counter to support it.

 _Something's fighting me..._

"Then do it _quickly._ " He tried to keep the snap out of his tone, but he was pretty sure it came in anyway. "Please." He added for good measure. _Why would you say please? ...Why wouldn't I?_

 _Oh, crap._

Voices swarmed in and out as something warm touched his shoulder. He sensed the nervousness of the crowd — _Good. Wait, what? No,_ _ **bad**_ —and breathed in through his nose. Voices. In his head. _The curse._

Then suddenly, blessedly, the pressure building inside of his skull abruptly left. Left. It didn't dissipate or dissolved. It just left. _Poofed._ He raised his head and blinked, waiting for his vision to stop spinning and blurring in and out of focus. Belatedly, he realized that he'd been leaning against Mavis, not a countertop. She looked worried. The others looked scared. Except Natsu. He looked nervous.

"You're Good Zeref, right?" Gray eventually asked, breaking the silence. "Because if you're the Evil Twin Zeref then I'm going to feel obliged to knock you out."

He smiled thinly. "Please do that if I do something off." He closed his eyes and leaned against Mavis again. Her thin but strong arms wrapped around his back. "Thanks, Lucy. Levy."

Both of them laughed nervously, high pitched and aching against his skull. Migraine. He had a migraine. "Don't mention it—" One of them said. Probably Lucy.

"Lucy did most of the work anyway."

"Horologium did it."

"No, Lucy-san, you're the one who—"

"Shut up." He rasped when he couldn't take too many voices anymore. "Please."

Everyone silenced. Mavis' fingers ran through his hair before her hands pushed him down. Into her lap? "Get some sleep." She whispered. "You used too much of your magic at once."

"It was a _cut._ " He mumbled weakly, protesting. He opened his eyes half-way to see Natsu's worried face and smiled at him to reassure him that he was all right.

"Shh. We'll talk later."

"...Okay."

* * *

 _The end is near! Just two chapters left. :)_

 _(finally, lol)_


	11. CHAPTER XI: Reflection

_"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." ― Friedrich Nietzsche_

 **CHAPTER XI: Reflection**

* * *

 **"BROTHERS,** huh? That explains a lot."

Natsu's imaginary hackles raised at Gray's tone of voice, the instinctual urge to snap at him strong. Instead, he shoved his hands underneath his legs so that the popsicle couldn't see the way they clenched as he angled his body around to face him.

"Yeah? So?" He smacked his forehead with his hand mentally at the defensive tone. _Idiot,_ he thought. Sometimes, he wondered if the reason they constantly thought was really because their personalities crashed with each other's, or if there was something more sinister behind it.

 _Like the fact that I'm END and he says he's going to slay END._

He shook the thought out of his head. He still hadn't entirely wrapped his head around it, probably wouldn't for a long time yet. Besides, that was before he even knew that he and Zeref were related, let alone siblings.

Gray stared at the drink he clutched between his whitening knuckles, as if that held the answers to the universe. A sigh escaped his lips. "END is an abbreviation of someone's name, isn't it?" Natsu tensed. While most of the people in the guild had left after the morning's events and anyone who had stayed were down in the basement with Zeref, he still didn't know if some of the people from the council were here.

Unconsciously, he ran his fingers over the tracking serum they had put into his system. It made him nervous, having it. He doubted it was good news.

"...Yes." He eventually admitted. He didn't look at him, couldn't really. He didn't want to watch the pieces of the puzzle fall into place, because he _knew_ that he would work it out. There were many things Gray was—a bastard, obnoxious, cocky, a popsicle—but an idiot wasn't one of them. If anything, between the four of them, he was the best at connecting Point A to Point B to Point C.

"I'm pretty sure that the E stands for Eterious..." Gray said softly, and Natsu closed his eyes. "Eterious... N.D. It's said that END is a Fire demon... he also started a guild. A dark guild, granted, but a guild nonetheless. And guilds represent family and working together..." He couldn't help himself. He met Gray's gaze, watched the realization dawn in them slowly. "Zeref's last name is Dragneel, just like yours... Both of you must have been born over four hundred years ago. Something must have happened to you... otherwise he wouldn't have gone looking for a way to create demons... wouldn't have cursed himself... And he's so protective of you now. You must have died." His eyebrows furrowed together. Natsu looked down.

"A fire." He said softly. "Zeref says it was from a fire. I think our parents weren't around either—he talks about a teacher a lot."

Gray let out a small gasp that he would have teased him for and started a fight over in any other circumstance. As it was, it took everything he had not to stand up and flee. He wasn't ready to face the condemnation of... a frienemy.

"END... your name is Natsu Dragneel." He was too nervous to say _"way to state the obvious, princess"_ even though he thought it. "You're a fire mage, an incredibly powerful one." He would have preened at the indirect compliment at any other time. "In fact, some people say that you're almost inhuman... a monster, or maybe even a demon."

He flinched at the two words that'd been directed at him for so many years. They'd always bothered him. It must have been the final confirmation that Gray needed, and Natsu figured that he might as well offer up what he knew as a peace offering. While he did enjoy fighting, he really wasn't in the mood for a duel to the death, especially against someone he thought as one of his closest frienemies. (Well, technically, Gray was his _only_ frienemy but he ignored that bit.)

"Eterious Natsu Dragneel..." The words slipped off his tongue, heavy and almost like a bad omen. Natsu looked at him as he spoke slowly. "...is a fire mage who created a guild and lost his memory. Natsu Dragneel is an orphan who convinced a fire dragon to teach him how to control his wild magic and joined a guild of fairies and eternal adventures. Neither one of them remember where he came from."

Gray's eyes widened before he swore softly under his breath and asked, " _Now_ how am I supposed to kill END?"

Natsu shrugged. "If it helps, I don't think I'm END right now? It's in that book."

Gray cursed again. "How is _that_ supposed to help, idiot?" Natsu swiped the drink out of his hands right before his head _thumped_ against the bar. He tilted his head to the side so that his voice wasn't muffled when he asked, "Why is it that everything is more complicated than it should be when it comes to you?"

Natsu smiled and raised one shoulder in a shrug. "In my defense, I haven't destroyed any buildings."

"Except for the island."

"That wasn't my fault. Brandish did that."

He cracked open an eyelid. "How do you remember her name?"

"I... don't know actually." Natsu frowned. "It just came to me for some reason."

They were silent for a long moment, and then Gray began chuckling. Natsu stared at him for a moment before he joined in, and their chuckling became laughter then turned into cackling that bounced off the eerily silent walls. He threw his head back, holding his stomach as tears stung in his eyes. He wasn't even sure why they were laughing—though he had a feeling Lucy would say something about hysteria.

Eventually, it died down into a comfortable silence, leaving Natsu to his thoughts and Gray to his. His chest felt a little lighter now—he wasn't sure what was going to happen, since he knew it was doubtful that Gray would just give up his search for END just like that. Actually, Natsu probably would've smacked him himself if he did, because he _knew_ that END was dangerous. He was dangerous. But he felt relieved that Gray didn't hold him over him—well, didn't seem to, at least.

"So..." He drawled. "Don't think I've forgotten about your heartfelt _declaration._ " His eyes narrowed as he sat back up. "Seriously Natsu. Do you know how dangerous that was? If they figured out who Zeref really is then they'd probably drag you down with him. Hell, they still can if one of us slips up." He dropped his gaze, and Natsu noticed that his knuckles were turning white. "The council doesn't really like Fairy Tail. I think they'd love to figure out a way to make us an illegal guild if they could... harboring a known criminal, let alone the evilest mage that's ever walked on the earth, is enough of an excuse. We've always toed the line between a legal and an illegal guild anyway."

Natsu exhaled slowly to get rid of the tension between his soldiers. "I know." He said softly, leaning forward and threading his knuckles together. He looked at the wall without seeing it. "Something about what's been happening lately in Fiore has me on edge... They say the king's been ill and Guildarts said something about an incoming storm. I'm less than thrilled with having this tracker stuff in my body too." He waved his arm around. "Kinda makes me nervous actually."

Another long silence.

"Gray-sama? Natsu-san?"

They turned in almost perfect sync. Juvia stood in the doorway that led to the basement, blue eyes darting between them. Natsu was sure she was asking something, but he couldn't read what it was.

Gray nodded. _He can._ He thought with no small amount of amazement.

"Zeref-san is awake now. Lucy told Juvia to tell Natsu-san."

Natsu stood and smiled at her. "Thanks Juvia." He said, cheering up. He looked over his shoulder at Gray, who merely nodded at him slowly.

"I still think you're an idiot for telling them, but then again, you've never thought things through all the way."

He tried to stop the smile from appearing on his face, but gave up quickly. He never believed in hiding his feelings anyway. Maybe things would change, and he was sure they would, but not everything would change.

"So says the obvious popsicle." He said in fond exasperation. He dodged out of the icicle's way that came sailing over by the side of his head.

* * *

Zeref knew that something was wrong the moment he woke up. His head felt heavy, his thoughts that had been clear a few hours ago (or was it days?) disjointed and disorganized. He knew that he should say something, _anything_ , to the girls—Lucy and Levy; Lucy was a friend (maybe), and she was Natsu's Sort-Of-But-Not-Really-Girlfriend—but his tongue refused to work properly. His tongue and lips and mouth and lungs refused to cooperate with his mind in its silent screaming of _SOMETHING'S WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. HELP. STOP ME PLEASE._

The smile on her lips lit her eyes. She was speaking, and he forced himself to listen even though all he really wanted to do was to curl underneath the sheets again and pretend that the universe wasn't against him.

"...sent Juvia up to get him. He was pretty nervous about you actually. Master Mavis forced him to stay up there with Gray. Something about letting you have peace and quiet?"

Natsu. She must have been talking about Natsu. His brother who he... hated? _I don't hate my brother! I love him!_ A voice screamed in the back of his head, the one that sounded more like his own. He breathed deeply.

"Are you okay, Zeref? You're awfully pale. And quiet." She tilted her head, ponytail falling with her head. He forced a small smile and a laugh.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all. Thanks, Lucy." The words slipped off his tongue without his permission, sounding distant and foreign to his ears. The concern in her eyes ebbed away, making his stomach clench and the thoughts to swirl again. Something bitter made him wonder why she didn't even notice that he was _not_ fine.

 _You're a masterful liar. Nobody will ever know until it's too late._

He wasn't sure if that was even his own thoughts... or something else. _The curse?_ It had to be the curse creeping in... it was the only explanation he could think of. A chill gripped him.

 _I don't—no—not again—I won't let you hurt him!_

He wondered if he'd gone mad again when he heard no response. Surely he hadn't been _expecting_ an answer, right?

 _I'm so confused,_ he thought, the only sane-sounding thought in his mind. And he was—but then, he'd been confused for a long time. He doubted that he knew what it was like to not be confused.

"Zeref!"

He looked up and met Natsu's gaze—who looked relieved. A smile reflexively made his lips curl up and he did an awkward little wave.

"Hi."

 _...So eloquent, Zeref. You should get an award for that._

Natsu's eyebrows furrowed together for a moment, and Zeref's heart soared because—had he figured it out? Had he sensed that something was wrong with him? (Because he knew that Natsu had keener senses than a normal human – END might not be activated, but he was a dragon slayer.) Hope surged in him, warming, tantalizingly close –

"You still look tired."

...

"Just a little," he said, though what he really wanted to do was warn them somehow. _They don't know. They don't know something's wrong – they don't suspect. Not even Natsu, who had been the most suspicious._ "What happened? Everything's fuzzy to me."

Natsu sat down on the edge of the bed, frowning at him a little. Zeref watched him.

"Well, those people came in hunting you down and put some kind of tracker thing into our bodies. Next thing we know, some dude comes over and starts interrogating you and ... you healed yourself." His eyebrows furrowed. "I didn't know you could use magic still. Let alone healing magic. I would have expected something more ..." He waved his hands around, gesturing lamely.

"Voodoo-y?" He suggested, and Natsu nodded. "No. I've told you this a million times – magic was different back then." He held his fingers up. "What is considered "lost" magic now had been very popular back then. The four basic elemental magic – air, fire, earth, water – were the most common. Then there was celestial and time magic, which were interconnected very closely and even rarer than they are now. I've only met two celestial mages in my life – one named Anna who opened the eclipse gate, and Lucy herself. Then there is healing magic, which is really the practice of medicine and study of life and death and the balance."

Natsu squinted. "So, you were going to be a ... doctor?" His nose wrinkled. "That actually explains a lot."

He smiled ruefully. "The term is a little outdated." He wanted to tell him that he had been no saint back then either – the only person he'd ever cared about was Natsu; sometimes their teacher. Except he couldn't form the words on his tongue, couldn't force them out.

 _Something's wrong with me – but I can't ... nobody ..._

Natsu yawned. He smiled, even though it felt so faked on his face.

"You look tired. Go get some sleep." He suggested, and Natsu shrugged and looked at Happy, who'd just flown in. The cat grinned.

"I'll make sure he doesn't walk into a tree!"

Natsu made an angry squawking noise as Happy scooped him off the ground and lifted them into the air. Zeref dropped his gaze to his knuckles once they left and he studied them.

* * *

This world rejects me.

 _You rejected this world first._

I hate Natsu.

 _Natsu has to kill me._

The world must die.

 _The world must continue._

 _I should be dead._

 _I want to live._

 _Natsu is END._

 _Natsu can kill me._

 _But he doesn't want to kill me._

Why not?

 _Natsu is good. Better than me. Clean. Innocent._

Except he isn't. He's still END. Always has been, and always will be. A demon. A murderer.

 _He's not a saint._

 _It's not a sin to fall in love._

 **Stop**.

 _I want to live. I don't want to die. I didn't want this._

This is what you get.

 _I'm a monster._

You are.

 _I don't deserve to live._

 _I shouldn't even be alive._

 _I_ _ **can't**_ _live like this._

* * *

Except ... how would he get Natsu to kill him?

 _Natsu loves his family – always has. He started a guild for demons._

 _I would target his family._

But who would make Natsu angry enough to kill him? _It wasn't in his nature to kill an enemy, let alone his brother._

So he watches.

Erza is immediately axed out. _She's like a sister to him and he will go on a rampage, but she's too astute, too clever. She'll know something is wrong with me as soon as I approach her._

Next are Gajeel and Laxus. He cares for them, but there is something about them – a darkness clings to them, like it does to him and Natsu and Gray. Darkness clings to nearly everyone in this guild, how can it not when there is so much _light?,_ but this is a different kind of darkness – one of self-inflected darkness. And he knows that Natsu wouldn't kill for them.

He considers Romeo and Wendy. They're close to Natsu – Wendy is like a little sister to him, he can see it in the familiar protectiveness of his eyes and the stance he takes when they're fighting villains; it's the same he does for Natsu – and they're possibilities ... But he doesn't think they'll provoke the an emotion that is strong enough in his brother.

He thinks of Levy and Mirajane, but they're not close enough to Natsu. He'll be upset, but he doubts he'll be furious. Lisanna and Juvia are both possibilities .

Gray is probable, but not definite. The ice mage is smart and can take care of himself ... if anything he needs someone truly defenseless, someone who is close to Natsu.

Someone like Happy or Lucy.

As soon as he thinks that, the door swings open and he watches as Natsu walks in with Lucy and that little girl – Asuka. The little girl is riding on his shoulders as they laugh about something, and he doesn't miss the soft expression in his eyes as Lucy turns to speak to the little girl.

 _Of course. How could I have missed it?_

* * *

"Zeref?" _Nii-chan._ The younger voice of the brother who had died before he was nine and the gravelly voice of the brother who had turned into a demon mixed with Natsu's deep timbre, and he opened his eyes again. The stars swirled and dance in his vision and in the sky. He stared as the lion threw his head back and roared at the scorpion, who threw its tail into the air. The Pegasus danced through the heavens while Pisces swam through the oceans of stars.

"Yes?"

"What do you do when you love someone so much that it aches sometimes, but you're afraid to tell her?"

He exhaled loudly and tilted his head to look at him. Natsu was staring at the sky with a contemplative look on his face. He turned away.

"There's an old saying from a nearly forgotten religion – I can't remember the exact words, but it went something like _without fear, there can be no life, and without life, there is no hope._ If you cannot conquer your fears, then you can't live."

A pause, and then, "That's confusing."

He rolled his eyes, and the lion tore the scorpion's head off. "I'm not sure what you do. For me, it was natural ..." _Too natural. I love too much, too deeply, and it only hurts me in the end._ "I guess you have to pretend you're brave until you are brave. Isn't that the trick to living?"

It's a game, he realizes – a careful mind-controlling game with Ankhseram, and that if you slip one inch, you'll crash to the ground and he'll take control.

But ... _Who is in control?_

"For someone who is completely bonkers, you have some pretty sane advice. I'd be scared if I didn't know better."

He snorted, because that was appropriate for that statement.

 _Goddamn right, you should be scared of me._

* * *

The first step of the plan was to draw her out of the guild and into the old Tartaros guild building. It had to have rebuild by this time, even if no one was manning it. Alvarez was too far away, and he knew that she could escape at any point. She wasn't weak, but she was defenseless –

No, not defenseless. She was kind, and that made her naïve. Too trusting. Too good.

 _And she loves Natsu too._

 _And Natsu loves her._

 _Natsu is protective by nature, and if I hurt her ..._

 _He'll kill me then._

 _Or I'll annihilate this world._

To draw her out though ... He'd have to be careful. She was astute. Not as much as Natsu or Erza, granted, but he couldn't underestimate her.

But how to bring her out into the open ...

* * *

The answer came to him when she leapt up from the bar stool she was glued to and grabbed Natsu by his arm, saying something about a book and how it was almost ready.

"What are you writing about?" Wendy asked as he and Levy crowded around the three of them. He was curious too. He tilted his head, trying to read the text and all he caught was Natsu's name. She sent him a beaming smile.

"It's a secret. Only Natsu gets to know until a publisher approves it."

 _So trusting ... it's almost a shame ..._

 _No matter._

"Aw, Lu-chan! Wait, _what?_ Why does _Natsu_ get to read it before me?" He can hear the silent _he can read?!_ in her voice. Lucy stuck her tongue out at her friend and slung an arm across Natsu's shoulders and rubbed her knuckles through his hair, making it messier than it usually was.

"Yep. It only makes sense, since he's the main inspiration."

"I am?"

He turned away and smiled, not entirely sure if it was because of the friendly bickering or if it was because of the idea that was brewing in his head.

 _A publisher, huh ..._

* * *

The next phase of the operation was to send Lucy advertisements for a publisher. He was sure she would look into it, so he made sure that it was for a low-key publishing company that was going out of business.

Three days later, he heard her talking to Natsu about the "offer" she'd received and took a sip of Mirajane's milkshake to hide the growing smirk on his face.

* * *

He waited until she had left the guild and had walked about three-quarters of the way to the publishing agency.

* * *

"Zeref?" She was confused, which was good, but not suspicious, which was not good – _no, it is good. She won't realize you're kidnapping her until it's too late._

 **Except I** ** _don't_** **want to kidnap her.**

 _You do. You want to die, don't you?_

 **Not really.**

 _Yes, you do. You are a despicable creature._

 **I am.**

The contradictory thoughts swirled in his head, confusing him. Always confusing him. Lucy tilted her head, brown eyes open and trusting – too trusting. But that was good, of course. Because if she trusted him, then she would be easier to take. That was what made her weak – she was too kind, she believed in goodness that just wasn't there. And that was what made her vulnerable.

She was defenseless against him because he held everything she held dear in his hand.

 _And Natsu will come, because she is his family – his precious person. And he will fulfill his destiny and kill me._

So he spoke.

"Lucy!"

And he made sure it sounded surprised, because he shouldn't be expecting her here. He was supposed to be a friend, an ally. _How naïve,_ he thinks with a scoff.

 **How beautiful.**

How beautiful it is to have friends, yet how ... sickening it was too.

"What're you doing here?" She asked, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes at him. "Did Natsu say something?"

He shook his head. "What are you talking about?" He pretends to not know where she was going, because he doesn't. Shouldn't. He didn't know. "I was just exploring. It's kind of funny how I've been here for six months but I don't even know where the closest ... grocery store is? Or is it market?"

"It's mart." She glared at him suspiciously before it relaxed. _Now, wait and see ..._ "Well, I suppose you can come with me anyway. I'm just going to a publishing house for my book."

"The one Natsu got to read first?"

She nodded and hugged the papers close to her chest. "I decided to give a copy to Levy anyway. I left it in her mailbox last night." A scary light entered her eyes and she grinned. "She'll love it."

He wondered what she meant by that, and nodded.

So they walked, and they walked, and they walked some more until they reached the place where the publishing house stood, dark and empty. He stilled, falling behind her as she continued to walk forward.

"Strange," she said, and he could picture her frowning in his head. "You'd think it would look less ... rundown." Just a few more steps and she'd be inside the anti-magic border ...

"Maybe it's a glamour?" He suggested, taking a few steps forward. He turned around, pretending that he was trying to look.

"I don't sense anything like that ... Just a niggling feeling."

 _Wait, what?_

"You sense stuff?" He thought of Mavis, and how she seemed to have a sixth sense. _I underestimated her._

"Mmm-hmm. That's part of the reason I was so leery of you ... your energy felt malicious. It still does, as a matter of fact."

He stepped closer to her, heart hammering. _I messed up._

 ** _So fix it._**

How ... ? "Sorry." **_Not like that!_**

She turned and grinned at him. "What are you sorry for? It's not your fault." _It is - If I had not sinned ..._ "I've gotten used to it by now anyway. You're a good man."

 _Guilt._ _ **How disgusting.**_ Guilt teared through him and he looked away. _I hate myself._

"I'm a horrible human being." He whispered, but she had walked too far away to hear the words. Then he blinked. _She's walked over the antimagic barrier!_

She seemed to sense that something wasn't right, since she was frowning down at her hands. "That's strange ... I feel tired."

His heart hardened. **_This is for the good of humanity. Natsu_** **must** ** _kill me - the anomaly._**

She was frowning at him. Of course she was frowning at him. She was figuring it out, he knew she was beginning to form suspicions - Why else would she be frowning at him?

"You've stepped into an antimagic barrier created by invisible runes." He explained, and her eyes widened. He turned his back on her. "There is no way for you to escape, since I ensured that there is a barrier between you and the outside world. I estimate you'll faint in approximately five minutes."

She didn't look scared or hurt though. Quite the opposite actually - She looked _furious._

"It's taken over, hasn't it? That moment a month ago ... You've been distant ever since then too. Of course. Why didn't I push Natsu to ask you about it more when he came to me?"

He stepped closer to her, taking care not to step over the edge into the antimagic barrier. She was glaring at him, with her cheeks puffed out and her eyes angry. He shook his head.

"Have you considered that _this_ is who I really am, Lucy?" **Miss Heartfilia,** but he can't speak her last name like he would have. It's the same name Anna had. "That I'm a monster who wants to destroy humanity?"

There was pity in her eyes as she pressed her hand against the invisible box. "I don't think that's you. There is a strong sense of justice in you, even now. If you were a monster then you wouldn't be talking to me like this right now. You'd have killed me and gone after humanity already."

He flinched and turned away. He glared at the distant horizon.

"You're far too naive for your own good, Miss Heartfilia. That is your greatest weakness."

"Why is kindness weak? Is it because it's _your_ greatest we- agh!" She broke off into a coughing fit, and his eyes were burning the way they always did when they turned red. He clenched his fist and -

The bracelet broke.

"Stop talking." He ordered, voice cold to his own ears.

The voices inside of his head didn't protest.

After all, love was an emotion meant for beings less than him.

"Natsu will come after me."

 _And I will destroy my greatest threat and show that my humanity is fabricated. Those fairies will be squashed in the palm of my hand by the end of next week._


	12. CHAPTER XII: Detonation

_"I would rather die a meaningful death than to live a meaningless life." - Corazon Aquino_

 **CHAPTER XII: Detonation**

 **THE** lakuma announcement came in at 14:31.

The guild went completely silent at 14:32.

Natsu paled midway through the message at 14:32.

The glass in Natsu's hand slipped and shattered against the ground at 14:33.

Zeref's face disappeared in the image at 14:34, leaving silence at his disappearance.

* * *

Natsu should have been expecting it - He'd told himself that he had been expecting it, and maybe he had in the beginning, but he'd allowed his defenses to slip and fall around Zeref, and now Lucy was going to pay the price for his stupidity.

"Natsu?" Mirajane said slowly, finally breaking the unusual silence. He blinked at her, pulling himself out of the cotton clouds that had been gathering in his head. "Are you ...?"

" _Shit._ " He said quietly, and then more loudly, "Shit, shit, _shit._ I can't ... aggh. Why didn't I ... _Dammit._ Dammit, Zeref." He hit the side of his head and began pacing, because he couldn't stay _still_ anymore. "Why the _Hell ..._ Crap. I'm an idiot. I can't _believe ... dammit_."

He breathed fire through his nose, and forced himself to sit down next to the Popsicle.

Then he leapt back up because _he was not sitting next to that stripper._ Not even if his life depended on it, no way.

"Sooooo," Gajeel drawled slowly, "I think Salamander's trying to say _what are we going to do now_?"

"Sit down before you make a hole in the floor, Natsu," Gramps said tiredly, and Natsu dropped onto the chair next to Lisanna. He clenched his fists and grounded his teeth together. "There's only one thing we can do - Stop Zeref and get Lucy back."

* * *

"Stop this, Zeref," Lucy commands as she tugs at the chains. "This isn't you."

He stares at her, and he says, "Don't you realize it? For every light you cast, there will be a shadow. For every hero, there is a monster. For every Beowulf, there is a Grindal. I just chose to be the monster under your bed, the darkness of the night." He smiles. "I wanted this."

Lucy shakes her head, and he thinks it's in disgust. He turns away from her, and he tells himself that it's because she is no bigger than an ant, not because he feels guilty for the way blood drips down her face.

 _Liar, liar, liar - You're a_ liar _Zeref, to yourself, to your brother, to the world -_

Enough.

"Did you know that once, I tried to be the hero? I just wanted my brother to be happy. But then the world rejected me and my hopes, so I rejected the world in return. For what goes around comes around, and that there must always be a balance in the universe.

"For every good man, there is a villain lurking in the shadows, waiting to catch you."

* * *

"Down here?" Erza repeated through the intercom Max had created. Natsu shivered as he stared at the dark, foreboding entrance into the underground tunnels that led out of Magnolia. He didn't want to go in. That was dark and it made his dragon senses protest.

"Apparently," Max replied. "I track Lucy's and Zeref's power signatures down there. Zeref's is pretty overwhelming, which is expected, but Lucy's actually surprised me. It's a lot stronger than I thought - At least on par with yours, Erza. Maybe even closer to Natsu or Juvia's in terms of raw power."

He was babbling and nervous, Natsu could hear it, but he still felt a swell of pride in his chest for Lucy. She'd come a long way from the weak crybaby he'd brought to the guild almost nine years ago.

"Right." He lit his fist on fire. "I'll go first, since I have the light."

So Natsu stepped into the dark tunnel, taking the lead because he was the one who had the light from fire. Erza pulled out torches, and he lit them for her and for Gray.

He hoped that he wasn't too late to save Lucy - and he wasn't about to give up on his brother.

"Nat-zu," Happy murmured, and he butted his head against his chin. Natsu smiled sadly and scratched behind his ear, the way he knew he liked.

"I'm okay," he replied quietly, looking at him. The light from the fire on his hand reflected in Happy's eyes. "We're just going to have to save Lucy... and Zeref, too. Somehow."

"We'll find them," Erza said and Juvia, Gray and Wendy agreed with her. He half smiled, and he walked further into the tunnel, leaving the light of day behind.

* * *

It was some time in before Natsu realized that he couldn't hear Gray or Erza or Wendy - just Happy. He looked up at the blue cat before squinting over his shoulder, trying to see through the thick folds of the darkness.

"Hello?" He called. His voice echoed back at him, bouncing off the caverns at least a dozen times before ebbing away slowly. He gulped, fear taking root in the back of his mind. "Uh, right. Okay then."

"Nat-zu, this is scary." Happy said quietly, and Natsu looked up at him sharply. This was coming from the person who had faced countless dark mages head on . . . But it made sense. All his senses were tingling, warning him of the sheer, utter _wrongness_ of this place. But he couldn't stop now - He could only forge ahead and hope that it wasn't too late . . . He _had_ to find Lucy.

"I know, buddy." He forced a grin on his face, hoping that it'll reassure him. "Don't worry. It's just a little darkness. Nothing we can't handle."

"Famous last words," Happy muttered. He shushed him, stepping deeper into the tunnel.

"Besides, Popsicle probably did something stupid and Erza decided to beat him up for it. And Wendy had to stay behind to heal him, and Juvia was angry at Erza so they got into a fight. Oooh, I can't believe I missed that." He knew that nothing like that had happened (well, Gray _could_ have done something stupid), but he was nervous and he was babbling and he didn't care.

"It would have been the fight of the century, ya know? Erza's a monster. Juvia's terrifying. But they're as powerful as the other so . . . there would be no winner. And then Wendy would have to heal them too. And then she fell asleep. And that's why they're missing and not with us. They're most definitely not lost in the dark, and even if they were, they'd tell us to continue on because Lucy's in trouble and we have to keep walking forward to find her. They can take care of themselves. So. Yeah."

His pep talk sounded so much better in his head and so less lame.

Happy butted his head against his cheek, and Natsu smiled wanly, scratching his fingers against his scalp.

"You're braver than I am."

"No, I'm not. You have my back all the time, through thick and thin, even if you're scared and so much weaker than the enemy. You laugh at death. That's bravery to me. Me? I'm just cocky. It's taken me a while to realize it, but that's what I am. People like you and Lucy are the brave ones because you don't fear death even though you're not super powerful. And that's awesome."

Happy pawed through his hair and settled down. "You're not as cocky as you used to be though."

"Losing Igneel has made me realize a few things." He admitted. "That, and I've been watching you and Lucy and Zeref. Especially Zeref. I think he's braver than we all think he is."

"Even if he's a complete nutjob."

He shrugged one shoulder. "That's not entirely his fault. I think if I was in his place, I'd go completely mad. At least he's still sane when his curse isn't acting up."

"Mmm. Can't say I don't think you're biased since he's your brother, but okay."

He chuckled. "Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. It doesn't matter really, does it? It's just my opinion."

They stepped out of the darkness.

* * *

The raven crows six times.

Zeref's eyes snap open.

 _He's here._

Finally.

It took him long enough.

Zeref smirks.

But he doesn't want his brother to be here - Doesn't want to hurt his brother, doesn't -

 _Hush. It doesn't matter anymore._

* * *

"Lucy!" Natsu breathed, seeing the prone form of his friend. He half ran, half skidded across the smooth marble and landed on his knees in front of her, taking in the way lacerations littered her skin. Her eyes fluttered open and she coughed.

"Natsu?" And then her eyes widened. " _Run._ It's a trap!"

"I know," he said. Did she really think he didn't know that? "But I couldn't leave you."

She glared at him. He rolled his eyes and hefted her up.

"Hello, brother."

Natsu froze.

 _Oh. That's what she meant by a trap._

He traded a look with Lucy, who looked nervous. He looked at Happy who also looked nervous.

Natsu felt pretty nervous himself as he turned and looked over his shoulder. Zeref stood in the middle of the room, his stance deceptively relaxed.

"Uh. Hi, Zeref. I'll fight you later, okay?"

Zeref shook his head. Natsu gritted his teeth. There was no way out of here . . . If he moved, Zeref would mirror him. And he couldn't outright attack him with Lucy - Not that he wanted to. But Zeref had no conscious right now anyway . . . He'd just kill and kill without even batting an eyebrow.

Humming.

For a moment, Natsu froze, trying to remember where he heard that sound before - Back on Tenroe Island . . . before Acnologia . . . Zeref. Zeref had tried to kill him.

Zeref threw a ball of black fire at them. Natsu shoved Lucy out of the way and dropped down to the ground.

Time seemed to stop for a split second. Natsu spat blood out of his mouth, pushing himself up off the ground.

"What the Hell, Zeref?" He demanded, because there was nothing else he could think of saying instead. Zeref looked at him, his face straight. He glared at his brother. "Why are you doing this?"

Zeref tilted his head, and then he enunciated, "This world continues to reject me. I just decided that I am going to reject this world first."

Natsu shook his head. "You're bonkers," he breathed. Zeref's eyes flashed - The first emotion he'd seen from him since this whole fiasco began.

"I know. That's why you must kill me."

"You're _definitely_ bonkers." Natsu leapt back, out of the way of his brother's fist. "I thought we talked about this before - "

"I'm going to kill you."

"This _again_?" He groaned under his breath. He leapt to the side, dodging out of the way of the barrage of fists. He swept his leg around, lighting it on fire.

"No, you're going to kill me."

And then they were fighting again, and he was barely able to avoid being hit in the face. Natsu punched a wall, leaping out of the way of some kind of black knife-shadow thing. Zeref crashed into the door as he swept his arms around in a wide arc, and the earth seemed to rumble under their feet.

 _"Fight me!_ " He shouts. "I know you're stronger than this!"

"I'm not going to fight you, moron!" Natsu screams back, frustrated because he _isn't getting through to him and Zeref is being a jerk and he can't -_ "I won't, not when you're like this!"

Zeref pulled back, and there was a stitch in Natsu's side as he panted for air. He didn't like that look in his eye though.

"If you want bring an end to this, then perhaps I'll bring an end to your friends!"

Zeref bent double with a scream, and black magic exploded outward. Natsu reacted instinctively by swallowing it like he would eat fire, slurping it into his lungs, his throat, his stomach - It burned so badly though. It brought tears to his eyes.

Zeref gasped and Natsu fell to his knees, unable to stand on his feet anymore. He grabbed his chest - It hurt, it hurt so much, it _hurt_ \- Oh, God -

"Natsu!" Lucy screamed. He tried to throw her a thumbs up, but there was burning in his chest and everything hurt and his back and he couldn't _breathe -_

He started to cough up blood.

"Natsu!" He heard someone else shout - Gray? Or maybe it was Erza. There was a hand on her shoulder for a second and then it pulled away - He heard someone say something to Zeref but he couldn't hear them and he heard Zeref say something back. A sob ripped out of his throat before he was able to stop it.

"Oh, no." He saw black hair in his blurred vision. He clawed at the floor, his fingernails digging divets through the stone. Natsu gasped. Shuddered. _He couldn't breathe it was hurting him too much -_

"Zeref, you monster!"

"I know, I know." He heard. "I'm so sorry, little brother."

"Is there anything - "

A spasm seized Natsu. He jerked off the ground and cried out.

"Open the book, Lucy - "

"What? But this'll - It's the - "

"I know what it is! Open the damn book! It's the only way to save him." And then lower, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry . . ."

And then suddenly, the pain faded. Natsu blinked at his suddenly clear vision.

Zeref peered at him with wide, worried eyes. He groaned and pushed his face away.

"Nat-zu?" He heard Happy say. "You okay now?" He shifted his head back and smiled.

"Better," he replied.

"He doesn't _look_ any different," Lucy said, and he tilted his head. "Well," she amended, "His eyes are red now. You're not mad or anything, right?"

He pushed himself up. "Nah. Just sore. You okay?" He looked down at his hand. Black ink stained his hands, twisting around them like vines. He gaped.

"Those'll fade over them," Zeref said quietly. He looked back at him, but Zeref was staring at his hands. "I'm sorry."

Natsu opened his mouth to respond when Zeref cried out again and clutched his head, shaking it. Lucy and Happy stepped away from him.

 _Hey, we'll be friends forever, right?_

 _'Course! I'm your brother. Mama told me to look after you._

He crawled forward.

"Please, kill me." Zeref rasped, pulling his head back, locking their gazes together. Natsu couldn't move his head - couldn't respond - couldn't escape.

"I will not kill you," he replied, shaking his head. "I can't."

Zeref gritted his teeth. "You don't have a choice! I can't protect you like this and - "

"Oh, to Hell with the protection rubbish, you idiot!" He snapped. "I don't _need_ it - I'm not a _little kid anymore!_ " He threw his hands up into the air.

Zeref snapped. "If you don't kill me, I'm going to take over the world and I'm going to kill everyone and nobody will be able to stop me. I'll kill you and your friends and everyone you love and _I won't let myself do that_ but I can't - you're the only one who can kill me and I just - AGGGH!" He screamed out, clutching his head.

Natsu blinked, his thoughts stopping. Zeref breathed through his nose heavily, pulling back up and looking him dead in the eye.

"Face it. I'm insane. Completely, barking mad. There's no salvation for me."

And that's when Natsu leapt forward and seized the front of his jacket. The burning, prickling sensation in his eyes became worse and his vision blurred.

"You _are_ nuts. Do you really think I can murder my own _brother_?!" He screams, and he jerks his shoulders as if that would make him see _reason._ "Zeref, get your head out of the gutter!"

Zeref stared at him with his jaw slack. Natsu roughly rubbed his hand over his eyes.

"You just called me brother," he said. He laughed, because of all the things he could fixate on . . .

"Well, that's what you are."

* * *

And Zeref, impulsively, hugged his brother. Natsu went rigid, and he began to pull away before two warm arm tentatively circled around his shoulders. He closed his eyes and smiled against his shoulder, inhaling the scent of ashes and coals and something like the valleys of their home and the wild heather that grew on the mountains.

"I won't kill you," Natsu repeated, and Zeref tightened his hold around him. _Of course he won't,_ he thought. And _he's a coward_. And in a way, Natsu was - But in other ways, he was so much braver than he expected him to be, braver than he should ever had to be.

He may be a coward, but he was stronger than Zeref would ever be. That was why E.N.D. was feared after all - Not because he was a demon, but because he was more human than most men.

E.N.D. created a guild for a reason, after all.

"Oh, Natsu . . . How did we end up like this?" He asked, not really looking for a response. Natsu mumbled something he couldn't understand, and he tightened his hold him. "As much as you hate it, it is my duty as your older brother to protect you. But Natsu - it is your duty to kill me."

"I can't kill someone I love," he mumbles, shaking his head, but Zeref hears him loud and clear. "Shouldn't you be protecting me from your stupid mistakes then? Because I'm pretty sure this isn't protection."

Zeref laughed slightly, but it felt more like a sob. _That's the Natsu I grew up with all right. The one who finds the flaws in my logic._

"Please?"

Natsu shook his head.

He won't, Ankhseram said, and, _I know,_ he replied. _He won't put us out of our misery. He's much too merciful, even as E.N.D._

But what else did he expect? He'd thought that deep hearted desperation to protect the people he considered to be his family would aid him to fight back and to kill him, but he'd underestimated just how _good_ Natsu was. Even to a monster like him.

 _And he is good - It doesn't matter if you are a monster or a villain or a human or a hero. You're still human._

 _That's the most admirable thing about him._ And the worst.

He won't kill me unprovoked.

Attack one of his friends then.

 _Forgive me, brother._

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply before he opens them again. They burn red.

"Uh-oh," he hears Happy say and he focused on the cat. "Natsu -"

The shadow of death ran through the ground and wrapped around Happy's throat, cutting him off. _I'm sorry, little friend._ Soon.

"It's either me _or it's your pet,_ " he says, pulling away from him. Natsu stared at him with round, shocked eyes. He clawed his fingers, and Happy chokes, crying out. "ChOOsE _wisely, brother._ "

Natsu shakes his head again. Zeref closes his fist and Happy claws at his throat. He watches the tears build in the cat's eyes and he sees the glossy shine in Natsu's.

"Happy!" Natsu cried out, but Happy doesn't respond. Can't. And he laughed, reveling in the feeling of life and death. But Zeref hated it and it made him _sick to his stomach_ but he couldn't stop himself, literally couldn't. "Zeref, please don't do this!" Natsu screamed, again, except his fist has caught on fire and Zeref smiled.

His brother leats forward, screaming, yelling, - " _Fire Dragon's Secret Art -_ "

And then something digs into his back. Something sharp and jagged, like a dagger or a jagged rock. And Zeref dropped as the fire crashed down and around him and he bit his lip to stop the scream from building up in his throat.

 _Ankhseram leaves._

The fires stopped abruptly and he felt warm, gentle hands turning him over and he saw Natsu looking down at him and he was crying -

But he shouldn't cry.

So Zeref lifted his hand up to wipe the tears off his cheeks, but they keep on falling down.

"Why?" His brother asked, demanded. "We were going to fix this. We were . . ."

He sensed the clutches of death calling to him, and he smiled at the call of freedom. _I think I'm crying too._

"It's okay, little brother," he breathed hoarsely. Lucy looked at him with wide eyes. "Death is nothing but the next great adventure, no?"

"But - but - "

 _It's funny,_ he thinks

"I'll see you again. Try . . . not to . . . blame yourself . . . too much. Tell Mavis . . ."

 _I wanted to die so badly before, but now, I don't want to die at all._

"I'm sorry."

The End.

* * *

 _(MWAHAHAHAHAHAH.)_

 _I feel so triumphant, that I finally finished this fanfiction after writing it and posting it for OVER TWO YEARS. It feels good to actually, finally, finish something. :P_

 _Many thanks to all the lovely folks who reviewed this and left me such kind and encouraging words! I appreciate and treasure each one, and I'm so grateful for your support. It's been a lot of fun to troll y'all with vague hints about what's going to happen in future chapters, too. ;)_


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